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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel uncomfortable about my son praying at school?

405 replies

KirjavaTheCat · 20/10/2014 11:53

DS is four and has just started reception. A couple of days ago, we were playing and he said something like "...and then we put our hands together without clapping like this, and shut our eyes and say, 'dear God' and then we say things"

I asked where he learned that and apparently they pray every morning. I find this odd because his class is made up of children from all different religious backgrounds, and it isn't a faith school. Why are they learning to worship?

We're not religious. I don't think I'm comfortable with him praying to 'God' every day. Should I say something? AIBU?

OP posts:
feelingmellow · 21/10/2014 16:34

Like it or not the majority in this country identify themselves as christians. Whether or not they go to church is immaterial. There is no point in railing against the schools or other parents who are happy with the status quo because it won't change anything. Lobby your MP or join a pressure group to agitate for change.

SixImpossible · 21/10/2014 16:34

the UK respects my choice to have a different religion, or no religion.

pbwer · 21/10/2014 16:38

Ragwort

2 Timothy 3:16

If you can't get behind the book of the christian faith being true then how can you base your life around it

#derailsThread

SixImpossible · 21/10/2014 16:38

when they understand they are not being brought up Christian-who knows what they will be in 10, 20 ... 50 yrs time!
How do I know what I will be in 10 yrs time?

No, I meant exactly what I said. My dc are not Christian. True, as adults they may change how they behave or what they believe. They may even choose to become Christian. But they are neither Christian nor being brought up Christian.

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2014 16:44

"Most posters seem to have the impression that there are only two alternatives in this debate: atheism and Christianity. There are more."

some people just have NO RELIGION.

Being a Christian is not the UK 'Default' but it is the default that people seem to expect anyone who does not have a different religion to default to Christianity when the default is actually no religion, surely.

My son is being raised with no religion because neither my husband or I have a religion. I haven't rejected a religion because I had none to start with.

This thread has made me think even more seriously about withdrawing him from daily worship even though it really pisses me off that it should be me who withdraws him rather than the religious parents who opt in to some kind of worship.

Hakluyt · 21/10/2014 16:49

"Sensible parents Ragwort. I will leave you to it, but not one person has said why it should matter that I believe in God and my children don't. What is the big deal?"

It doesn't matter. I've said that several times.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/10/2014 16:50

My son is being raised with no religion because neither my husband or I have a religion. I haven't rejected a religion because I had none to start with

But if he finds one for himself why would it matter? Or are you open minded enough so that it wouldn't matter?

Hakluyt · 21/10/2014 16:51

"As Delphinium says, why should it matter that my child thinks exactly the same as I do? "

It doesn't matter.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/10/2014 16:53

It doesn't matter. I've said that several times.

But is that true of everyone. I get the impression that some atheists would be upset if their adult child was a full member of a church.

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2014 16:54

" if he finds one for himself why would it matter? Or are you open minded enough so that it wouldn't matter?"

it would be nice if he were left alone to find one for himself if he wants to without outside influence, particularly not as a 4 year old in a school.

I'm not going to disown him if he decides he believes in God when he's older but sticking 4 year olds in a room and telling them that they are going to pray to a god is not learning about religion.

Hakluyt · 21/10/2014 16:56

"
But is that true of everyone. I get the impression that some atheists would be upset if their adult child was a full member of a church."

Have you got that impression from anyone on this thread?

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2014 16:56

Incidentally - I was one of those children kept out of assemblies as a small child. I did start going to them when I hit secondary school - I liked the singing. I am still without religion. I have religious friends and I respect their view even if I do think they are crazy to believe in God(s) and prayer and all the things that come along with it.

Ragwort · 21/10/2014 16:56

pbwer I think you will find that many people who consider themselves to have a Christian faith do not believe every single word in the Bible, including my Minister.

Does that make us second class Christians in your view? Confused.

We have many robust and interesting discussions in our Church about whether or not we accept 'literal' truths in the Bible and within our own congregation we have many different views. As far as I am concerned all views and opinions are welcome and worth thinking about Smile.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/10/2014 17:05

Have you got that impression from anyone on this thread?

