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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely gutted that there is no ticket for me to attend my step DD's graduation?

102 replies

JessePinkmansHoody · 21/10/2014 20:39

There were only two allocated tickets and you could apply for more. One more has been allocated, not two, and that's gone to DP's ex wife's DH as of course it should because he's been on the scene much longer than me and helped bring her up.

Step DD has told DP that I should come and they will try to get me one on the day. But I think that would be a bad idea. It'll only make everyone feel bad (especially step DD on her special day) and me feel stooopid sat in the car in my new frock!!

I've looked on the uni website and there seems to be no mention of "tickets in the day" anyway.

But I'm gutted Blush Step DD is lovely altho I've never got to know her as well as I would have liked in the 5 years I've been with her dad as she's been away at uni for most of that. Reading on the site about the celebrations for graduates and their guests has made me feel very... shamefully.. rubbish (yes I'm a spoilt child) but I want to share in her special day... And I've never been to a graduation (although it's my own next year.. Touchwood... So I'm gagging to see what happens!)

I know it can't be helped but needed to vent here as have to put brave face on it EXCEPT on here Sad Don't I! Hmm

OP posts:
AskYourselfWhy · 21/10/2014 23:04

Molio the OP isn't cross with her DSD and she is not thinking she should go instead of anyone else. Confused I don't get why you have the impression that the OP is 'nagging' anyone.

Icimoi · 21/10/2014 23:34

For DD's graduation DS had to go with the option of watching it on screen. He was absolutely delighted, it meant he could read during the boring bits.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/10/2014 23:34

er Molio, the op hasn't nagged her step daughter and her step daughter would like her there.

Try projecting a little less and reading the op a little more.

mumwithanipad · 21/10/2014 23:48

You sound like a lovely stepmum Jesse, I've fingers crossed for you that a ticket turns up but if not I'd do what others have suggested and still go for the after party.

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2014 23:52

Go but go shopping if there's no tickets and then meet them afterwards with a smile and a present.

Original poster
JessePinkmansHoody · 22/10/2014 00:06

Thanks all I feel so much more informed about graduations now.. I was actually fairly clueless and you've taken some of the mystery out of it now and I can see there's so much more to it than the ceremony.

Molio, don't know what you're going on about really...

OP posts:
Original poster
JessePinkmansHoody · 22/10/2014 00:14

I'll also be more than happy watching a big screen (if possible) with other excess family members! Smile I just didn't know this happened until now

OP posts:
LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 22/10/2014 00:20

Aww, you sound lovely Jesse - I wish my step mum and my dad had wanted to attend my graduation as much as you want to go to your step DD's (my step mum took my dad abroad that week - and yes she knew it was my graduation that week when she booked it as I wrote it on the calendar in huge letters and reminded them both frequently - they just didn't care).
Anyway, I say go and try to get tickets on the day, my friend only had 3 tickets issued to start with (but had 3 children, a husband and her mum wanting to be there) and she managed to get seats for the rest on the day by asking around other students. So it is possible, plus student services may have some they have kept back.
If a ticket can't be found then do a bit of retail therapy, and join them after for drinks and a meal. Your step daughter will be so glad you turned up and supported her - whether you manage to get in to see it or not is not the most important bit to her, the fact you turned up and tried everything to be there for her is what counts! Take it from a step kid, all the effort you put in to being there for her that day will mean the world to her.

mrbob · 22/10/2014 01:53

I had a similar problem with loads of people wanting to come to mine (think it was more for the meal then the ceremony!) I managed to get a couple of extra tickets but there was also a system where anyone else who wanted to come could sit in the bar area and watch on a video link. Not quite the same but means you get to join in the rest of the day :) Also I think my sister and a couple of her kids managed to get in when there was space at the back of the hall once everyone else had gone in!

SignYourNameInBrownAndFlame · 22/10/2014 05:53

As others have said...I work in a university and we live stream the ceremonies in a separate room. There are always loads of ticketless extra relatives watching, so definitely go along anyway - you won't be the only one watching from outside the hall itself.

The way it works at my uni is that all graduands are allocated two tickets automatically at the outset with the opportunity to request extra but with no guarantees. Once the team managing the graduation process have had "yes I'm coming/no I'll graduate in absentia" responses, they know how many tickets they have at that stage to reallocate around the requests for extra guests, but there are rarely enough to fulfil all the extra requests. Sounds like that's the point your DSD's uni has got to.

On the day itself, we always get a small number of no-shows and also some ceremonies end up being naturally slightly less full than others depending on the cohort size for the subjects receiving their awards. Our graduands have to collect their tickets in person on the day in strict ceremony order slots (so if a graduand is in the 4.30pm ceremony it would be of no benefit to turn up at 6.00am hoping for extra tickets as we wouldn't have processed that batch yet, or for students to promise to hand over extras between themselves unless they're in the same ceremony). If anyone requests extra for the ceremony in the hall itself (as opposed to watching the live stream, for which you don't need a ticket) they are either given a number and told to come back at a certain time, by which point we will know how many no-shows and spare tickets there are and will give them out to the first however-many numbers we can, or if it's a quieter ceremony where we already know there are a few spaces they might be lucky enough to get a spare ticket there and then.

We try to get as many people in the actual hall as possible, because we want everyone to enjoy the special day with their families and supporters and because it makes for a great atmosphere for the graduands.

