AIBU to tell neighbour to act nicely when the SN school bus blocks their drive?

[Andanotherthing123]

Right, am totally sleep deprived so I'm turning this over to you for some sensible opinions. My 4 year old gets collected by the SN school bus every morning. I live near a school and there are usually lots of cars parked outside our houses so it's difficult for the bus to find a space to pull into. My next door neighbour but one (two houses down from us) has the corner plot right at the end of our road and a drive leading to her house. She is elderly and has family who often pop in. She also has form (as do her visiting relatives) for being rude and unpleasant.

Three times this term visiting relatives have gone mad if they are stuck behind the bus as we get my son on, if there is no space for it to pull in. If it pulls in and blocks their drive in anyway, they repeatedly beep their horn or shout stuff at us until it's moved. Getting my son on the bus takes no longer than five minutes (usually a couple of minutes) but it's hard to hurry him as he finds leaving the house really, really hard because he doesn't cope well with change.

I know it's not great for them but aibu to think they could cut us some slack as there really isn't another option? Wibu to put a polite note through the door explaining the situation and asking for understanding or should I just let it go? I'm so angry about it that I worry next time it happens I'll loose the plot and get myself arrested.

Anyway, from a practical point of view, the council are responsible both for the bus and for dealing with road obstructions, so the problem is completely theirs. The OP's concern is that her son receives the service to which he is entitled.

It's probably a small part of a huge issue with them - if you live near a school, they will be dealing with the road getting busier over the time they have lived there.
Doesn't excuse their behaviour but I have seen some spectacular rows between neighbours and drivers including deliveries and Ambulances (and on one occasion, a Fire Engine) near our DC school.
As I was walking, I was able to earwigg without guilt (felt like sitting on a wall to watch how it would pan out but I had to get going)

I don't agree a note would make things worse. In a note you manage to say all you want to say without interruption or getting sidetracked, thereby avoiding escalating things. I'd get one of those nice friendly notelets with matching envelope. I would write something like this....
"I'm so sorry for the inconvenience with the bus in the morning.My little boy has SN and takes longer than normal to get him onto the bus. I hate to upset my neighbours and am aware it must be very annoying to have your driveway blocked. I am trying to think of an alternative way of getting him on the bus. I know it's a lot to ask but I would be so grateful if you could understand my plight and bear with me until I can come up with a better solution".
Kind regards
Andanotherthing.

I had my response all worked out in my head when I read your thread title (having made assumptions based on our own situation), but upon reading the thread, I can see why your neighbour gets pants on a twist (although her behaviour is unacceptable, regardless).

My DD is loaded into a wheelchair bus every morning, and offloaded every afternoon. Our NDN's drive is blocked by the swing out safety arm on the bus for the time that it takes to load/unload DD and secure her wheelchair within the bus. We live on a "no exit" street, so while the bus is engaged with DD, if anyone needs to get in or out, they can't.

I know it is inconvenient - very much so. Because of this, at the beginning of every new school year, as soon as we know her bus schedule, DD and I bake biscuits and take a tin to every neighbour, and give them her bus schedule at the same time.

It is a peace offering, a personal little "apologies for the inconvenience" gift and the schedule so that the neighbours are inconvenienced as little as possible. You would be amazed how much it has improved the relations with the neighbours regarding the bus.

However, we also work with the bus companies to make sure that DD is already out of the house and ready to load as soon as the bus arrives, and that expected delays are minimised as much as is possible.

It is your responsibility as a parent to have the area in front of your house clear for the arrival of the bus, not the neighbour 2 doors over. It is the responsibility of the driver to ensure the safety of your child by parking in front of your house. This is why the SN service is engaged.

It is time to try and mend fences. Talk to the bus company and ask if there is something you can do to ensure the bus stops at yours, and not 2 houses over, remind them that, for your child's safety, travel to the bus is to be minimised, and request that the driver be mindful of where he/she stops.

Once all that is done, then go personally to your neighbour with a bottle of wine or tin of biscuits and explain what you are doing to fix it all, apologise for the inconvenience and thank her for her patience.

It is all you can do - it is not her problem in the first place.

It is your responsibility as a parent to have the area in front of your house clear for the arrival of the bus

How?

ProudAS, you're being quite obtuse.

Firstly, the bus isn't being parked at the end of the neighbous' drive in such a way that they could never get out in an emergency. No one is leaving the bus unattended. It's stopping there for a few minutes, then leaving, and could no doubt leave sooner if there really was an emergency. It's probably causing less hassle in that respect than a queue of traffic would.

Secondly, I live in a quiet street - we all have parking for one or two cars in the back lane, so few people park in the front street, plus it's a 10 car a minute road at busy times rather than a 100 car a minute road. All the same, DS1's school transport taxi sometimes has to stop 3 or 4 doors away to let him in and out. It happens. It's not always possible to stop directly at the door, even in the best circumstances.

She has not done anything wrong and doesn't need to fix anything. Ime telling the council and letting them deal with it is the easiest and safest thing to do in the real world, where most of us live. I would also keep a diary of the abuse and threatening behaviour and log it with the police.

And buy yourself some chocolates and wine, I dare say you deserve them :)

Perhaps you would like to point them to Section 112 Highway Code:

www.gov.uk/general-rules-all-drivers-riders-103-to-158/other-stopping-procedures-107-to-112

My DDs SN bus blocked my next door neighbours drive on a regular basis. He either carefully manouvered around it with me guiding him - as his vision was blocked by the bus, or he sat and waited - many many times over 9 years. And DD is also a wheelchair user, so they had to get a tail lift down, put DD on bus, clamp the chair, put her seatbelt on, put the taillift back up, shut the double doors and the driver walk back to the front of the bus before driving off. It was not a 2 minute job and he quite often had the children in the car to take to school. That family moved and the next people never complained either though it happened less frequently with them as he left slightly earlier.

