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Original poster

To not want to meet nor have any clue how to handle this sexist arse?

387 replies

Vintagecrap · 10/10/2014 08:51

I am meeting the boyfriends father tomorrow. I have been pre warned that he is rather sexist and is known for offending people.
He will refer to woman as ' look at that little machine' and ' the bird likes x, does she'

The boyfriend says that he would probably be diagnosed with some condtion nowadays, but as it is he is 60 ish and it isnt going to happen, and that in some ways his behavoior has led him to be successful as he has done very well for himself in terms of career and wealth.

All of his previous girlfriends have hated him, bar one, who let him suck her toes once ( and i cant imagine a situation where this would even happen)

The brother is also going to be there, he doesnt work, lives like a hermit, lives off family money and rarely speaks.

Normal course of the evening is to get awfully drunk, argue about politics and wave their arms around.

I really do not want to sit in the company of someone who thinks im a ' machine' because i happen to have boobs and a vagina.
I have no idea how to handle it at all really.

I know no family is perfect, but at least mine made my boyfriend feel welcome and he was sent home with a ton of food and cake.

OP posts:
MardyBra · 12/10/2014 09:45

Grin at Fanjo

Anniegetyourgun · 12/10/2014 09:47

You may be right about the intent behind the song, Hatespiders, but in the context described here it's understandable to find it threatening and unpleasant.

Am wondering why so many posters want to blame the OP for not handling the evening differently. For one thing she might have reasonably expected the boyfriend who apologised in advance for his dad's difficult ways, not to have turned into a raging cunt himself. By the time he had it was too late to beat a strategic solo retreat.

Hopefully, as someone else said upthread, it'll be material for a good laugh with the right sort of mates in years to come.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 09:55

I'm not taking any blame at my door.

I had no idea it was going to be as bad as it was, and, why would I.

Boyfriend reassured me it would be fine, I offered to drive but it said no, he would get a taxi.

I have also just remembered the dad shouting ' the bird is bored, the bird is bored' then laughing loudly and waving his arms around. And the boyfriend getting agressive looking for his cigarettes.

Jesus.

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/10/2014 10:04

Sounds like an awful night. I'd say Kevin Bloody Wilson is closer to Bernard Manning than Billy Connolly given that he's also incredibly racist.

At least there's no question that the man needs to be dumped. There's no coming back from this one

PedantMarina · 12/10/2014 10:07

Three drunk, boundary-bereft sexist pigs and one woman. The evening could have gone a lot worse. Was really scared for you when I read your update.

Has the grovelling started yet?

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 10:13

well, that was kind of why i didnt want to make a scene.

Drunk people are unpredictable, i didnt know them, and they were way past a little bit drunk.

I also didnt know how to get out quickly and didnt want to end up in an unknown road when its dark, close to the train station and the red light district. ( thats another thing, beautiful, expensive, riverside flats, right close to the red light area, and some murders)

havent heard a thing, am off to work in 30 or so mins anyway.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 12/10/2014 10:15

Well OP, that was one hell of an eye opener for an evening with someone's family.

As others have said, at least you found out now.

And they should have horrendous hangovers today Grin.

Anyone attempting to justify the mysogynistic 'comedy song' needs to wake up and smell the coffee.

After the surreal experience OP, I hope you have a good day today.

Longdistance · 12/10/2014 10:19

Well, I do wonder why your bf was single in the first place?...Nope, can't really think why?

BoreOfWhabylon · 12/10/2014 10:19

I used to live in Australia. Kevin Bloody Wilson might have been having a clever poke at the hypocrisy of Canadians being too prudish to say 'cunt' but not too prudish to use horrible, derogatory terms for female genitalia but...

...the subtlety of this is, for the most part, lost on the neanderthals who form most his fan-base.

Horrible, horrible experience for you OP but you have dodged a bullet. Apart from anything else, the BF clearly has a major problem with alcohol. Any adult man who drinks himself into a vomiting stupor does.
Flowers for you.

Waltermittythesequel · 12/10/2014 10:20

I'm disgusted but not surprised at the attitude of some posters. Like your discomfort is 'PC gorn mad'.

