do I really only know parents of bright dc?

[m0therofdragons]

Judging by fb posts after parents evening, everyone's dc are classed by the teacher as very bright. How is everyone above average - clearly that makes no sense! I don't mention that kind of thing on fb but teacher always seems surprised that I'm not delighted my Dd is very bright. Well of course I am but I just don't know if it means anything. Yes I know her levels but maybe the rest of the class is doing better so it's hard to know what it really means. It all sounds good but maybe I'm just an excited proud parent like everyone else. Or maybe I just know a lot of geniuses .

I agree with those who says its ok to be proud but not when it comes to making other people feel worried or upset especially the children.

I was very much if the opinion that DS was surrounded by amazingly well mannered and bright children, until a mother posted almost word for word what I had been told at parents evening! Since then I have noticed that the teacher's patter is along the "your child is kind/considerate/trustworthy/funny" lines and then they gently approach the concerns/criticisms.
I reckon that the parents who feel compelled to publicise how amazingly proud they are of their little shit darling, have probably used a little artistic license and omitted the negatives, as with most Facebook updates.
I certainly wouldn't harp on about "little Tarquinius is a year ahead in all his subjects" because that is just really crass.

Ok, I've lost the thread a bit here so can someone spell it out for me as I'm rubbish at general people interaction is the problem with people saying their children are bright when they are, in fact merely average or is it that people with bright children are posting on fb that their kids are bright and it's making the parents of less bright ones feel inadequate? Or is it something else entirely?

Please can someone surmise for me as my brain has gone foggy. TIA.

I had a conversation with a mum about spellings once. I stupidly thought, as it was year 1 and I was naive, that all the dc got the same spellings. I made some comment about a particular word as it was an unusual one. Turned out her dd was on words like cat and mine was on much longer ones. I wasn't trying to brag at all but felt terrible that I'd inadvertently pointed out the different levels of learning. I am now very vague and parents probably think I'm disinterested as I never know dd's reading level. Of course I bloody know it but announcing it on the playground will upset others and may lead to dd being picked on by her peers. One friend had add in the year below.she's very proud of her dd and announces on fb every time she goes up a level . Obviously I'm happy for her, her dd is very sweet, but it's a bit cringey especially as her best friend's dd is struggling a bit with reading and I know it upsets her.

I'm still not sure Psypher - maybe I'm friends with brainy people?

My ds is average however he always always tries his best.
I think some parents are just very easily impressed by what their children can do. I suspect being a primary teacher I know very well what's normal development and what's above.
One friend went on for ages about how fantastic her 5 year old's reading was. Honestly in my mind this child was reading Harry potter and lord of the rings. Went round to her house, child gets out book, is same book my ds has had recently. And yet I describe ds's reading as 'average' her mother described her dd's reading as 'exceptional' and 'advanced.' Same level totally different perspective!

if people are proud of their kids then that's a good thing. If they are deluding themselves, then that's a bad thing for the child, round here, because so many who really are only ever going to be average are pushed into the 11+ when they are not academic.

I have a DD who is predicted 14 A*s at GCSE, she has always been very very bright, reading and writing early and ahead of her peers in maths throughout primary school. Very self motivated and a perfectionist when it comes to presentation and going the extra mile. She plays 2 instruments and plays in an orchestra and is in 2 choirs. she has also represented the school at public speaking. I have never ever made one comment about ANY of this in RL or on FB, because it would be seen as bragging.
TBH, all the naff "mummy's so proud of her precious babies" crap after parents evening makes me wanna puke :)

Do people actually put the results of Parent's Evening on facebook?

I'm glad I live in a parallel universe if that's the case.

I don't think anyone expects people not to be proud of their children, but saying to their faces, sharing the news with grandparents and perhaps close friends is surely enough? Why does it need to be 'shouted from the rooftops' to people on social media? Surely the best thing to do with that pride is to share it with the person who has elicited it - what purpose does it serve to have it on Facebook?

I ignore most of the comments about parent evening on my fb, I'm sure teachers tell most parents that their child is brilliant and doing well, it would be quite hard to tell them otherwise ( 'yes, little sam is a little shit and not doing well at all' ).

Earlier in the year I was told my dd2 was above average in maths and reading, was told she was doing really well and had improved so much over the year. A week later I was told she was being kept down. I no longer believe that what we are told at parents evening, I rarely here anyone say there child is below average, everyone says their child is above, so in that case 'where are all the average and below average kids, do they even exist?'.

With dd1 we were shown a chart showing where all the children where ( teacher tried to cover up names and show a chart of the child's levels in the class ), dd was top in English and almost top in maths but I have no idea if this really means anything.

