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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely gutted that there is no ticket for me to attend my step DD's graduation?

102 replies

JessePinkmansHoody · 21/10/2014 20:39

There were only two allocated tickets and you could apply for more. One more has been allocated, not two, and that's gone to DP's ex wife's DH as of course it should because he's been on the scene much longer than me and helped bring her up.

Step DD has told DP that I should come and they will try to get me one on the day. But I think that would be a bad idea. It'll only make everyone feel bad (especially step DD on her special day) and me feel stooopid sat in the car in my new frock!!

I've looked on the uni website and there seems to be no mention of "tickets in the day" anyway.

But I'm gutted Blush Step DD is lovely altho I've never got to know her as well as I would have liked in the 5 years I've been with her dad as she's been away at uni for most of that. Reading on the site about the celebrations for graduates and their guests has made me feel very... shamefully.. rubbish (yes I'm a spoilt child) but I want to share in her special day... And I've never been to a graduation (although it's my own next year.. Touchwood... So I'm gagging to see what happens!)

I know it can't be helped but needed to vent here as have to put brave face on it EXCEPT on here Sad Don't I! Hmm

OP posts:
iPaddy · 21/10/2014 20:43

Just go! There may well be tickets on the day. If you can't get into the hall then just loiter and join in the celebrations after. Lots of people do that.

I work in a Uni and we live stream it to a bar for overflow guests, and we also do have tickets available on the day.

Leeds2 · 21/10/2014 20:43

Could you maybe go to the celebratory lunch/dinner afterwards, if they are having one? I know it's not quite the same.

Also, ring the uni and ask if they have any spare tickets.

Purplepoodle · 21/10/2014 20:44

Why not arrange to meet them after? Most people go for a meal or something

TheOldestCat · 21/10/2014 20:45

Agree; just go. Even if you don't get into the ceremony, there will be something going on afterwards and you can feel part of DSD's special day.

JubJubBirds · 21/10/2014 20:45

Its pretty standard to only have 2 or 3 guests to attend the actual ceremony. Any more and you worry that you're taking a ticket away from another family.

I had my mum and grandad attend mine but then the rest of my family were waiting outside to see me in my gown and have photos. Then we all went out for lunch together after before finally heading back to mine for celebratory drinks. It was a really really lovely day, one of the best in my life I think!

Could you do something like that?

CSIJanner · 21/10/2014 20:45

If DSD can, she should keep contacting the awards team to see if there have been cancellations of tickets. You never know - someone may not be able to go, or she could ask someone form her cohort who may have a spare. But you are right, there will be no tickets on the day.

Well done on the brave face!

grocklebox · 21/10/2014 20:46

the actual ceremony bit is deathly dull. An hour at least of sitting around being bored, a clap when the name you're waiting for is read out, then more bored. The fun is afterwards. Just go along anyway, join in the bits you can.
It's her day anyway.

JubJubBirds · 21/10/2014 20:46

Oh yes, also what iPaddy said. Find out if they have a big screen you can watch it on while you wait.

wink1970 · 21/10/2014 20:48

I went to my own darling Step-son's which I gather is unusual; he pleaded special circumstances as as I was the (only) one to push him to go to Uni. Perhaps you can try that?

If they really cannot get you a ticket then go along to the after-party, there is bound to be one. And make her / write her a really special heart-felt card or letter about how proud you are. Make the day or weekend about her and her achievements.

crossed fingers for your ticket appearing....

browneyedgirl86 · 21/10/2014 20:48

Can't you see if there is any spare tickets available? Worst case scenario can you not attend the lunch/celebration after if there is one?

I know it's not the same. But that way you can still attend in some capacity.

oddsocksmostly · 21/10/2014 20:49

The ceremonies are very very dull zzzz

Original poster
JessePinkmansHoody · 21/10/2014 20:50

Love MN.. Instantly feel a bit better Smile You really think it'll be appropriate for me to go along anyway? Yes there are two meals planned.. The night before.. Hotel stay (all booked) Then celebration lunch after the ceremony.

A big screen would be fine.. I could live with that... I hope they have one Smile

OP posts:
Sn00p4d · 21/10/2014 20:52

I got three tickets for mine, I asked my husband, my mum and my dad (who've been divorced since I was two) my dad refused to come without his wife. I'm over it but I'll never forget it/really forgive him for it. Point of that story is that I think it's lovely you not only want to go and support her you're happy for her dad to go without you, she's a lucky girl to have so many loving parents and I agree you should go and join in the celebrations :)

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 21/10/2014 20:52

I think most universities show the ceremony on a big screen. They know that students often have many loved ones who want to share in their big day.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 21/10/2014 20:54

You should go; wait somewhere else and then join the festivities. With so many blended families these days, it is not unusual. I am a step-child; it meant so much to me for my parents and step-parents to join together in these milestone celebrations.

PrivateJourney · 21/10/2014 20:55

I couldn't go to my DSis ceremony because of ticket allocations but I did still go for the day and we had a meal afterwards.

For my graduation we somehow managed to get loads of tickets. I don't remember it being an issue at all. DS2 snored all the way through and DS1 was very very bored. DH tried to pretend he enjoyed it but even he had to admit it was boring. TBH, even I was bored.

Tamzin125 · 21/10/2014 20:55

I agree it's deadly boring. Last grad ceremony I attended was my own and even that was dull. There's usually some sort of wine and nibbles reception either before or after the ceremony which you could definitely join in with and would be really good. You can also maybe go for a meal together afterwards - though not sure how comfortable you'd feel, depends on the relationship you all have. Can almost definitely watch on big screen too - but you have the advantage of being able to go for a walk or have a drink after you've seen the bit you want to.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/10/2014 20:56

Definitely go up anyway as suggested by your step dd.

A friend of mine gave me a spare ticket of his (only his dad was coming) so I ended up with my mum, step dad, dad and brother all there.

Perhaps she could ask around and see if anybody has a spare?

longjane · 21/10/2014 20:57

Having been to two ceremony's they are are deadly boring . Be grateful you are missing it.

ChasedByBees · 21/10/2014 20:59

Graduations are incredibly boring, but the bits around the ceremony: the drinks, lunches, killing random passerbys by throwing your mortar board hat in the air, that's the fun part.

Go.

Ragwort · 21/10/2014 21:00

Agree they are totally boring - I didn't even go to my own Grin.

ChazzerChaser · 21/10/2014 21:00

Yes go! The actual ceremony is one little bit. You'll be able to see the getting into gowns, swanning round, exiting, photos, cap throwing, all that stuff. And my Uni stream it all too for those who can't get in. I love graduations.

Brassrubbing · 21/10/2014 21:01

Two tickets is standard, so often family members end up lurking in the campus cafe and appearing for photos and lunch - don't feel too sidelined. Your DSD might be better off putting the word around making her friends that she's looking for spares, too - there will be people whose families aren't coming who may be able to pass on a spare ticket. I'm pretty sure that's how I managed to get in three siblings as well as my parents at my first conferring. (And if you can only join in afterwards, do bear in mind that degree ceremonies are incredibly dull, even when they're yours!)

immaturestudent · 21/10/2014 21:04

Definitely turn up, also ask DD to ask on FB and uni notice boards for spare tickets not everyone attends or uses up their tickets

elsbethy · 21/10/2014 21:04

Definitely go along. Even if you can't get it, there will be plenty of other people waiting outside, there always are (I've worked at many graduation ceremonies). And, as others have said, the fun bit is the photos, drinks, dinner afterwards.

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