do I really only know parents of bright dc?

[m0therofdragons]

Judging by fb posts after parents evening, everyone's dc are classed by the teacher as very bright. How is everyone above average - clearly that makes no sense! I don't mention that kind of thing on fb but teacher always seems surprised that I'm not delighted my Dd is very bright. Well of course I am but I just don't know if it means anything. Yes I know her levels but maybe the rest of the class is doing better so it's hard to know what it really means. It all sounds good but maybe I'm just an excited proud parent like everyone else. Or maybe I just know a lot of geniuses .

greengrow having very strong academic achievement keeps doors open and presents opportunity. That's it some people take the opportunities they have, others don't. Quite simple.

Please remember also that your opportunities depend on the subjects you study and your relative strengths. STEM skills are at a shortage so dc with these will also have additional opportunities. Having an aptitude for engineering doesn't necessarily equate with having amazing handwriting at the age of 5......

I know it's not quite on the same lines but my sons year 10 parents evening was quite an eye opener

Lots of worried looking children saying "oh this subject will be good"

And lots of angry parents parents hissing "it had bloody well better be!!!!!"

Most of my friends do have children who are bright, ie academically above average but not to the extent of being exceptional or gifted. The parents are, by and large, very well educated and arrange work in a way that means the children spend a lot of time interacting with their parents. It's somewhat alarming to see just what a huge advantage this gives the children.

Just loving the smugness on this thread of all the parents of very bright children ,but they think its terribly crass to post it on Facebook I have two children one who is struggling academically and one who at four has/ASD and learning difficulties every other post on here is how their child is gifted and talented,predicted many many a* at GCSE,s is counting to 3 000 000 at eighteen months etc can posters genuinely not see the hypocrisy of what are posting?

In my experience the statements "he's a bright boy" or "she's a bright girl" are most often used by teachers to parents in the context of being part of a discussion about why the DC in question is behaving badly or not progressing, and it means "has no obvious SEN."

The parents hear what they want to hear, and leave the meeting proclaiming to all and sundry that "Teacher said my DC is really bright. They are obviously playing up in the lesson because they are bored, being so clever and all."

I think I am possibly the only poster on MM who really enjoys reading other people's brags on fb. I like my friends. I want them/their children/their grandchildren/their parents/their pets to be happy, loved and successful and when they post that that is the case, then that makes me happy, even if sometimes the happiness is tinged with envy. The ones who post the successes generally mention the failures as well.

I do agree that nurseries/schools tend to the positive. I remember dd 2 being described as 'bright as a button' by her nursery when she was 3.5, despite the fact that she could barely speak. Obviously she is a genius, but I don't like to mention that.

On the other hand, dd3 was described as 'average' at a year 1 parents evening. Oh, the shame .

balloon

I hate people who say that their child plays up because they are too bright!!

So you are saying that my very well behaved children (at school anyway) are thick are you????????

But brightness and academic success are NOT the same thing!

So I think your friends kids CAN mostly be bright, but that's not to say that they're all performing above average across the board.

And of course the parents cling to and broadcast the positive comments; there's very little to be gained from criticising kids anyway.

I just dont understand why people get uppity if someone thinks or says their child is bright.

why cant you accept the comment for what it is, why the need to compare yourself and your child?

All children are good at something, whether it be reading, playing sport, or being a lovely helpful friend - surely it's a good thing that teachers celebrate this and parents are pleased . . .

Having said that, I've never seen anyone on my fb posting about how bright their dc are. Maybe a nice pic and an 'I'm so proud of X' if they're in a dance show or win a sports comp, but other than that it's mostly holidays and birthday outings!

I hear a awful lot more angsting about child X is struggling with reading, child Y is so behind in maths, mum has been called in for a word because child Z has been fighting / talking in class / etc etc - obviously all the parents without super bright, immaculately behaved children come and live round here

My teenage children see my (rare) Facebook posts. So I'm damned if I'm going to say anything too derogatory, but don't mind them 'overhearing' a few crumbs of praise.

One of them also has ASD, x2boys, and I have to remind myself that other people's FB statuses are probably also very, very selective...

I should point out my friends don't moan about discuss their dc's failings on facebook, only in person!

I just dont understand why people get uppity if someone thinks or says their child is bright.

Speaking bluntly, I'm not terribly interested in knowing how smart someone's child is. It's irrelevant to me and inevitably leads to one of "those" conversations, which is actually a monologue.

It would certainly be of interest to me if someone's child were actually a genius, I would probably want to perform experiments on him or her. But your garden variety G&T is quite a different thing.

That being said, I like my two boys' best friends very much and I generally form an opinion on how smart they are, and root for them. But that has nothing to do with my friendships with their parents.

Well my DS is gifted and talented and excels in everything and my DD definitively does not although she is now trying a bit harder. However DD last year was below average and had to do extra work at home to catch up and this year she is just about above average and the teachers are delighted about this. DD teachers are always more delighted at her working hard than DS who self teaches and knows an awful lot about everything and needs extra difficult maths questions thrown at him in class. They are both well but one is exceptionally miles ahead. I never talk about this to the other parents as it's obvious DS is what he is without me ramming it down their throats

It really depends. I have been told by DS's teachers that he's 'bright'. I've taken than to mean that he has no issues with the work and is currently in the top groups for everything. That's not to say things won't change in the future. I'm sure there will be subjects he finds easier than others. His strength lies in the fact he works hard. That will help him get through school more than being 'bright' will. No matter how clever you are, you still need to do the work.

I have never heard anyone boasting child is bright and parents of G and T child I know dont really talk about it unless I ask .
HOwver if someone says my DC is doing well at school or has had good grade, I just momentarily think GREAT.

My own DC are what they are, I like to hear what others are up too to make sure mine are ont way behind etc, but it doesnt make me feel bad or in any way negative to hear about other dc progress. or their parents saying so.

Basically if your child really is truly gifted and talented you will know about it because the teachers will be setting a whole new personal curriculum just for your DC as they have for mine. If not then be grateful they are reasonably bright as I am for my DD.

Thing is, is many cases, having a genuine Gin and Tonic child is just a fact of life(occurring in a very few families really). It isn't anything that the parents will have done. Although I was always aware one ds was 'bright', I tried not to make comparisons because the ability levels of all my DC vary so much. We didn't CAUSE his 'brightness' in the same way we didn't cause another one's ASD or another's LDs. Or so I like to tell myself They are all individuals and so bragging on FB or elsewhere (I refuse to admit I am bragging ) is utterly pointless.

I don't post parents evening things on FB I find it crass, unless its a jokey thing.

Teacher said last night that DD was a joy to be around. I said she could have her. Teacher did a nervous laugh. Think it went well.

Though, to be fair, LaQueen, a person who 'excels' aka a Gin and Tonic child as I now prefer it (we are in Scotland so the jargon is different and I had to have a think about the abbreviation above ) will usually have an easier run than a young person with autism or learning difficulties. My excelling child has now moved onto adult things - while childhood was undoubtedly hard as he did not fit in for the reasons you outlined regarding your child, his tendency to 'geekiness' is something he - and others - can now cope with. His brothers with ASD and LDs have never fitted in either, and are not independent and, as a parent, I find that much more worrying. Whether ds3 is 'bright' or 'G and T' is neither here nor there. His life is more straightforward (and always has been) than his brothers'.

And I do know that is a digression from the OP. As you were, everyone .... zzzzz

Depends on the catchment. I had many pupils who were 'above average' for their class or year, but 'below average' nationally , due to a) being bright and b) being inner city children from a very deprived area and not having had the kind of background that gives children the best chance of success in education.