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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely gutted that there is no ticket for me to attend my step DD's graduation?

102 replies

JessePinkmansHoody · 21/10/2014 20:39

There were only two allocated tickets and you could apply for more. One more has been allocated, not two, and that's gone to DP's ex wife's DH as of course it should because he's been on the scene much longer than me and helped bring her up.

Step DD has told DP that I should come and they will try to get me one on the day. But I think that would be a bad idea. It'll only make everyone feel bad (especially step DD on her special day) and me feel stooopid sat in the car in my new frock!!

I've looked on the uni website and there seems to be no mention of "tickets in the day" anyway.

But I'm gutted Blush Step DD is lovely altho I've never got to know her as well as I would have liked in the 5 years I've been with her dad as she's been away at uni for most of that. Reading on the site about the celebrations for graduates and their guests has made me feel very... shamefully.. rubbish (yes I'm a spoilt child) but I want to share in her special day... And I've never been to a graduation (although it's my own next year.. Touchwood... So I'm gagging to see what happens!)

I know it can't be helped but needed to vent here as have to put brave face on it EXCEPT on here Sad Don't I! Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
JessePinkmansHoody · 21/10/2014 21:04

Lol Ragwort! Grin

And Sn00p you are flattering me undeservedly.. I came on here to petulantly whine Grin But I feel better now ..,

I'm bloody going to my own next year and refuse to feel bored!!! GrinGrin It will have taken me 11 years of ups and down to get there! I'll just sit in my own little smug bubble of incredulity that I finally got there and probably miss my name being called!!

OP posts:
iPaddy · 21/10/2014 21:07

Oh and my university's ceremonies are not in the least bit dull unless you have to sit through ten a week like me

ChazzerChaser · 21/10/2014 21:09

I agree they are not dull. And I've sat through many. You won't miss your name as you'll be all lined up.

Waswondering · 21/10/2014 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penelopicon · 21/10/2014 21:12

Some universities also live broadcast the ceremony to other rooms where relatives who couldn't get tickets can watch - I'd contact the university and see if that's the case for them. My grandparents watched my graduation this way 8 years ago :-)

youwouldthink · 21/10/2014 21:13

With my daughter it was the same, just two tickets. However they had set up a hall area with video streaming of the graduation. You could perhaps check if this is the case.

Even if not there were many people there without tickets and they were happy to wait until the ceremony was complete and head out for dinner etc

UptheChimney · 21/10/2014 21:14

YABU.

It's really not about you.

Original poster
JessePinkmansHoody · 21/10/2014 21:21

No I realise that UpTheChimney.. Many thanks Smile The AIBU was tongue in cheek but obviously I WAS disappointed so thought I'd share it here only

OP posts:
AskYourselfWhy · 21/10/2014 21:33

There will be lots of people hanging around who aren't actually going into the ceremony bit so you won't feel odd or left out. I would go and I would have a great time. I Think graduations are lovely, I know loads and loads of people get degrees but it still a special moment in someone's life (unless they have more than one..)

I was in York last year at the same time as the town was full of graduates celebrating after their graduation ceremony, there was a fantastic atmosphere. Everyone was happy.

Congrats to your DSD and good luck for you for next year.

Nicknacky · 21/10/2014 21:33

I know nothing about graduations but the main thing is that you were wanted there and it's purely logistics that might prevent that.

My h's parents are divorced and events like this are a nightmare. It's great that you all come together for your DSD.

catsrus · 21/10/2014 21:37

I'm guessing your own is OU Jesse - I promise it will not be boring ??

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 21/10/2014 21:43

At my sons graduation there was a video link to a marquee outside hall where the graduation was for additional family and friends to watch. That said there were loads of his friends with four tickets for four parents. Go along anyway, its a great day= and as others have said there will be plenty milling round without tickets.

Original poster
JessePinkmansHoody · 21/10/2014 21:43

Yes good old trusty OU Catsrus Smile

I'm glad I posted.. I'm looking forward to it again now. Bizarrely I WON my dress I plan to wear in a competition and I'm so looking forward to wearing it to DSD's day.. But I'm totally aware it IS DSD's day... DP is so proud of her as are we all. Her degree is in politics and law Smile

OP posts:
giraffescantboogie · 21/10/2014 21:49

Glad you are going to go :)

Me624 · 21/10/2014 21:49

I was allowed three tickets for mine and argued with my parents about who should get the third - they wanted my gran, I wanted my DH (then boyfriend of 2 years). Ask dsd to check with the university how likely it is that tickets will be available on the day - mine said it was a near certainty if you got there early. They reserve 3 per student but lots of international students don't go at all or don't use all three.

