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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell neighbour to act nicely when the SN school bus blocks their drive?

251 replies

Andanotherthing123 · 15/10/2014 09:55

Right, am totally sleep deprived so I'm turning this over to you for some sensible opinions. My 4 year old gets collected by the SN school bus every morning. I live near a school and there are usually lots of cars parked outside our houses so it's difficult for the bus to find a space to pull into. My next door neighbour but one (two houses down from us) has the corner plot right at the end of our road and a drive leading to her house. She is elderly and has family who often pop in. She also has form (as do her visiting relatives) for being rude and unpleasant.

Three times this term visiting relatives have gone mad if they are stuck behind the bus as we get my son on, if there is no space for it to pull in. If it pulls in and blocks their drive in anyway, they repeatedly beep their horn or shout stuff at us until it's moved. Getting my son on the bus takes no longer than five minutes (usually a couple of minutes) but it's hard to hurry him as he finds leaving the house really, really hard because he doesn't cope well with change.

I know it's not great for them but aibu to think they could cut us some slack as there really isn't another option? Wibu to put a polite note through the door explaining the situation and asking for understanding or should I just let it go? I'm so angry about it that I worry next time it happens I'll loose the plot and get myself arrested.

OP posts:
rocketjam · 15/10/2014 14:52

Seriously, could you ask the council to put a 'disabled parking' bay outside your house?

My neighbour used to have their daughter picked up and dropped off by special transport and it never bothered me to wait or see that my drive is blocked for a few minutes. But I am not grumpy, old, disable, need urgent parking, etc. I think that your neighbours are very unreasonable and you might just have to let them shout and put up with it. Otherwise (very cheeky) you could print a 'official' looking leaflet stating that a minibus will be stopping on the street between this time and this time, to pick up drop off a disabled child, and that this needs to be done safely which might block drives for maximum 5 minutes. But that's a bit cheeky...

wanttosqueezeyou · 15/10/2014 14:58

Three times this term?
Or three times since January?

If its the former, then its happening quite regularly and the driver should stop blocking their drive.

No doubt the family have their own problems to deal with just like you. And don't need someone making the day even harder. Just like you.

Even if its only 3 times since Jan, a disabled bay sounds like a good plan.

By the way, you do have my sympathy but you don't know what's going on in their lives any more than they know what your circumstances are. You seem to imagine they do know but I can't see anywhere that you've ever spoken to them. Perhaps a conversation would help. (but def not chocolates)

BOFster · 15/10/2014 14:59

I don't think you have to accept intimidating antisocial behaviour and aggressive sounding of the horn, at all. But I'd let the council deal with it in the first instance.

Owllady · 15/10/2014 15:00

I really can't for the life of me why some of you think the op has to put up with this abuse directed towards herself and her vulnerable child when that is the thing out of the whole scenario that is against the law.
All the other things are not against the law. If you are running late you need to give yourself more time, it's not other people's fault if you wind up being late, it's your own. I actually think if you are that pushed for time caring for someone elderly it might be worth using the attendance allowance to pay a carer to come in and do it.

I agree with exam about people in their cars. I once had someone I know scream at me at a junction as I indicated late. I wish you could have seen her face when she realised it wAs me Hmm it's totally changed my opinion of her :(

Owllady · 15/10/2014 15:05

I'd let the council deal with it as well.
Disabled bays aren't that easy to get fwiw and your neighbours are consulted during the application process :o we were refused because the person next door who complained about the bus didn't see why we should have one. Oh well!

PerpendicularVincenzo · 15/10/2014 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 15:16

I am amazed at the amount of posters telling the poster to shout, scream, call them twats etc. good god really infront of a child? It's not A soap opera the op needs to live near these people.

My last post in this op my advice is always to go around with a small peace offering and chat.

Can I point out that some if you may not be there yet but being a carer of elderly parents while juggling work and kids too is incredibly stressful.

The op is having a difficult time and I am in no way excusing bad driving or horn beeping but there may be problems with the neighbours too.

Talk if possible. Good luck op.

whatever5 · 15/10/2014 15:16

You neighbours sound very unpleasant. I do think that you need to find a solution to this that doesn't involve blocking their drive though.

Lambsie · 15/10/2014 15:33

This is not the op's problem but since the neighbour is moaning I would tell the bus driver to stop directly outside your house, blocking the road if need be.

BOFster · 15/10/2014 15:35

How many people have advocated that the OP shout and scream? I might have missed a post, but it can't be several, surely?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 15:37

I provide care for more than one elderly relative thebody AND have a child with severe SN and I still wouldn't carry on like that.

Its not a one off stress overload. They do it every time.