Unless there are any actual academic/behavioural issues which place a child either above or below the average, and that needs specific discussion, then I think teachers tend to give a fairly generic speech to the majority of parents. Phrases such as "your child is doing really well" " your child mixes really well with other children" "your child can easily manage the maths problems/literacy topics" don't actually say your child is anything other than average but I bet gets easily misinterpreted by some parents, especially when delivered in a really positive, upbeat tone. At least that seems to be my experience and that of other parents I speak to.

I remember at the end of my daughter being in Y4 she got a glowing million page report about how well she was doing in every subject.

Fast forward 6 weeks later into the first week of year 5 and I was called in because they felt she could not read well and was going into the special needs group!!!! From bright to below average in a matter of weeks. Then back up to well above average two weeks later.

I keep quiet after parents evenings and reports because my DC are in the top sets/tables for everything and one of them has an exceptional talent for one particular subject. I would hate to be seen as bragging, and in any case it would be lying by omission because I have many concerns about them that are too private to share widely. I suspect this is true of many bragging parents - I know the backstory to some of those 'my clever child' posts and, as a previous poster said, it can usually be attributed to pure relief.

Frankly, my DC take after me and their father - academically very able, but far from perfect. And that's just fine with me. We don't make a big deal of academic success at home - I'm a big believer in effort being the most important thing and I'm just trying to help them not to waste their abilities like I did .

the thing is that tbh average intelligence is plenty to take you into must jobs and be a highly successful adult. It really is about what you do with it, not your nc levels in year 1.

I only had one 'wonderful reports from parents evening' Facebook status, it was about effort and them being happy rather than boasting of advancement.

I think boasting of dc's achievements in primary school is lining yourself up to look a complete muppet when said child turns out to be Erm average, like most. And average is all good anyway.

Of course I bloody know it but announcing it on the playground will upset others

You see I think this is a shame, if your child is way behind how do you know if you have no idea what other dc are on and teacher is vague and you think they are doing really well when in fact, no their not.

Parents need to talk and share information, what if all of your dc are not reading and not doing well! You need to know. Then its obv problem with school, etc, knowledge is power

It's the same reason why everyone's kids on MN are geniuses or gifted and talented.

This thread is hilarious - every other comment is 'couldn't possibly boast out loud but did you know DD is a genius/top 1% nationally (not locally mind)/predicted more A*s than Einstein and even the MENSA joining child prodigy DW has been squeezed in.

I also love the concerns that other kids won't know how to treat these mini wonders luckily I suspect most won't even realise they are in the presence of such stars.

It all changes as time goes on and being old I have seen a lot of it and the happy sociable kids who put the effort in generally end up doing just fine.

Yes, we have all the usual suspects piling in.

Mine are incredibly average academically but bright in sense of humour and wit.

Agree with Troublesome. Being 'bright' or even 'gifted' at school, especially in the younger years, means sweet f.a as an indication of success in later life. Me - smartarse and frequently in trouble at school, now reckon I'm very bright and gifted as an adult.

I've bored many a person normally bragging about how AMAZING their DC is at reading aged 5, is on level squillion with the story of my sister- the v bright/gifted/well ahead/free reading before 6 years/put in the year above child who then by 11 realised many of her peers had more or less caught up or even overtaken her. The 'fall' from the top of the tree was devastating to her and my parents too who just couldn't comprehend it and TBH she never really recovered educationally from that point onwards.

I know quite a few kids who learned to read early, or were good at maths early, and were put ahead a year in school (relatively common in the US). All of them remained very good at school. Lots of other kids also did well in school. I have noticed that unusually clever young children remain very clever.

Some of these children became optimistic, well adjusted adults with a wide friendship circle and a successful marriage. Some became bitter misanthropes.

I don't agree it does not sometimes have an impact in later life. I was fairly bright at school, moved up a year, graduated at 20 in law etc and that has continued in the sense of fairly high earnings, being quite good at my work and probably intelligent in how I deal with the children etc. My children go to academically selective private schools where most children cannot pass the test to get in. Most children from those schools tend to enter professions with difficult entrance requirements which most people's IQs are not bright enough to enter and do quite well in life financially because of their IQ in essence plus of course hard work. So I certainly don't think it's irrelevant but if they want to do well they have to put in some effort and make intelligent choices of course.

What we can all try to do is find that one thing our child is good at as once it realises it can be good at something (can be hard to find in some children) that makes it feel good about itself (as clara says). Children who think they are useless at everything stop trying. I am sure most teachers try to get the balance right between saying that needs a lot more work, not very good and all your work is brilliant.

I boast on FB if boasting means saying how proud I am of her effort and ability given the shit year we've had

Her teacher shook my hand and thanked me for sending her to them !

She is a smart well mannered very clever child ... So bite me