Yes.
It is rather like the early church and everything in Latin so that people only heard it through the priest. Some people only want their child to hear what they allow them to hear.

Nomama · 21/10/2014 17:06

"
But is that true of everyone. I get the impression that some atheists would be upset if their adult child was a full member of a church."

Have you got that impression from anyone on this thread?

Sorry to double quote...

I don't think anyone has said that. Most of us atheists are arguing between ourselves (see Hak and myself) on our different perspectives on religion in school. Unless I missed a page no one has done an 'eek shock horror' post. I don't think I'd bat an eyelid if one of mine joined up, DH might have a minor wobble though.

Hakluyt · 21/10/2014 17:08

"Yes.
It is rather like the early church and everything in Latin so that people only heard it through the priest. Some people only want their child to hear what they allow them to hear."

Would you mind pointing me towards one of these posts? Because as far as I am aware, everyone is united in the importance of RE as a subject.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/10/2014 17:11

This thread is like all the others-round and round in circles.
If you don't like it campaign for change. It isn't difficult the campaign is there, you just support.

Hakluyt · 21/10/2014 17:11

Mind you, I would certainly prefer it if my children didn't decide to be Christians. I would also prefer it if they didn't grow up to be Tories, or Morris dancers or motor racing fans. And I would imagine most Christians would be sad if their children decided not to follow the faith that has given them so much support and comfort.

Nomama · 21/10/2014 17:15

But Hak, that would be normal of you... no shock horror just a personal preference based on your norms.

I think you are supposed to envisage yourself being devastated by the news. I suspect my DH would be moest horrified by the thought of Morris dancers (or football fans) - and he really is a negative nelly about organised religion Smile

Delphiniumsblue · 21/10/2014 17:17

I guess we are all a bit sad if our children reject the way they were brought up, if honest; but we should know from the start that they are going to be free agents. Mine are emotionally mature,independent, caring adults and lovely people. Who really cares what they vote, eat, believe?
A lot of mental health problems are caused by people not being accepted for who they are. If your child is only 4 yrs you don't know who they are yet.

Hakluyt · 21/10/2014 17:19

I just put that in because some people seem to think that even the faintest tinge of regret would be a SIGN of not wanting any independent though......

Delphiniums- could you show me some of the posts on here that suggest that people want their children to think exactly the same as them?

Delphiniumsblue · 21/10/2014 17:26

I keep meaning to leave and must-this is a time waster.
Rather than that people could say they don't mind. So far amicissimma and ragwort appear to be laid back enough to genuinely allow for free choice.
I have 101 things to do -must get on with them!

catkind · 21/10/2014 19:02

delphinium: Goodness knows there you got your religion from catkind- but certainly not a school assembly! I have never ever been told that you go to hell, even in 1950s, as if it is all a cosy little club for signed up members. Even in primary school I understood the Old Testament was an interpretation. Why is doubting bad? Surely everyone has times of doubt?

Where did it come from? As I said, because I believed what I was told in school I went to church and read the bible. It doesn't really matter if the old testament is supposed to be literally or allegorically true, seeing as it's the morals implied by it that upset me. How many Christian churches do you know that don't talk about believers hoping to go to heaven? It doesn't take much thought for a logical minded child to deduce that non-believers don't.

All of which is kind of beside the point. I might have drawn incorrect conclusions about Christianity from what the school and church told me. But I did draw them, and it made my childhood less happy than it might have been without.

inabeautifulplace · 21/10/2014 19:32

Being an agnostic, I will encourage my children to perform the actions but not say the words.

buffythemuffinslayer · 21/10/2014 19:42

I haven't read the thread, just adding my 2 cents. Grew up with one set of Methodist grandparents, one set Catholic. Went to faith schools throughout my life - one was Muslim (different country, we said a prayer to Allah every morning, I enjoyed it as it was a different language). My mother is now nominally Buddhist.

Perhaps if my entire family had been one faith it would have affected me. But now I'm very happily agnostic (with an interest in reading religious crit) and happily considering sending DS to a faith school.

It doesn't mean your DS will be brainwashed or have any residual religious guilt, as long as you're there for him and answer any questions he has with honest moderation.