Your neighbours are being unreasonable.

What does the bus driver say about it all. I know DDS driver would have had words with anyone who had behaved in that way.

I don't fucking care anymore about other ppl and their minor shitty worries.
_

If the relatives are going round there to perform caring duties- which it sounds they are- then they're just as likely to be thinking that the OP putting her son on the bus on time is a "minor shitty worry" compared to giving their elderly mother her meds or getting her out of bed and on to the commode before she pisses her bed.

Blocking the road sounds like the best idea OP. Yes, it would be lovely if they didn't object to their drive being blocked. But they do, and it isn't fair or particularly legal to expect them to just suck it up.

Call me can i like everything you said.

I personally wouldn't get upset about this happening a few times a year, but I can also appreciate that small issues sometimes become big ones when people don't communicate. I wouldn't mind my driveway being regularly blocked, at a regular time, on a regular basis, for this type of situation, but I would expect the person who wanted to use my driveway to come and have a chat about it, and ask if there's a time that may not work for me (I leave at the same time every day without fail) and how we could facilitate it together. Communication is key.

This is such a non-issue that I wouldn't give them the time of day about it.

Ffs, they'd be longer blocked by a bin lorry!

Bunch of twats.

And anyone, even a carer, who has a problem with a two minute delay because a child with SN needs to get on a bus is a fucking dick.

Personally I think the bus should be stopping right outside your house, and if that means it is blocking the road for a couple on minutes, then so be it. Any drivers stuck for a short while will have to accept it.I don't think it should be blocking their drive. If anyone confronts you about the bus stopping, I would simply directly you to the relevant dept. in the LA. it is their employees/people they are contracting who are making the decision about where to stop the bus.

We have a similar situation, we are very near a school on a busy road. traffic permitting, DS's taxi usually arrives before the majority of school traffic, but if it is slightly later it will still pull up outside our house and the traffic has to wait.

is it worth chatting to the driver and escort to see if they can alter the route at all, (i.e the order that the children are picked up in), so that if he is a little earlier the school traffic might be a little less? it is still early in the school term, and I know ours are fiddling about with the best order/route still.

I would not be popping round with chocolates or the like, you personally, or your son have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Nonsense, the OP's son's school bus isn't stopping the neighbour's family or friends putting the neighbour on a commode, FFS. They are aggressive louts who deserve an ASBO. Intimidation and harassment is illegal and quite rightly so, especially when it is directed at a vulnerable child or those caring for a vulnerable child.

I don't think this is Andanotherthing's responsibility at all. The neighbours can take it up with the council if they wish - but it sounds as if they'd rather bellyache and threaten. If Andanotherthing approaches them, she's risking more abuse and them focusing their rage at her, not at the council who provide the bus service and are capable of instructing the bus service.

What this thread shows is that parking and driving turns some apparently otherwise reasonable people mad. As if anyone has a right to shout and sound their horn at a bus delaying them two minutes three times a year, FGS.

Applause for Edam. Absolutely.

Agree with walter and edam

Do not give this one more minutes head space

They have been held up 3 times in 10 months, that's all. It is not a big deal anyway you slice it.

Do not take around cake/wine/chocolates/apologies. They are acting like entitled twats. I am sorry you have been upset by this, try not to let it get to you x

What edam said.

It's not 3 times a year, it's three times so far this term. Which I think is pretty frequently. And this is just the number of times the OP is aware they have blocked them. There may have been other times when they waited patiently, but have now got hacked off. So I have a bit of sympathy with the neighbour's relatives, though not with how they are handling it at all.

Going round to talk to the neighbours is more likely to help than hinder. It would give them an opportunity to explain why it's essential their drive isn't blocked for even a few mintues, if that's the case. And it gives them a heads up as to what's happening, which they may not be aware of if it's their relatives doing the honking.

As an alternative, can the driver just stop in the road (as he would presumably have to sometimes if your neighbour didn't have a drive for him to park over)? Sounds like it's a busy road so this might not be viable, but stopping a minibus or bigger on a corner, near a school, at drop off time does not sound that safe for pedestrians. So blocking the road fully might be better. Might make things less stressful for your son (and you), though might just increase the amount of beeping you get from other cars. Hope you find a good solution OP (and get some sleep).

I live in a cul de sac and a bus collects and drops off neighbours children with SN. Our cul de sac is blocked about 6 times a day. I know roughly when the bus is coming, and I just have to wait a couple of minutes if I need to be somewhere, and it's gone. I can't believe anyone would really find this a major problem. If anyone is yelling at the kids then they have issues, and I wouldn't be pandering to them by taking chocs, flowers, etc. they have to suck it up. They sound like a bunch of righteous arses.

3 times in 10 months this has caused neighbours a two minute delay. Six minutes since January

^^ that was for BoomBoom Copy & paste from one of the Op's posts.

I think I would wait until my last nerve was shredded, wait for them to start beeping their horn and then have a screaming match with the relatives quite honestly because you are not going to be able to solve this problem on your own, nor is it your responsibility to.

But I will accept I'm not hugely reasonable in the face of unreasonable people.

Chipping I assumed that was because the OP's child was 4 and wasn't going to school until this term. The OP did say in the original post it was 3 times this term.