To marry in the same year as my sister?

[fifi669]

My sister is getting married July next year. The venue is booked etc.

My partner and I have discussed marriage at length and next year would be ideal for us. We plan to ttc our next child from the summer so the year after would be out due to hopefully a pregnancy/newborn.

My sister originally said its fine but has now said she's worried that family from Ireland will only go to one of they're close together, also that my dad might pay less towards her wedding of I were to get married too. Our parents (both remarried) will help financially, they have done so for our brother, my dad is just notoriously tight!

My brother is hoping to emigrate to oz next year with his children.

Would I be unreasonable to also marry next year? I obviously would make my wedding as far from hers as possible date wise.

I am amazed that people think that if my sister has a big glitzy wedding, I'm only allowed to elope/registry office etc!

fifi

Why can't teachers travel on weekends outside the school holidays?

How does it cost more money to get married in a Church? It might be more difficult to meet the conditions required, but it's the reception that costs money, not the church bit.

Can your sister get her money back? - I'm thinking joint wedding.

Get married this year, or over the new year during the Christmas Hols. Sorts out the teaching relatives, gives everyone something to do on NY and you'll get free flowers at the venue :) Plus you know that the weather will be rubbish and will choose a dress/car etc accordingly. A sunny winter day will therefore be a bonus.

Fairly sure that you can't have a church wedding on a Sunday, certainly not in Ireland anyway.
Consider having the wedding in Ireland too?

Only my grandparents live in Ireland, plus one uncle that may or may not go.

This year is too soon. Grandparents are over next week, they won't come back again so soon, they at a push left it this late in the year to come to attend my son's christening whilst also seeing us and an ill relative. Due to their age they don't like travelling too much or in poor weather.

You can marry in church on a Sunday, the CofE website confirms this, a friend was also married in church on a Sunday this year.

maidofstars for DPs daughter to come it would have to be a Sunday due to contact arrangements. Very poor relationship with his ex (I know you'll all assume it's his fault but it's really not) so there is no chance she'd change the day even for our wedding.

Yes, fifi, I saw we cross-posted about that (see upthread).

Still not clear on; Why can't teachers travel on weekends outside the school holidays?

Mine won't be big and glitzy, it will be church followed by a small reception of maybe 60, 40 of which would be immediate family and partners/children.

You should get married at your son's christening if that is soon and there's enough time to give notice. You have loads of relatives coming anyway. I know someone who did this as a surprise to all the guests.

Honestly this is so complex and it's all so irrelevant. You say that you want the important things such as

-you love this man and just want to be married
-you want to change your ds's name/PR etc

But from what I can see you want a whole lot more of unnecessary crap to go with it. There will be a big glitzy party at your sisters wedding to do all this "mingling", see family etc. I'd be thrilled if I was in your position - go to the party, albeit not as the bride and it's all free and you see all your family. Do you need these people to adore you in a white dress and be the centre of attention? It is very very overrated.

I can't really articulate it well but virtually nobody regrets quickie/cheap/small weddings (I had one 15 years ago, would not change a thing). It was £100, including paying to give the notice required. This glitzy crap is not worth it, one day you will realise that. Plenty regret the monstrous wasteful outlay/the anticlimax of a big wedding. Be careful you aren't one of them.

Teachers can travel but if the wedding is on Sunday as it would have to be, my brother would have to leave after the meal to travel back home for work at school the next day, other family members who are teachers couldn't enjoy a drink at the reception due to work the next day. Everyone else is self employed or retired barring me and DP so wouldn't have the issue.

You are overthinking this, honestly.

The total outlay from us will be no more than 2k. Our parents will add to it, total less than 6k.

Christening is in a week and a half, far too soon!

I do want my day, as selfish as that may sound, nothing more. Just that one day.

Ok - to summarize

• Only three relatives will need to travel from Ireland but two are elderly and unwilling to travel during bad weather
• Sunday wedding CoE preferred, preferably on a Bank Holiday weekend or at start of / during holiday
• Spring preferred due to discounting, emigrating close family, sufficient distance from sisters wedding not to cause financial hardship to parents/inconvenience to sisters wedding planning.

Two weddings in the same year is not unreasonable I think. Meh - to your sister. Basically since there seems to be an expectation / wish on behalf of your parents to assist with costs then it is largely down to them as to whether it is affordable and in what time frame. The rest is frankly moot so you have to ask them.

If your sister has actually booked a venue and committed cost then she has first dibs on the funding, it's that simple. If not, then you simply have a rather unseemly scramble to secure it.

If you have a Spring wedding, there is a risk of snow all the way out to March so there is always a risk that your grandparents will not attend.

Personally, if the church thing is v important as is minimising inconvenience to GP's, why not see if the vicar can marry you next week in front of your grandparents and presumably parents at the christening?

I'd still go for a Spring wedding. Talk to your vicar about dates. Easter week is definitely tricky and Feb half term clashes with valentines day which can make florists and hotels/venues pricey so by my calc's your only option there is Sunday 15th Feb so you would need a specialist weddings only venue if you need accommodation with the venue to avoid lots of people on romantic weekends and v high weekend rates
www.countryhouseweddings.co.uk/gosfield-hall/
We saw this place when we were searching for a venue. It does civil ceremonies but has a CoE church at the end of the drive which lots of people get married in.

It seems 50/50. Half say don't be silly she can't book a year for a wedding of course you can get married. Half day I'd be selfish to do so/have jealousy issues/can only do so if I'm prepared to do it on the sly with no do.

I'm trying to work out when you actually decided you wanted the wedding?

You say you discussed at length about getting married but did you only just decide to set the date the moment you found out your sister had booked her date?

I think booking it before her now is pretty low actually.... You seem to just be making excuse after excuse as to why you cannot get married after your sister.

I just think you don't do compromise at all!

The only thing you'd have to compromise in October is a slightly more expense (which really shouldn't be a huge problem as bank of mummy and daddy are helping out) and the weather (which isn't that bad compared to March actually).

Thank you treadsoftly for getting it! As I've said after hers is fine by me too though more expensive.

There will be no scramble for money, they have money away for such things. My sister is just worried that my dad will try to give us half each rather than the amount he set aside for us both as its in one year.

For me it's not that you want to get married in the same year, but that you want to get married before.

For seemingly no particluar reason(imo)

I'll say again, she told us AFTER we said about our plans she had secretly booked somewhere in May this year!

So really it's the other way round?

Just get married, have a beautiful wedding and a glorious life.

You have a selective memory. I don't see a single person saying you shouldn't get married in the same year.

Dear All,

Just to let you now that there is no legal reason why you cannot be married on a Sunday in a CofE church.

In fact, the CofE guidance states there is no legal reason not to get married on any day of the year - including Christmas!www.yourchurchwedding.org/faqs/frequently-asked-questions.aspx

This doesn't mean that any vicar in any church will be willing or able to conduct a marriage on any Sunday or Holy Day though. They would need to fit it around all their other services and commitments. Easter and Holy Week, for example, are very busy times.

Also bear in mind, that Lent next year is 18 February - April 2. Some churches may discourage weddings at this time. Churches also generally have no flowers during Lent, so if you want any you will need to provide them yourselves. In that case, any flowers you have will need to be moved after the wedding service.

There are obviously many family factors for the OP to think about, but she may also wish to consider discussing things with her vicar to ensure her vision of a Sunday wedding matches his/hers.

xxx

"I'll say again, she told us AFTER we said about our plans she had secretly booked somewhere in May this year!"

Yes,but now that you know she has somewhere booked,it still doesn't mean that you have to marry before her.

You could wait until you've had another child,marry after her & before you ttc...