To marry in the same year as my sister?

[fifi669]

My sister is getting married July next year. The venue is booked etc.

My partner and I have discussed marriage at length and next year would be ideal for us. We plan to ttc our next child from the summer so the year after would be out due to hopefully a pregnancy/newborn.

My sister originally said its fine but has now said she's worried that family from Ireland will only go to one of they're close together, also that my dad might pay less towards her wedding of I were to get married too. Our parents (both remarried) will help financially, they have done so for our brother, my dad is just notoriously tight!

My brother is hoping to emigrate to oz next year with his children.

Would I be unreasonable to also marry next year? I obviously would make my wedding as far from hers as possible date wise.

Daisy exactly....

Op do it before the weather gets 'blustery'

My family won't be spent out. Both sets of parents have plenty of money aside.

I'm not getting stroppy, I'm just answering the same questions repeatedly.

I do want to get married, but yes I want a wedding too. I'm pretty sure that's not unreasonable.

It has to be a church wedding and my family would be devastated if we just pooped to the registry office.

My DH and I got married in the same year as his brother. His was in the summer, ours was in the autumn. I don't see what all the angst is about here. Families like to go to weddings, if they're invited they'll most likely come. Friends aren't always shared and there's your DPs part of the family too.

Worked fine,

YANBU at all, and easter sounds fine to me.

You want to be married before you have a baby together. Makes total sense to me. As long as it's not very close to your sister's wedding it should be fine.

I don't even why you should have a super low key wedding just because your sister is marrying the same year. It's perfectly possible to feel that marriage is important and still want a wedding.

Sorry - worked fine for us. No jealousy that they went before us. Everyone turned up both times and it was grand.

It'd be March and I never said big wedding. Immediate family, grandparents and a handful of friends.

They already have children....

If there's plenty of money, how about that going towards helping guests travel twice?

March was only an idea due to the reduced cost and beginning of school holidays. After that it would be after hers as other school holidays would be too close I think.

Can't believe posters are suggesting the op wants to upstage her sister because she's not keen on just popping to the registry office. Ffs, it's four months before, they're just weddings. People get married all the time.

Now if the op had suggested the day before, that would be unreasonable...

It's not the travel cost for my grandparents (everyone else is local), it's the fact they're old.

They don't have children. She has a dc from a previous relationship, who will be adopted by her dp after the wedding (all the more reason to do it soonish).

Seriously op, I don't think anyone in real life will bat an eyelid. Mumsnet can be odd sometimes.

By immediate family I mean my siblings and parents, then there's my grandparents (Irish) and a handful of separate friends to hers.

No we have a 16 week old and we both have one previously. We don't want to have a pregnancy or newborn at our wedding (of ours) and will be ttc the latter half of next year due to not getting any younger....

Jeez there's so many don't wants do wants ....sounds nauseating....

Best of luck

I thought they did have a small child together....

Very confused

This reminds me of Jodie Kidd and her sister Jemma (sleb triv). Jemma was with childhood sweetheart for ages, announces engagement and starts organising wedding. Suddenly Jodie Kidd finds some poor sap, gets engaged on a whim and starts planning wedding too. Family very quietly urge her to let her sister have a little of the limelight seeing that she had been planning her nuptials for a long time. Jodie Kidd is now with her second husband (third significant relationship in a few years, a child conceived in the middle).

I think you should let your sister have her wedding without having to worry about whether relatives will come and whether the budget has changed. Once she has got married im sure she won't care one bit what date yours happens on.

What she is really imploring you to do is allow her to enjoy the build up to her wedding without panicking you are going to throw a bombshell in early 2015. If you decide to go ahead regardless be prepared to damage your relationship with your sis. I think I would struggle to see you in the same light if you went ahead knowing I was upset about it.

Oh no, I'm wrong, ignore me.

Still, I don't think you're being at all unreasonable.

Tell your sister you're booking for the easter and just make it clear you'll be having a very different kind of wedding.

It's not a 'big wedding' just because the OP wants her brother and wider family to be at it.

And you can 'just want to be married' but still want to have a nice wedding bit as well, large or small.

This thread makes it seem like if the OP doesn't do it tomorrow with just strangers dragged in off the street and no family present then she's the biggest bridezilla since that glue woman and her 'save the date to be my skivvy' cards.

I've just looked up the date for Easter Sunday and it's 5th April.

If you're getting married on a Sunday in church, it's not going to be that one, so you are either looking at 29th March or 12th April, possibly 19th April depending on the school holidays, which you say is also a factor.

It is cutting it close to your sisters wedding (and depending when in July she has booked her for you are looking at getting married somewhere between 13-17 weeks before her)

Only you know your family circumstances, and if people can travel for two weddings in that space of time.

If they can, and many of them did for our wedding and then DH's cousin a few weeks later, then there really isn't an issue.

Blah, you have a tangled web of priorities - the Christian not wanting to ttc before marriage looks a bit half hearted if you have a 16 week old together!

Essentially, for a lot of rather flimsy reasons, including worrying about your hair looking good just in case it is windy, you have decided to have a fairly big traditional wedding at Easter 2015, 3 months before your sister's slightly bigger, traditional wedding. You would like people to assure you this is absolutely in no way inconsiderate, and that you are a good person so you can go ahead with a feeling of self rigious indignation if she is hurt.

I guess what it comes down to is will it upset your sister and mum, and if it will, do you care? If it won't, or you don't, then go ahead.

I am not a wedding fan, find most of it ridiculous, even I understand that it is common decency not to deliberately plan a wedding just before the date you know full well your sister's is already booked for, when sister has already told you will upset her, unless you have no choice (which you do, but are trying to convince yourself you don't). Your sister's whole proposal thing sounds ridiculous too - but does rather indicate that all this is going to matter to her...

I think most people are just suggesting she get married AFTER her sisters wedding date. It can be same year, just afterwards. Then if family don't come over twice it won't fuck up the brides day who has already invested in her wedding and can't change the date of it.

I'm actually stunned that as a grown woman with her own home and children, you are actually expecting your parents to contribute financially.

We didn't dream of asking and when some was offered we, of course, turned it down. I wasn't leaving home to get married. I was an adult with my own financial affairs.