To be totally baffled (Ched Evans related)

[soapboxqueen]

Just reading in the guardian that Ched Evans has applied to the Criminal Cases Review Commission to review his case. That's fine because it is part of our due process and legal system.

However, in the article it points out that his girlfriend's father is paying for appeal barristers, private detectives and even offering a reward for information in order to help his appeal. Why would you do that? Why would you put up so much money to protect a person who at best (from their perspective at least) cheated on your daughter in a rather deplorable fashion and at worst a rapist? Why would got want your daughter to be with such a person?

I really don't understand.

I'll see if I can get the link to work.

How women can fire such venom and poison at other women is beyond me.

Yet that is what his won fucking daughter did to the victim, no? So it is OK for her to be vile about another woman, but not for other woman to be vile about her?

Double standards!

and what might be expected of them after a night of free very expensive booze/ champagne /vodka. Sorry? What might be expected of them... are you saying that men who buy women a drink, a meal, have the right to expect sex, or anything from them? Because that is what is coming across in your posts. If you don't mean that, you need to be MUCH more careful with what you write.

Basically, rather than educating men not to be rapists and to respect women's consent (or lack of), you think we should educate women to curtail their activities in a vain attempt to safeguard themselves, and live even more in fear of rape than they already do

Or perhaps they should just have sex (willingly or not) to say thank for for their free drinks? Either way, sounds like Sunbury is putting the onus, like so many do, on to women to not get raped, instead of understanding that it is only ever the rapists fault!!

sunbury will probably now respond with
' of course it is never the victim's fault, I'm wasn't saying that at all, but women need to be aware of what can happen to them when they are so drunk that their inhibitions are down/ they are put in a dangerous situation / they are too drunk to make the right decisions etc etc. they have a responsibility not to put themselves in unsafe situations and this is what I will be teaching my daughters yadda yadda'

So is the company he owns Cottrills?

Sorry, I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread. Sadly, I can well believe that Ched's girlfriend's father is willing to shed out a load of money. I don't know about their relationship but I'm assuming they've all known Ched a reasonably long time. No-one wants to believe that they've been duped by a criminal. They probably also don't believe that he's capable of rape. I'm sure Ched is charming, polite and wonderful company because criminals, sociopaths and sex offenders usually are, it's how they get to manipulate people. "A nice boy" like Ched can't be capable of rape, he's such a lovely, gentle soul is probably what they're all thinking. I'm sure he's spun some sob story to them about how that nasty girl seduced him and they'll have fallen for it because they want to believe him. Sadly, I've learnt that people who can be very lovely and sweet when in your company can be capable of the most terrible things and it is extremely difficult to see how the person you love could do something like that.

My parents were very defensive of my ex after he did something awful, even after I said I didn't want anything more to do with him. If he'd needed legal costs I'm sure they would have quite happily showered him with money. My mum in particular made all the excuses under the sun for him, scoffing when I said I thought he was very good at manipulating people. No, no he's a poor, misunderstood victim according to her. I was amazed at how utterly loyal they were to him. I'm doing the Freedom Programme at the moment and a couple of the women there said that their family and friends wouldn't believe that their partner had a nasty side. It's very frightening how in denial Ched's girlfriend and her family are but sadly I don't think it's an uncommon thing.

So sorry you've been through something like this pandora. You're right about criminals and sociopaths being charming. I find it so depressing to know that there are parents who will stand up for the abuser rather than their own child, and i know too well that it happens as I've seen it through my job.

I think Ched's defence team are driven by the fact that he's 'a decent lad'. They probably also think he's not a rapist because he has no need to rape anyone-he's got girls falling over themselves to sleep with him Which of course completely misses the point because rape isn't about sex. He didn't go to that hotel because he wanted to have sex-he had a gf at home, he could have used his charms (and i use the word loosely after seeing his video!) to seduce someone who wasn't blind drunk and had a consensual ONS. Instead he did what he did. It wasn't about sex. It was about power, humiliation and thinking he could do whatever he wanted because he's some kind of big fish in Rhyl.

What happened that night happened. I know what I think about it. The thing is, if he does manage to get his conviction overturned (pleas God, no!), does that mean he'll be strutting about "without a stain on his character?" Not in my book. He still did what he did to that girl.

And I reckon that SUFC's silence on the subject indicates that they're just waiting for the media fuss to die down, and then they'll sign him up again, no problem.

I don't think the media fuss is going to die down on this one. Maybe temporarily.

Or they are waiting for the outcome of the CCRC review/

I find it deeply worrying that if CE had been with CM all along and the victim had got into the taxi with both of them, it's very likely neither of them would have been convicted. Because getting in a taxi, going to a hotel, being drunk, or any number of other things, seem to be viewed as consent by a worrying number of people. There needs to be much more understanding that none of these things equal consent.

purplefeathers and pandora I agree. There are many cases where parents will believe their son in law rather than their daughter no matter what.

I learnt a long time ago never to confide in my DM so i dont. DH isnt abusive but doesnt see affection as important and my DM agrees with him.
When i did look for affection elsewhere 11 years ago though i was the "bad guy" even after years of no affection at home. I got called a whore.

IME unsupportive families or ones who outright bully cojole and plead for a woman to stay in an untenable situation ARE being emotionally abusive. The proposed emotional abuse legislation does not go far enough. Other family members who pressurize and bully need to face consequences too.

Sorry to take it slightly off topic.

Whereas i was advised by my dm to have sex with my dh whether i wanted to or not because otherwise he'll look for it elsewhere

No doubt if i went looking elsewhere id be labelled a whore. But men, well, if they're not getting it at home they need to look elsewhere. Poor loves.

Hell, I've heard 'my wife didn't satisfy my sexual needs' argument as an 'excuse' for fathers abusing their children.

I hate this pathetic view that men have sexual needs that have to be fulfilled at any cost. My dh is more than a walking hormone. If he needs some relief when I'm not in the mood, he has a hand. As indeed do I when it's the other way round.

Sorry to go off on a tangent!

purple

Thanks Luckily for me my dh doesn't believe he has an entitlement to my body whenever he fancies. I was just so disturbed by my dm's advice. Then i wondered, is that what she's done over the years? Probably.

With my DM its a mix of Catholicism and culture. In her eyes sex is for procreation only. And women should not be allowed to get any pleasure from it EVER

Ah, that explains her attitudes then. It's a bleak outlook to have and it's little wonder you can't confide in her about such matters.

YY Purple I sometimes feel very envious of other women who have a good relationship with their mothers.

No he is not Cottrills. I dont want to say much but he is independent. The MEN link is not him.

Is it rebranded as Prestons?

Sorry it's the fail

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2807965/My-plea-star-raped-daughter-Stop-claiming-innocent-s-destroying-family-Ched-Evans-victim-silent-father-speaks-devastating-effect.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

Cant understand why people on social media are supporting this rapest. That poor girl. How can she move on if ched family and friends and the rapest humself keeps bringing it up.

Sorry for mis typing.