It's worth your DSD finding out how last-minute allocation is managed at her uni because some of the suggestions here - ask fellow students, turn up at the crack of dawn - might work at some institutions but not others. But regardless of that, definitely attend, enjoy all the other parts of the day, go along with the expectation of watching on the big screen and if you can get an on-the-day ticket, that will be a bonus.

Ilovehamabeads · 22/10/2014 06:43

My own mother fell asleep during my graduation, that's how interesting she found mine Hmm

sashh · 22/10/2014 06:44

Go but make other arrangements if you can't get a ticket.

Some unis do have tickets on the day and some show the ceremony on a screen for 'overflow' and you can all go for a drink/meal afterwards.

Tryharder · 22/10/2014 06:47

God, yes graduation ceremonies are deadly boring.

Drop them off at the ceremony, go shopping, meet them afterwards for the dinner and the fun bits.

londonrach · 22/10/2014 07:41

Go. I had the same problem with two tickets and had dm, dsis, d soon to be mil, dear soon to be fil, dear soon to be dh. Tickets went to dsis and dm. On the day everyone went as tent outside with big screen. Dh to be and dmil to be were given tickets and dfil to be watched in the tent. My poor fil had to go to work!

londonrach · 22/10/2014 07:42

My poor dad went to work not fil who was in the tent and hasnt mastered the art if being in two places at once yet!

rallytog1 · 22/10/2014 08:06

Go. I wangled my way into both my brothers' graduation ceremonies without a ticket. I just waited until it was about to start then asked a man on the door very nicely if I could come in. It wasn't a problem either time.

Molio · 22/10/2014 08:11

Hardly 'projecting' Ali. I've been to three of my DCs' graduations in the past year alone :) But I have just seen a lot of angst among some of their friends with step parents and acrimoniously divorced parents about who should attend, and it's certainly spoiled the day for some, big time.

I found the use of the word 'gutted' over the top and OP also mentioned that she's not been on the scene that long, so I would have thought staying away would be the way to go. Graduations aren't a huge deal.

My DCs' ceremonies were not relayed on any screen and the ticket holders only were invited to the lunch, so if it's one of those unis then even more reason not to attend.

starfishmummy · 22/10/2014 08:18

I would say go and enjoy the other parts of the celebrations. The ceremony really is dull - lots of people you dont know walking across the stage for hours (seems like it) for a nano second of your dsd.
I don't know where you will be but can you plan something nice for while you are waiting? Bit of shopping, some pampering (hairdresser/manicure etc).or visiting a gallery?

outofcontrol2014 · 22/10/2014 08:22

The graduation ceremony is really, really, really, really, really super-boring. Imagine someone reading out a telephone directory and each person shaking someone's hand. The only amusement to stop you stabbing out your eyes with the boredom is watching whether some of the girls, many of whom are dressed like they're going for a night on the town, trip over in their massive heels.

Go along, but don't feel like you're missing anything in the ceremony! It is much nicer watching on a screen outside or on the internet in a pub with a celebratory glass of wine.

I didn't go to a single one of my graduations, and I've had four. They are a colossal waste of time. Being together as a family afterwards is what's really important.

thegreylady · 22/10/2014 08:28

I can speak from experience. My stepds could only have 2 tickets for his graduation ceremony so they went to dh and his ex. I went along and spent the ceremony time in the uni bookshop choosing a 'special' book as a graduation gift for dss. After the ceremony we all had lunch and spent the rest of the day together. It was absolutely fine and he loved the book. His mum's dh wasn't there at all though.
Do go, especially as she wants you to.

Hakluyt · 22/10/2014 08:37

I've been to all my nieces and nephews graduations- they go off get their hands shaken with their proud parents, and I get the picnic organised. It's traditional now. Hope one of my siblings offers to do it when it's dd's!

Figamol · 22/10/2014 08:45

I remember at my graduation it was exactly the same. Two tickets, possibly three if we begged. Don't put yourself through the humiliation of being turned away, arrange to meet them afterwards for a photos and a nice graduation lunch/dinner. Mine was terribly boring anyway!!!

BestIsWest · 22/10/2014 10:44

At DD's there were loads of spare tickets on the day. DS and my parents had come along anyway just to celebrate with her and to have pictures taken with her. They were delighted to actually be able to get in ( apart from DS who had been hoping to go and sit somewhere quietly and play with his phone).

Go along, there will be loads of friends and family who don't have tickets.

lurkerspeaks · 22/10/2014 11:07

My sister and I graduated from the same university. There were huge ticket limitations.

Our large sprawling family meant that our parents +/- one or two grandparents went to the ceremony itself and then anyone else who wanted to go along timed their arrival for afterwards so they got pictures taken with the graduate in their gown.

Brother went to far far away universities so my parents went on their own and we had family dinner close to home later.

Family dinner in a restaurant afterwards. Mine was a Saturday so we had lunch. Sisters was a later ceremony and we did dinner as my brother and I had been at work.

It gets less exciting the more you do it. Everyone refused to get involved in my recent postgrad qualification ceremony so I graduated in absentia.

outtolunchagain · 22/10/2014 11:24

Whether there are spare tickets depends on venue , without giving too much away mine was in an ancient castle so very tight on space , dsb was in Albert Hall loads if space . Lunch also ticket only at mine , did manage three tickets and they sat at opposite ends of the roomHmm