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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my parents hadn't moved abroad?

145 replies

CuthbertDibble · 12/10/2014 17:21

They seem to be missing out on so much, there have been a few more grandchildren born since they went and they don't have the same, lovely, relationship that they had/have with the ones that were around before they went.

The other issue is they don't have their own place over here so they end up staying for two to three weeks and they do it two or three times a year. We're good with house guests, we have lots, but more than a long weekend becomes a bit of an imposition.

I love my parents but they are now turning into annoying guests I'd rather not have to entertain.

Anybody else have issues like this?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/10/2014 17:25

If you find them an imposition you could suggest they book into a hotel.
Do you visit them?

sonjadog · 12/10/2014 17:27

Could you say to them that you find the longer visits a bit much and could they maybe rent somewhere nearby for the weeks they are there?

Humansatnav · 12/10/2014 17:27

YABU

diddl · 12/10/2014 17:31

If you haven't got room to put them up then you haven't.

Tbh, I think it's great that they visit so much.

If they stay abroad when unable to visit, the onus will be on you, so make the most of it.

Three times a year for three weeks is only nine weeks!

Original poster
CuthbertDibble · 12/10/2014 17:33

We do visit, but not often, maybe once every couple of years. They really can't afford to staying hotels.

OP posts:
homeaway · 12/10/2014 17:35

Find them a holiday rental near where you live.

Pistone · 12/10/2014 17:36

I'd be glad they visit regularly tbh. I have a friend whose parents moved abroad who never visit unless they have to. They're wrapped up in their own selfish lives and are oblivious to any problems their children back home are having.

diddl · 12/10/2014 17:37

OK, what's so annoying about them?

sonjadog · 12/10/2014 17:39

How about airb&b? You can often get a cheap rental rate there.

furcoatbigknickers · 12/10/2014 17:39

I'd find that length of time tough too. But its their lives.

Original poster
CuthbertDibble · 12/10/2014 17:40

Crikey, I'm obviously a complete cow and IABU. Must be nicer to people that treat my home as if it belongs to them.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 12/10/2014 17:42

YANBU.

diddl · 12/10/2014 17:45

Perhaps if you'd put that in your op, posters might have had some suggestions.

SoonToBeSix · 12/10/2014 17:47

Maybe you were an annoying child but you lived in their home.

GreySpaceInvaders · 12/10/2014 17:47

My parents live abroad and don't come back for visits. We try to get over to visit every year, but it usually works out a bit less often than that. We keep in touch over Skype, sometimes every few days and sometimes a week or two between calls. DD didn't meet my dad until she was 14 months old and she loves him just as much as my FIL (who she sees multiple times a year).

As for your second issue, I don't think I could put my parents up in my flat for a visit, but they manage to put up with us when we go to visit :-D

uncanny · 12/10/2014 17:47

I don't think you're being remotely U (I can't spend more than 2 days with my parents). Your parents chose to live in another country to they have to organise and fund/save for their visits back. For me it would be a very big deal to live in close quarters with my Ps and my own family.

Did they discuss this before they went to live abroad? Is it a long journey or just France or similar.

You have to weigh up how much you are prepared to upset them though. Have you got brothers/sisters to break up the stay?

Humansatnav · 12/10/2014 17:49

My family is fairly scattered, but I don't wish that any of them would have stayed in the uk on my account.

Original poster
CuthbertDibble · 12/10/2014 17:49

diddl they are my parents! Everything they do is annoying, we don't own any of the grandchildren, we just have the house with a big spare bedroom and bathroom Smile

OP posts:
Pistone · 12/10/2014 17:51

Do they make themselves useful when they come home, or do they expect to be fussed over and waited on hand and foot. If that's the case then yanbu.

AlleyCat11 · 12/10/2014 17:56

I don't think it's selfish of parents to do their own thing once their kids have grown up. And got married & have kids. They've dedicated enough of their lives to you already. Mine are young & have no interest in grandkids (there aren't any). They plan to travel & enjoy their retirement. I don't consider their money as my inheritance either... I think you have to respect them as individuals & not just think of these people as your parents. The day will come with your own kids where you'll want them out of your hair...
I think once childhood is over, parents should be free to live as they please.

Original poster
CuthbertDibble · 12/10/2014 17:56

Pistone no, they don't make themselves particularly useful. I'm assuming you mean do they cook, clean, shop, do a bit of gardening? No, they do none of those.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 12/10/2014 18:00

I think I'd set ground rules about their stay, like they have to do stuff.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/10/2014 18:02

OP, why did they move abroad? Maybe they wanted less contact?

"Must be nicer to people that treat my home as if it belongs to them."
That is a pain. I presume 'a talk' wouldn't go down well?

butterfliesinmytummy · 12/10/2014 18:05

I don't think it's selfish at all. I live overseas (different continent) and go back once a year for a long week. My dad visits us (he's retired) for about a month but he travels around when he's here, gets some cheap flights for a week here, week there. He probably stays in our house for 7-8 days overall. When we lived even further away, he always spent the first 3 nights in a hotel to get over the worst of the jet lag (and be able to take afternoon naps without the kids being noisy). He's a really considerate guest actually....

LadyLuck10 · 12/10/2014 18:06

I think you have a horrible attitude. They're you're parents. You wish they didn't move away but complain about them? Maybe that's why they don't come over so oftenConfused
You don't see the very often, and even then you can't accommodate them when they visit. Your own parents. How cold to ask them to stay in a bnb.

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