So I gave in to my parents, my gran had the official ticket, and DH and I got up early and sourced him an extra ticket.

If that's not possible then definitely agree with the others that you should go anyway for the photos/celebrations bit. My siblings and I all went to each other's that's way - no tickets for the ceremony but lots of family photos, seeing the graduate in their gown and celebratory lunch out afterwards, still a special day.

ElleyBear13 · 21/10/2014 22:07

When my hubby graduated five years ago he gave his two tickets to his parents and i stood in the hall to watch him on the big screen, the same for my brothers. Most unis (i think) have a live showing of the graduation for extra relatives/friends so it might be worth to ring up the uni to ask.

I agree with everyone else still go, celebrate and enjoy the day in your new dress! There will be a after party, photos and drinks...hope you have a lovely time!

JustSayNoNoNo · 21/10/2014 22:10

Phone the official lines, phone her department, ask her to ask around for a spare ticket. If all else fails, just go anyway. There may be an official way to get tickets on the day, or there may not, but with a bit of luck you will get there.

Some places film the ceremony and you can buy the DVD.

Molio · 21/10/2014 22:21

Yes you're being totally unreasonable to expect a ticket. Lots of unis restrict the number to two. That inevitably excludes siblings or a parent in a nuclear family. There are space restrictions which cause difficulties for all sorts of much closer relations than you are to your DP's DD. It seems absolutely appropriate that the third ticket goes to a step parent who has been around longer, participated in the graduand's upbringing etc. Stop nagging - it's not about you. The DD should be allowed to enjoy her day with her DM, DF and DSF without having to worry about spare tickets for you/ family politics. Give her a break.

Greyhound · 21/10/2014 22:27

When I graduated, loads of people just turned up. I think they all got in which was a bit annoying as they drank all the booze

Tuo · 21/10/2014 22:35

Depending when it is, they may well release more tickets nearer the time. But failing that, just go. There are always 'no-shows' on the day and you may well get in. But even if you don't, you will be there for all the important parts - the dressing up, the pictures, the champagne, the ... erm ... more champagne, etc. The ceremony will almost certainly be shown on a big screen somewhere and there will be lots of other people watching there. But the most important thing is that you will feel part of the day and will be there for your DSD. Enjoy!

JeanneDeMontbaston · 21/10/2014 22:37

As others say, it is normal, but it is absolutely normal too to turn up.

All the emotional bits happen around the ceremony, anyway: you'll all go and do pictures, and let her pose in her gown, and so on, and that bit will be all of you in a big group.

A few days ago I was passing as a group of people graduating, and one woman had what looked like her whole extended family from her parents down to her grandchildren, and it was just lovely. I really don't think you will miss out on the emotions by joining in after the ceremony.

outtolunchagain · 21/10/2014 22:39

When I graduated I had to get up at 4.00am to go and queue to get an extra ticket for my SM because my DF wouldn't come without her and my mother would never speak to me if she didn't get to come.I got one but I have never forgotten that I didn't come. First it was just about scoring points between DM and DF

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived · 21/10/2014 22:40

Oh yes, do go.

Even back in the mists of time when DH and I graduated, I went along, hung around with him in his gown (different subjects so mine was the next day) and all that. There is loads to join in with. Smile

DoYouWannaBuildaSnowman · 21/10/2014 22:46

Definitely go, they will.almost certainly screen it somewhere and you can still be part of her big day even if you're not in the actual room.

DH and I met at uni, he graduated the year before me, 2 tickets each time. His mum and Nan got the tickets, I watched on the big screen with friends (his dad disappeared but came back for meal out afterwards!) My parents got the tickets for mine, he and my sister watched it in the overflow hall. We were all still able to be part of both days and celebrate together.

Molio · 21/10/2014 22:49

Sorry to hear that outtolunch, it sounds as if they made it rubbish for you which is exactly how it shouldn't be. Why on earth do graduations have to get so emotional? They do seem to attract a lot of hangers on. It should be about the graduand and what the graduand wants, not about various step dads, step mums etc.