do I really only know parents of bright dc?

[m0therofdragons]

Judging by fb posts after parents evening, everyone's dc are classed by the teacher as very bright. How is everyone above average - clearly that makes no sense! I don't mention that kind of thing on fb but teacher always seems surprised that I'm not delighted my Dd is very bright. Well of course I am but I just don't know if it means anything. Yes I know her levels but maybe the rest of the class is doing better so it's hard to know what it really means. It all sounds good but maybe I'm just an excited proud parent like everyone else. Or maybe I just know a lot of geniuses .

I don't post how "bright" the teachers say my DCs are on FB and I do think that the teachers are overly positive in a sense and most parents will come out thinking their children are doing better than average. You seem to have to specifically ask where they sit in comparison to the class and national averages to get an idea of that with my school otherwise you just hear about how well they have tried and what secific skills they have mastered/are working on.

But some of my friends post things like that and I just think they are really pleased or relieved and so I'm happy for them. It's lovely news. What is wrong with a parent being a little proud of their children? It doesn't hurt me or my children if someone else's children are "really bright" or even if they aren't but their parents think they are. It's just nice that they are feeling happy about it.

Some parents hear what they want to hear. I remember outlining to a parent the areas in which her child struggled. As she left the room she said 'I'm glad he's doing all right then'. Had fb been around then, no doubt she would have posted about her child's brilliant achievements.

We went through this a couple of years ago, during the time of entrance grammer school exams. Everyone was convinced their child was a genuis and would walk the exams into the top local school because they were all working at such high standards...

Only one child passed!

When parents tell me their child is bright and I tell them that's lovely and just take it with a pinch of salt.

*grammar

Our school is the type that won't say anything negative at parents' evening, so you could well be fooled into thinking your child was a genius who was excelling across all areas of the curriculum.

Even the bad stuff is couched in positive stuff. DD1 is a "strong personality" with lots of "determination" which translates as a PITA who refuses to do PE according to her written EOY report.

I must be very fortunate, but any FB updates that I have seen this year about parents' evening just tend to say 'Very proud of DC on an excellent parents evening' with perhaps a word about DC thriving, too - so no specifics.

My son has struggled through his first two years, and that ws compounded by them being in different countries. This recent parents night was the first we left without little frowns, and discussions of whether we should leave it be (DH was a late bloomer) or follow up with SN evaluations. The blooming has evidently started, reading has suddenly happened, other things improve a lot once that happens. i am still not sure SN shouldnt be investigated, but DH gets really bothered at anyone saying these behaviours are anything but normal, as they are to him. Many to me as well. Probably we /several of our sibs would be diagnosable today so we struggle with the idea of needing a diagnosis and treatment vs. slef care and family support.

At any rate, none of this goes on FB status. Even if everything at school had always been bright and shiny, i dont use FB primarily as a public relations presentation about my life and family. It is a place for me as me, not me as mommy.

Have you considered selection bias? How many people are going to post on facebook saying "DCs still shit at school"? Only the ones with something to brag about will post.

Though tbh you don't have to be that bright to do fairly well at UK primary schools, so any kid who has supportive parents and no learning difficulty has no excuse really.

I do think it's a shame that being glad your DC are doing well seems to be so frowned upon. I've been told DS is doing well at school, he is certainly, enjoying school and confident in what he is doing, and that makes me happy. I don't know the details of how he compares to other children, and I don't need to. I do feel I shouldn't mention it though, whereas I would like to shout it from the rooftops. I wish people could just be happy for each other, whatever each childs level of achievement!

There's nothing wrong with being proud of your dcs' achievements. Of course you should be proud and toy should tell your dcs that you're proud. It's the unnecessary shouting it from the rooftops that people have an issue with. Of course, if anyone can tell me exactly how a child benefits from their parents bragging about them on fb, I'll reconsider my position...

"Judging by fb posts after parents evening"

It's not like people are going to go on fb and post "teacher says dc is really struggling and below average ability."

