AIBU to tell neighbour to act nicely when the SN school bus blocks their drive?

[Andanotherthing123]

Right, am totally sleep deprived so I'm turning this over to you for some sensible opinions. My 4 year old gets collected by the SN school bus every morning. I live near a school and there are usually lots of cars parked outside our houses so it's difficult for the bus to find a space to pull into. My next door neighbour but one (two houses down from us) has the corner plot right at the end of our road and a drive leading to her house. She is elderly and has family who often pop in. She also has form (as do her visiting relatives) for being rude and unpleasant.

Three times this term visiting relatives have gone mad if they are stuck behind the bus as we get my son on, if there is no space for it to pull in. If it pulls in and blocks their drive in anyway, they repeatedly beep their horn or shout stuff at us until it's moved. Getting my son on the bus takes no longer than five minutes (usually a couple of minutes) but it's hard to hurry him as he finds leaving the house really, really hard because he doesn't cope well with change.

I know it's not great for them but aibu to think they could cut us some slack as there really isn't another option? Wibu to put a polite note through the door explaining the situation and asking for understanding or should I just let it go? I'm so angry about it that I worry next time it happens I'll loose the plot and get myself arrested.

I know those people beeping are probably in a rush in the morning, aren't we all.
However if they come across some four way temporary road lights for road works or an accident or anything else unexpected they wouldn't start blasting their horn would they? so that would prove that they can control themselves when it suits and by choosing to act like selfish gits they are showing their true colours.

Again 3 times in 10 months is a non issue.

Does anybody on this thread actually know what the neighbour's needs are? Don't judge her without knowing the full story. SN doesn't magically go away at age 18!

No, but the op isn't being abusive to her (or her children) and neither are the op relatives being abusive to her

Oh yes, the neighbour must have SN

in RL most people are just wankers.

Proud AS no. But just because you have needs you don't trump other people. My son has needs and can't stand waiting and it stresses him out and when he gets too stressed he has seizures. But I still patiently wait for the SN bus every single morning and afternoon, because I'm not a dick.

YABVVVVVU.

And even if the bus has parked on average 12 seconds a day over her drive for the past six weeks, it still isn't anything to do with the op. It's a council and transport services matter
What the neighbour has/doesn't have isn't of concern of the op at all

Tiggytape - both you and Andanotherthing are correct. She is correct because her child has been getting the school bus since January, and the neighbours have on,y been held up by the bus three times, but you are correct too, because all three times have happened this term, so within the space of 6 weeks.

If it had happened three times, spaced out over 10 months, maybe the neighbours would not have got as cross - the fact that it has happened three times in 6 weeks could well look regular and frequent, to them.

OP - if I were you, I wouldn't wait until this happens again - because then you will be trying to reason with people who are already cross and upset, and that won't go well. I would suggest talking to them the next time you see them - acknowledge that the bus has held them up and that this is clearly annoying for them, then explain that the bus is to pick up your child, who has SN, and all that you are doing to try to minimise any potential hold-ups. If after that, they are still rude, or carry on beeping and shouting at you, then they are arseholes, and you have done your best to defuse the situation.

Could you also ask the bus driver what he would suggest - maybe he will have a solution that might help (apologies if you have already done this).

Quite right hurricane: just because a child has needs doesn't mean they trump a neighbour.

I agree with you socially - most people are wankers but what's wrong with giving someone the benefit of the doubt?

Urrm that's not what I said.

Legally they can park there if they want. If I'm coming out of my drive first, the bus waits, if the bus is there first. I wait. No one beeps or abuses anyone.

Some of you are just too kind
I've btdtgtt unfortunately. The only way I have found to diffuse things is to be polite and unemotional and refer them to the council (whilst logging it myself) if the abuse has become too heavy,I have logged with the police
I'm a cold fish. But we're nearly into adulthood now. I wish someone had told me to stay calm, carry on and go down official referral routes the when my child was tiny. I had enough on without other people upsetting us every day

And as you have as proudas. I'm sure you can appreciate how detrimental shouting, confrontation, and beeping of horns is to a small child with autism who needs to get safely to school every day.

They have lost the privilege that is the benefit of the doubt once they have been rude and aggressive, I would say. It's not that hard to work out, surely?

I'm not saying that shouting and screaming is the way to go but it can be the result of autism or mental illness.

Proud most people are wankers

Really??

Of course you must go and speaak to them.

