to 'encourage' my dd to give up her hobby?

[georgieporgie1]

My dd(7) has been doing a hobby very heavily for two years, including doing competitions, with a large amount of success (not a stealth boast, just setting the scene). However, for a number of reasons this success is likely to not continue, and I suspect it's a large part of why she has enjoyed the hobby.
It's a very expensive hobby, which we had no idea of when we got into it, and means we can't afford family holidays, affecting me, dh and dd(3). It also involves a lot of afternoons hanging around for dd(3) waiting for dd(7) to do her thing, when dd(3) would rather be playing at home.

Some of her school classmates have recently taken up the competitive side of the hobby, and now the competitiveness appears to be spilling over at school in a not very nice way. My dh and I for various reasons hate the competitions and wish we'd never got involved, and my dd is certainly nowhere near as enthusiastic as she was, and never wants to practise.

However, she wants to keep doing the competitions. Would I be unreasonable to 'encourage' her to just do the non competitive side of the hobby, or even to swap hobbies? She is interested in trying out some other hobbies, but we have no idea whether they would suit her.

OP, I can't possibly comment unless you tell me your inside leg measurement and your favourite My Little Pony.
Oh wait....

I think Skylark hit the nail on the head - if it's mostly the accolades which motivate your DD (rather than a burning desire to do the hobby as much as possible), then I definitely think you can scale it down. Doing things for accolades can be a risky business in the long run, especially when relying on "natural talent". And then you can go on a lovely holiday!

Good luck with it all, OP.

Not sure if anyone's mentioned it, but DNiece has recently started doing baton twirling.

It's also starting to get expensive, what with having multiple leotards, 2 pairs of jazz shoes, make up, hair accessories travelling to & from competitions etc plus normal subs.

It also fits with letting the team down as they do team/group competitions and solo ones too

At first you can rely on natural talent, but as the years go on, it's more and more about the training and practise, which means, you are absolutely right, she won't improve at the same rate as others, and that's why I don't think the success will continue, and it will affect her confidence. Especially with the 'help' of nasty comments from 'friends' at school.

This is purely projection on your part. You want her to give up the hobby for other reasons because its a nuisance to you. At 7, in most sports other than maybe gymnastics and ballet, most of the Olympic contenders were just learning the basis skills and not winning. Paula Radcliffe, for example, is famous for not being in the top 100 at the English Schools Cross Country Championships at 12 or 13 or something.

Some of the best competitors in many sports come through, having learnt from a combination of failing and learning a desire to improve and work at it. Its not something you would really expect to be present at age 7. I think you also over-estimate family support - the really determined do well no matter what, and tend to make contacts and exploit opportunities anyway.

The nasty comments from children at school must be hard for your dd, we were extremely lucky that dd only got support from the children when she was at school.
I still think that if the motivation isn't there to do the practice, it would not be a bad thing to scale down a little.
I know that if she does decide to stop this hobby and find another one she will have the potential to go far. To have that much discipline in any subject at her age is amazing, she already knows about hard work and commitment.

I think if she's not bothering to practise then you shouldn't feel guilty about cutting back.

Competitiveness starts so young, I think she's probably burnt out a bit - but still feels the pull of the glory of winning etc.

This thread has freaked me out - DD is 7 and doesn't even HAVE a hobby yet! Can barely afford a club let alone all the extras.

Oh and I wish it was Parkour as someone mentioned - we even have a special parkour training ground locally, but the person who runs the club says they don't do it for under 10s. A shame as DD would enjoy it.

Fuzz, as a friend never times of telling me, Roger Federer didn't even start playing tennis til he was 11. HTH.

does anyone know the hobby yet?

It does, thanks :) not that I'm bothered about DCs becoming champions, mind you! :o

It's something that gets me down sometimes - several of DD's friends do absolutely loads of clubs and I worry she misses out IYSWIM.

Fuzz look for free Saturday morning events at your local gallery/museum. You may have a budding artist/archaeologist. DS used to go to Wildlife Watch which did monthly free activities (junior arm of Wildlife Trust).

Does she work sheepdogs?

I bet it's sheepdogs.

< nods knowingly >

"Does she work sheepdogs? I bet it's sheepdogs. < nods knowingly >"

That would be a lot easier than baton twirling, then Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses.

(According to a shepherdess friend of mine) apparently you can now buy a share in a competitive sheepdog, instead of buying a whole one.

Bet a twirler would need a whole baton!

< nods back knowingly >

Parkour isn't competitive.

I think it's rhythmic gymnastics or acro, although you can't compete in 'proper' competitions until the year you turn 8, so maybe not.

..and I don't know how you would get through that kind of money.

Oh I've got it!! I bet it's that freestyle disco thing that you need expensive outfits for andf need ots of flexibility, which might be the 'difficulty' that her DD isn't willing to work at

No I don't see how you could compete in parkour really unless it was marks for style etc! But I'd love DD to do it in classes to push herself IYSWIM :)

Thanks for the ideas!

Put her in brownies. She'll get to earn badges which will satisfy her need for 'medals'. Anything above a sticker is just a glorified sticker and all kids really want (at least in my house) are the stickers

Seven pages and STILL NO REVEAL!!!

Those Irish dancing wigs are hilarious.

After reading all seven pages I am, more than ever, committed to benign neglect as a parenting philosophy.

I didn't even realise it was wigs! I thought parents must have spent hours curling their DD's hair with a gallon of hairspray.

I'd actually vaguely wondered about Irish dancing as a hobby (there's Irish festivals in my town so see it quite a bit) but I'm glad I've seen the warnings about the expense now!

Could it be child beauty pageants?

That racks up the ££££ when it goes big time

Those Irish dancing wigs are hilarious

Totally agree and I'm a big fan of Irish dancing. I has got a lot worse since I was involved, some twenty odd years ago. I think it is time there was a campaign against all the special dresses, make up and wigs, it's getting so far away from the tremendous skill required.

Mexican, thankfully some of the organisations have banned make up and fake tan for the younger dancers.

It is so far removed from its roots of pale Celtic complexions, hair in ringlets and wearing Sunday best to dance in as it was when I did it a gazillion years ago.

Mexican, thankfully some of the organisations have banned make up and fake tan for the younger dancers

That is good news, 500smiles

I only read the thread to find the hobby.

I think it's lion taming.

If you aren't really behind her anymore then best steer her away now.