I would say being bright Imo isn't everything and I really worry about dd socially. She seems happy but does often play on her own. Being very social myself I find it hard to understand - more my issue than hers tbh.
I think it's fair to compare with others. We are competitive by nature. Why would people run in races if it wasn't about proving you're good and comparing to others in the race? I think comparison can be done positively - all children have strengths that should be celebrated and doing well in maths really isn't a better skill than being kind to others Imo.
I think it just highlights the fakeness of fb - maybe that's what bugs me.

I love this thread. A brilliant, let's moan about how people boast about their children being bright, while also slipping into our posts how bright our children are...

exactly what I was thinking

As an aside, it is perfectly possible for all the children (or most of the children) in a class to be brighter than average.

Where I live, for example, most of the parents have high flying jobs (they have to afford the ridiculous housing prices...) and are generally a fair bit brighter than the average. Chances are they will have offspring who are brighter than the average (not always but often). So it wouldn't surprise me if the local schools are full of kids who genuinely are brighter than the average.

Obviously not all children UK wide can be brighter than average but it's perfectly possible for all children within a particular group to be.

But do you not see the irony op several times now you have mentioned how bright your daughter is but it bugs you that other people do this on Facebook?

I second the fact that effort should be praised more than attainment .
I joined Mensa age 12 was put up a year in school etc yet I work as a waitress and mother to 3 children. I never learnt to put effort in as it always came effortlessly. Ie I could read the entire book the night before the exam and pass yet when it came to uni etc I didn't have enough discipline to get the work done.

Ds1 is like me, he started school reading like a 14 year old so doesn't have to try but he is hype mobile and has poor muscle tone I was more proud when he got an award for greatest improvement in PE as he had to work hard at it (including physio etc) even though he I probably still bottom of the class in terms of PE ability.
Dd couldn't read at all starting school do has had to put the effort and time in to learning so I am prouder of her learning to read than I am of ds1 learning age 3, seemingly overnight with no effort.

Yep I know but I would never put it on fb. Also I question how bright she is as yes it looks good but if everyone else is doing better then really she's average iyswim.

As a teacher, all I wanted to do on parent's evening was to make the parents smile. The vast majority of them came in worried, and for most of them I just wanted to say how lovely their children were (which they were) and how proud they should be of them. So I know most of my parents came away feeling their children were amazing, but that's because that's what I thought, I wasn't going to sit there and be negative because that's not how I felt. Teachers love their children. Not in the same way as parents do, of course, but they only wish the best for them and are desperate for them to succeed. So when you're faced with the person/people who love that child more than anything in the world, what are you going to say but "she's fantastic." How could you say anything else?

BTW I was just as positive and gushing about the girl who was doing level 5 maths in year 3 as I was about the boy who had cracked potty training, finally, at age 6. Because in my mind both of those achievements were equally fantastic. Both of them made me incredibly proud.

There is no need to compare.

Personally I tend to edge cautiously into Parents' Evening appointments and say 'Break it to me gently...' as I sit down.

This baffles nice, well-behaved, conscientious DD's teachers no end, if they didn't have the dubious pleasure of teaching her older brothers.

Are people FBing about what their teachers said about their kids at parents' evening? Do they have no shame!

DS was considered exceptional at 6, and actually all the way through to year 5. I used to be very noncommittal when nosy parents were trying to find out what he could do because I always believed he had just picked things up earlier than his peers, and that it would level out.

I was dead right, by the time they all went to high school, he was bright but b no means a stand out. People always thought I was being overly modest about him, I really was trying to make sure he wasn't being set up to fail

"Bright" is such a MN word! I just wanted to share my parent's eve experience, haven't on FB : my son has Down's Syndrome and has just started MS Reception. His teacher said so many lovely things about him because he is lovely! Most importantly to me, she said they are loving having him in class as he's a really warm person to be around. This boy is still pre-verbal really, his spoken words are coming and he signs very well. He's learnt the classroom routine really well, he's making friends, the other children find him easy to get on with. His teacher says she knows he's intelligent because he's got a wicked sense of humour and knows just how to make her laugh! He's achieving his own (differentiated curriculum) learning targets and she says he absorbing ideas around literacy and numeracy really well. He's learning his Jolly Phonics with real delight in the sounds he is making.

So no, you don't just know parents of bright DC, one of mine has an intellectual disability that really worries some people but in a beautifully inclusive classroom, he's a little star!