Explain that your child is picked up at approx x time each day, that because he has special needs it is required that he is helped safely on to his school transport and that takes a few unavoidable minutes. Assure them that you are always ready and he is safely on the bus as quickly as you can possibly manage it and you hope they understand.

Hopefully they will recognise that this brief delay is unavoidable and that to complain would be intensly unreasonabl.

And if they don't like that they can fuck off.

So sorry to hear about this op, people can be so inconsiderate & ignorant.

Can I just add (have be re-reading some posts) that it is impossible for me to 'clear the way outside my house' to make sure there is a space for the bus. That would mean telling all my neighbours not to park in front of my house and all the parents who try to park there. And as for 'thanking my neighbours for their patience' even they might laugh at that as so far, they haven't displayed any.

On one of the three times, the male relative (they are relatives who look after my neighbour who is elderly and needs support) was waiting behind the bus as it had to stop in the road as there were no spaces. He wasn't in my neighbours drive way or near it, just waiting in his car behind the bus for a little boy to get on while he beeped his horn. He then got out of his car but the bus was just pulling away. It took us two minutes to get my son on. We went as fast as we could.

It's not about who's need trumps who-my neighbour needs help, so does my son. With a little bit of patience, it should be possible to avoid aggressive argy bargy.

Thank you for all the lovely replies - had a call from the bus company to say they are aiming for an earlier pick up so that might help.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this.
I would definitely try to get a disabled parking bay outside your house - it could be of great benefit for you as a family, as well as maybe easing the situation with the school bus.
I would also go and talk to the school, because it sounds as if a good deal of the problem is caused by parents parking outside your house which means the bus is unable to stop there. Sadly, having a disabled parking bay outside my elderly Mum's house does not stop parents parking there (there is a school just up the street from her) which does cause a lot of problems for her carers and also for the emergency services. She's had three emergency hospital admissions by ambulance this year and each time the ambulance had to park some distance away because of inconsiderate parking.
No matter how frustrated this lady's relatives are, there is no need for them to display their aggression - they could have come and spoken to you about things!
I hope your little boy is enjoying school.

So Proud the neighbour and the entirety of the neighbour's friends and relations have autism or some sort of mental illness?

Interesting.

Funny how a possible unlikely mental health problem of the neighbour trumps the actual SN of the op's child for you.

Good op hope that sorts it out.

OP, my parents have a disabled bay marked outside their house for exactly the same reason (they live opposite a school). It's not actually legally enforceable, but it does deter people from parking there.

Contact your local authority, they may be able to do the same for you.

OP YANBU at all; they should have more patience.
However, play tactical here - the flowers / chocs plus an ' I'm sorry you occasionally have to wait for the bus to move, I know it's not often but I can see how it is an inconvenience; DC needs time etc' means it will be much more difficult for them to behave in this way when faced with your saintly nature. The ideal solution is for no beeping etc when DC is getting on the bus ; I can't see how a note or a chat where you don't say sorry through gritted teeth if need be would help achieve this.

Older people have lives too, Op and are as entitled to feel annoyed by others' behaviour as you. I also don't understand the point about no other option, if it has only happened 3 times since Jan? Do you mean you've only blocked people out 3 times or the bus has only parked over her drive 3 times? It would annoy me if it were happening everyday tbh. I know these things can be hard btw, my nephew has severe cp and is a permanent wheelchair user and non verbal.

I'm just saying that YABU to call someone names for feeling annoyed and to approach them and ask them to act 'nicely', that is what you would say to a child. However, you are not unreasonable not to tolerate verbal abuse.

Well. Actually, autism is not an excuse for being aggressive in front of children.

It's not. And I will not allow my son to think that either.

My next door neighbour, I'm pretty sure, has dementia.

He started getting more and more aggressive with me until I just refused to talk to him. Now he only gives me dirty looks. I understand his needs, and that's why I didn't call the police, but I do have a right not to be harassed aggressively.

I can and will do nice chats with the other very old man with dementia here (who stole my cat) however inconvenient it is for me, because I feel it's my duty as a human to make anyone happy if I can. But I won't tolerate aggression, not from my own severely autistic son, and certainly not from a stranger.

These are the things that everyone has to wait for round us (because no roads are wide enough, with the parking on them, to get round them):

Bin lorries
Tesco / Ocado etc vans which ALWAYS double park in the road while they unload
Courier vans from Amazon etc - ditto
and
School transport buses for disabled children

It's no big deal, this is what happens.

There is no excuse for anyone getting arsey about it. Explain the situation and tell her the times that the bus comes.

Anyway, it's not as if you have a choice. The bus needs to come.