Original poster
Andanotherthing123 · 15/10/2014 16:11

Sorry, been out today...just to clear up the 3 times per term/10 months thing,my DS started school in January as in my county SN schools will accept children just after they turn four. So it's happened 3 times since he started in Jan but all since this term began.

The neighbours do have reasons why they don't want to be held up. They look after my neighbour and will without doubt have things they need to get on with. But it's 2 minutes on a very, very irregular basis and can't be avoided. I don't want to walk my son down another road-it's a struggle to get him out the front door and 10 feet along the road. The other roads near us are very busy too.

Anyway, thanks for all the responses-I think I know better how I want to deal with it and plan to have a calm word with them if another beeping/shouting incident occurs to explain that I can't help the hold up and if they want to try to resolve then issue, they can talk to the county council.

OP posts:
tiggytape · 15/10/2014 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

socially · 15/10/2014 17:00

Fuck it OP, it's not your problem.

If they're that annoyed let them go to the council. In the meantime you make sure your DS gets on the bus ok (which is your only responsibility here)

And sod buying them gifts! Wtf?! Buy yourself a bottle and chill Smile Wine

Owllady · 15/10/2014 17:11

So let's say on aVerage it's 60 seconds a week
Shocking
:o

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 15/10/2014 17:14

There's a journey I do each week. Most weeks I get held up for a few minutes behind a SN bus collecting a child in a wheelchair from her home. The mother smiles and waves to say thank you for waiting, the bus driver smiles and waves to say thank you for waiting, I smile and wave to say it's ok, no problem, then we all go on our way happily.

How difficult is that? And yes, I have a deadline to meet but I leave a few minutes early so if the bus is there I don't have to worry. I could go another way but would get stuck in really bad traffic, it's easier and nicer to do the smiling and waving.

Why are people so unhelpful and unkind?

HavanaSlife · 15/10/2014 17:17

Im with socially, leave it to them to ring the council if they dont like it. Im sure the driver knows where he is allowed to park during pick ups.

I wouldnt even speak to them after their behaviour, unless they do it again and that would be to givw thwm a piece of my mind

HavanaSlife · 15/10/2014 17:20

And if its the relatives family they should get their 5 mins early to miss the bus.

If its a carer then they should be reported, I wouldnt want to the type of person who beeps and screams at children because they have to wait a couple of minutes looking after my relatives

Firsttimer7259 · 15/10/2014 17:23

They are unreasonable - and no you won't get a disabled bay for a drop off. Speak to them - explain there are no other options and you can't control time the bus comes as you ain't in charge of the route or school hours. Ridiculous of posters to think you need to accommodate them they should accommodate you ans of they can't do that a few mins every once in a while they can scream and hoot til they go blue. Evil buggers

Sunna · 15/10/2014 17:24

Op has said the bus doesn't come at a regular time, so difficult for the visitors to avoid it.

BOFster · 15/10/2014 17:26

It will generally arrive within a fifteen minute window though, so it's not impossible to plan for.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 17:32

Ok will just add my main point is if you can talk to them op then it's the best way but of course if they are not amenable or totally lacking in empathy then it's a very difficult situation to keep a lid on.

I was just trying to point out, obviously badly, that the op needs to live there and neighbour disputes can escalate in an alarming way over something really slight.

2old2beamum · 15/10/2014 17:35

Oh dear our neighbours must hate us. At 07.40 every school morning our SN bus blocks the road for about 5-6 minutes while we "load" our 2 DC's in wheelchairs in the bus and the whole procedure is reversed in the evening. No one has ever been rude or peeped their horn but every one is very laid back here.

OP just smile sweetly and give a royal wave.

Owllady · 15/10/2014 17:35

They arrive within a 10-15 minute window, ime. Depending on traffic/issues along the way. You have to have your child ready to leave 5 minutes before that window, it's part of our agreement with school to home transport or home to school. So 20 mins every school day we are dedicated to being ready with a child with complex needs (and my child is extremely complex and severe and the size of an adult) so that the rest of the population can go on the their merry way to work school. So no, I really don't think waiting 60 seconds a week, which work out to 12 seconds a day, if based on weekdays, term time only. No I don't think it's unreasonable for them to have to wait. Do you really think it is?
I have even been asked by a neighbour, aggressively, why on a Tuesday...just a Tuesday..why I couldn't ask a friend to take my other children to school and drive the 20 odd miles to the special school and back as the bus was making her 5 minutes late fir work
I hope I don't have to spell that one out for for you. Hedonist

Owllady · 15/10/2014 17:36

God bof
You said in one sentence what I should of/wanted to say :o

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