to 'encourage' my dd to give up her hobby?

[georgieporgie1]

My dd(7) has been doing a hobby very heavily for two years, including doing competitions, with a large amount of success (not a stealth boast, just setting the scene). However, for a number of reasons this success is likely to not continue, and I suspect it's a large part of why she has enjoyed the hobby.
It's a very expensive hobby, which we had no idea of when we got into it, and means we can't afford family holidays, affecting me, dh and dd(3). It also involves a lot of afternoons hanging around for dd(3) waiting for dd(7) to do her thing, when dd(3) would rather be playing at home.

Some of her school classmates have recently taken up the competitive side of the hobby, and now the competitiveness appears to be spilling over at school in a not very nice way. My dh and I for various reasons hate the competitions and wish we'd never got involved, and my dd is certainly nowhere near as enthusiastic as she was, and never wants to practise.

However, she wants to keep doing the competitions. Would I be unreasonable to 'encourage' her to just do the non competitive side of the hobby, or even to swap hobbies? She is interested in trying out some other hobbies, but we have no idea whether they would suit her.

There are parkour classes? Excellent! I've long suspected that DS would be a natural (the walk home from school can get pretty hair raising) but o thought that I would provide him with gymnastics and climbing lessons and let him work it out for himself. He is only 5 so I am getting ahead of myself.

"I think it's lion taming."

I'm tempted by that theory. I'm willing to bet you can't share a competition winning lion either so I can see how it'd get expensive.

Can you not fob her off with a tiger?

I feel your pain OP. We've had similar issues over the years and the best way I found is to be honest and upfront with your child. Decided if you are willing to do what's needed as parent for this hobby if your child would be prepared to do what they need to do. Then explain the issues, money and everything to the child. Then see what they want to do...If they want to continue you could then agree that you put in X amount of time, money, effort etc for the next X weeks, in return she has to do X amount of practice without reminder or moaning. Set up a chart and agree on a target of amount done (although play fair no one is likely to do 100% full on smiles with no reminders) and agree that if that doesn't happen the activity stops.

For example DS has played piano for 8 years or so but wasn't practising unless reminded but didn't complain when asked. In the last year we have moved and he has a new teacher, it's been a bit up and down but there's no enjoyment in his playing he just goes through the motions. It's expensive 2K a year and during holidays he doesn't practice even when he's set a timetable of when he would do it. Two holidays ago we agreed that if he didn't practice we would stop the lessons, he made a bit more of an effort, next holiday he stopped practicing again. During the school week it was routine that kept him practicing but still there was no enjoyment; so we said ok show us more effort next holiday but he didn't practice so we've stopped the lessons. It's a shame because he's not bad at it but there was no enjoyment or enthusiasm. We've told him if he wants to restart we will support that but that there's no point if he's just going through the motions.

Another time DD want to do Ballroom dancing, I love to watch strictly but hate the ballroom scene for young kids in grown up clothes and all the sexy moves, she really wanted to do it so we got lessons not fully aware of the cost. The cost was hideous, there was a large amount of effort on my part making sure she practiced, taking her to the studio, competitions etc. Plus the teacher was very pushy. I just wanted DD to enjoy the dancing and learn basic steps but the teacher wanted it all full on. Soon DD had had enough but not wanting her to give up just because it had gotten a bit tricky we agreed to see out the term and review. At the end of the term we reviewed and quit (partly due to us moving but also DD had really had enough but had practiced all the way through). We've since found her some less full on dancing lessons, dancing for the fun of it not for competition. Happy me, Happy DD and much happier bank balance.

HTH

Tbh, this thread has been very entertaining because of the guesswork involved. I genuinely don't know how it would have outed OP, to say what the 'hobby' was.
Anyway, OP, she is only 7, time enough, in another few years, to be taking a 'hobby' so seriously.
Please don't expect her to understand the sacrifices the rest of you are making, she is too young to understand or appreciate that.

"Can you not fob her off with a tiger?" Genuinely made me laugh.

It's Morris Dancing. I've heard it can get really nasty .

My primary age dd does an expensive hobby, too. Seriously expensive. Competition gear costs about 1000 pounds and that's without the cost of coaches and classes. We see it as an investment in the dreaded UCAS forms, and getting her through the teenage years with a focus and without drugs. It also gives her local, regional, national and international travel to competitions (more expense). DS is much less into his (also expensive) hobby and he is much harder to motivate. What's wrong with pursuing excellence? Let her go for it, if she wants to.

I think it's motocross. :)

Perhaps her daughter does knitting while dressed for Morris dancing seated on a tiger? Harrods sold the lion from Born Free, but no longer does pets. I have no idea where to buy a tiger in the States or UK. Tigers don't have a convenient mane to clutch ala Lucy Perversie. My cats loathe harnesses, so that wouldn't help. Esso/ Exxon used to advertise put a tiger in your (gas) tank, and gave away fake tails as a promotion. Quarter Midget racing is VERY expensive.

Most of the Irish dancing little girls have their own hair curled, not fakes. But the rules may differ here.

Beekeeping isn't £1000 per term, even if you buy smoke in aerosol cans. In the States, 4H for over eights subsidizes the costs in a group

As for train spotting, wouldn't the cost be in riding special steam trains and such as well as all that Thomas stuff? The anorak could be bought used, and lucozade isn't dear at all. I could send georgieporgie's daughter a clipboard, lots of half used steno books, and pencils.

For over eights in the States, Young Marines do parkour as part of their activities. It would be only £150/year and inexpensive uniforms.

I'm bored, and hoping to guess luckily, like Bilbo.

erica I've only seen a few girls do Irish dancing here (US) with their own hair curled -- the majority wear wigs these days. The judges give you higher marks for the "bounce".

The sheer costs for wigs would trouble me, as well as the implication that my daughter's hair wasn't good enough. I wonder how that makes little girls feel. Then again, I went to a Quaker school, where vanity wasn't encouraged. Pretty doesn't last, but nice does.

Is it snail racing?

The top class snails cost a bomb, then you've got the matching outfits on top......

I Think it is bog snorkelling or white water rafting.

I've got it: Polo!

Them there nags cost a mint

Formula One?

I think that with the emphasis on initial cheap outlay, career potential and spiralling costs, it's got to be politics.

OP's DD joined a debating society and now wants to be a Tory MP when she grows up, but while the debating club and Young Conservatives are readonably priced, she will need to be independently wealthy and know all the right people to have a chance of a cabinet position.

at FullPleather

but that gives another option for OP: Send DD plus pony to Queen Ethelburga's at York. Reduces all the ferrying around to once a term.

There really can't be all that many activities for young children which demand six days a week training, constant practice, total dedication, cost huge sums, affect family life to such a great extent and can be turned into a potential career at the end of it all.

Possibly only a handful out of a thousand little children who start something as a hobby will have the natural ability, physique, drive, ambition, parental support, access to top-class training and funds to make a career a possibility.

Maybe it is time to have a re-think, and ease back a little, especially if she is not so keen on practicing, and it is affecting family life and your bank balance so much.

Is it property renovation?

CBeenies