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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to this is not ok (racism related)?

352 replies

Warriorqueen69 · 16/10/2014 21:43

Name changed. I'll keep it brief and this is really more a WWYD than an AIBU, but I guess they overlap. DH is American. We live in the UK. Our two DCs have always grown up understanding that they are both British and American. We keep reasonably good links with our huge family over there, celebrate American holidays and they pick up American vocabulary and phrases from their father. All in all, both DCs consider themselves to be both. They have dual nationality, so this is the reality of the situation.

Throughout primary school, my older DD has had occasional anti-American remarks made to her by some of the other kids (e.g "I hate Americans" or "Americans are stupid"), but school never seem to do anything about it when I bring it up. Now, a boy in her class has taken to regularly mocking her, putting on a fake American accent, and saying, "Hi, my name's XXX. I'm American and I'm stupid and dumb." Again, her teacher has told her to just ignore it, but both she and my DH are pretty annoyed, as am I.

Why do some people think it's ok to make racist remarks against Americans? I don't think it's ok, not one tiny bit. But I'm not sure whether it's worth taking things further with the school by speaking to the headteacher. WWYD please?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2014 21:45

It's not racism. American is not a race. It is, however, bullying and nasty xenophobic bullying at that. The school should be doing more.

plentyavino · 16/10/2014 21:45

That's not racism.

bodhranbae · 16/10/2014 21:47

I'd speak to the HT. It is bullying.

Stealthpolarbear · 16/10/2014 21:48

No that needs taking further.

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2014 21:49

If it bothers her then yes, have a word with the school.

I used to get teased about Irish creeping into my Essex accent when I was in primary school. It didn't bother me at all and I gave as good as I got...turned into a lot of fun actually.

But everyone's different and if your child is upset then yes of course, you must tell the school.

workingtitle · 16/10/2014 21:50

Not racism, but not ok either. The school should be taking it more seriously.

Original poster
Warriorqueen69 · 16/10/2014 21:51

I know Americans are not a race, but it's the same principle surely - mocking and insulting someone for their national background, no? Yes, bullying, it sure is that!

OP posts:
plentyavino · 16/10/2014 21:54

Racism is based on race, not nationality.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2014 21:55

It's not the same principle. If you want a list of reasons I'm happy to oblige. However, it is bullying and very wrong.

Bowlersarm · 16/10/2014 21:58

It's not racism.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 16/10/2014 22:00

Hmm so because Americans are white and speak English it's not racism?

If they were making similar comments about a Polish or other East European DC they would be told not to be racist, I'm sure.

Iggi999 · 16/10/2014 22:01

Description of the protected characteristic of race, from the Equality and Human Rights Commission:
Race - Refers to the protected characteristic of Race. It refers to a group of people defined by their race, colour, and nationality (including citizenship) ethnic or national origins.
You can be racist against English people, Irish people, and yes, American people. The school needs to take a good look at itself.

BuzzardBird · 16/10/2014 22:01

It is still nasty, though not racism. I would make an appointment to see the teacher as a first step.

redexpat · 16/10/2014 22:01

Did not know Worra was irish!

There was an american girl at my school and that was always the first insult thrown at her. It is bullying.

Original poster
Warriorqueen69 · 16/10/2014 22:03

I'd like that MrsTerryPratchett, because I'm struggling to see the difference it makes to someone on the receiving end. It's still mocking their cultural background and values and attributing unfavourable qualities to them (here dumb and stupid) person because of their cultural background and values.

Anyway, not to split hairs on semantics too much - you're right, it IS bullying.

OP posts:
Johnogroats · 16/10/2014 22:03

I agree, it is bullying. If you changed the country, for example to Ireland or Pakistan it would sound a whole lot worse...IMHO. The children need to earn to respect people of all nationalities.

Original poster
Warriorqueen69 · 16/10/2014 22:04

Xenophobic then - maybe that's a more appropriate term.

OP posts:
CadmiumRed · 16/10/2014 22:06

Ask to see the school's anti-bullying policy (it should be on the website or easily available in the reception area, etc. ), and then arrange to see the teacher. Explain what is happening, how it affects your dd, and ask what will be done about it to ensure that it stops.

but I would be equipping your dd with some smart comebacks, too. You don't look half so big calling people names if someone comes right back at you.

The answer to " Hi, my name's XXX. I'm American and I'm stupid and dumb" would be "don't worry XXX you are stupid enough without being American".

But do insist the school deal with it.

Original poster
Warriorqueen69 · 16/10/2014 22:07

Iggi- thanks for that helpful definition. I was onto something in my OP then, wasn't I? Might take that definition into school with me tomorrow.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 16/10/2014 22:07

It's going to feel just as upsetting for your child as it would for a black child who was also having children mock her nations accent and stereotype, so whether it's racist or not isn't really relevant. The school needs to deal with it as a serious thing either way.

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2014 22:10

Did not know Worra was irish!

I'm not, but me parents are so they are Grin

CadmiumRed · 16/10/2014 22:14

"It's going to feel just as upsetting for your child as it would for a black child who was also having children mock her nations accent and stereotype, so whether it's racist or not isn't really relevant."

It may be not relevant because whatever it is , it is wrong. But there are relevant differences between racism and what is going on here.

How do you know how relatively upsetting this is? Racism is about your very body from the outer layer of your skin to the DNA that makes you black. it is deeply personal and is about your body. What you ARE, not where you come from or how you speak.

Thefishewife · 16/10/2014 22:15

poster ElephantsNeverForgive

Americans are not white like the British they come in all colours unless Obama is a imposter

Montegomongoose · 16/10/2014 22:16

Absolutely it is racism.

Colour is irrelevant; in fact we don't know what colour this child is and frankly it doesn't matter.

She is being picked on for her culture and ethnic background and it needs to stop.

I hope she's ok OP and you get it sorted to your satisfaction.

Karenthetoadslayer · 16/10/2014 22:17

This will stop in secondary school, if it's any consolation. We are a half German family and we've had our fair share of bullying in primary school.

I have been in and out of the school, but in our case as well the school was semi supportive and did not want to admit to anything happening or anything being said. They just closed ranks. In DS's case we went so far as to change schools in year five which was not ideal, but it was the only solution in the end.

However, DS is now in year ten and throughout his time in secondary school there has not been a single incident of such bullying.

Still, I found it very unsettling and I do feel for you, as your DCs should of course have the right to enjoy their dual nationality and not have to suffer such nonsense.

I would keep going back to the school and go all the way to complain to the governors, if you have to.