Because, it's just impolite not to sit and listen to cunt songs and graphic sex comments, don't you know.

I'm sorry, OP but at least you'll know now not to have this walking dysfunction and his awful family in your child's life.

BadLad · 12/10/2014 10:20

Three drunk, boundary-bereft sexist pigs and one woman.

Two. Apparently the brother was fine.

whattheseithakasmean · 12/10/2014 10:21

allmimsyweretheborogroves RTFT - I cross posted with OP then apologised.

I shall now await your apology - not with baited breath, mind.

CheshireSplat · 12/10/2014 10:24

Poor you Vintage. It sounds horrendous. I know you said you are going to say very little to stbxbf if he gets in touch (presumably he's sleeping off the drink) but I'd be very tempted to make it clear he is dumped because of his behaviour and not his dad's. Not sure why really, he doesn't deserve an explanation but it might make him think before subjecting his next gf to this as before you went it was all blaming his dad for his dad's behaviour.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 10:25

The brother didnt join in.

i dont know if that was because he didnt agree, though he did say sorry a few times and say there was n need for the cunt song.

or, if it was just because he doesnt really join in and is quiet.

who knows.

He didnt drink the brandy, he moved onto water, so, that was in his favour.

ive not really seen drinking like it to be honest, and i used to be married to soldier. But that was a lot of wine and then a ton of brandy, just neat, not a shot, but they were drinking it out of wine glasses.

i dont know. fucking shit, isnt it.

OP posts:
minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 12/10/2014 10:27

oh for heavens sake op, why did you bother going at all.

your boyfriend was basically warning you for a reason, you posted about it.

saving grace is that you no know your boyfriend is as bad as his father, and if you choose to stay with him this is what you'll get every family meal.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 10:27

I dont want to waste my energy on him today.

I shall wait and see what he does. At some point i will explain to him, yes. byt not today.

To be honest, if he cant work it out for himself, hes not the sort of man i want to be with either.

OP posts:
BoreOfWhabylon · 12/10/2014 10:28

I find myself feeling very, very sorry for stbxbf's mother.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 10:31

She passed away years agom

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 12/10/2014 10:34

Yes OP it sounds horrendous. But if you didn't expect it you wouldn't have started the thread before the actual evening. It's one thing saying 'I didn't know it would be this bad' but you did expect it to be bad.

You posted, you got advice which you thought was good advice and you ignored the advice, had a bad time and now you want pity. It's just bizarre. You stayed 6 hours. You could have called a cab at any point.

It's one thing blaming everyone else but the signs were there, were they not?

BadLad · 12/10/2014 10:35

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty

Brilliant name.

Bowlersarm · 12/10/2014 10:38

I kind of agree with Funky, although the really upsetting thing, this morning - the morning after the dreaded night before - is obviously your boyfriends behaviour as it was something you hadn't seen before.

MardyBra · 12/10/2014 10:39

What's with the blaming Funky. Fwiw I would have probably left earlier in the evening but the OP made her choices after having listened to lots of advice. There were plenty of people at the start of the thread telling her to suck up the sexism for the sake of her bf. She chose to follow that advice. and at what point should she bail out?

Your attitude smacks of victim blaming.

the onus was on the bf and his father not to be drunken sexist pigs, not for her to have formulated the perfect get-out plan.

sneepy · 12/10/2014 10:41

To be honest, if he cant work it out for himself, hes not the sort of man i want to be with either.

Have just read the whole thread, you did right to keep yourself safe. BUT the line above suggests you are considering staying with him? Really? You've been shown what he's really like, isn't that enough?

MardyBra · 12/10/2014 10:41

And at no point did the OP foresee the boyfriend joining in with the drunken Misogyny in advance. Her plans weren't based on that scenario.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 10:43

i was exepecting a few sexist comments, which was very different to what actually happened.

and, i followed SOME posters advice, not everyone said the same thing. Just because i didnt follow YOUR advice, doesnt mean that it is my fault and i deserved what happened.

I dont want pity, i came to update.

The signs were not there as i had never met these people, the boyfriend had never behaved in this way and this isnt a typical ' meet the parents' thing that happened.

The first few hours were fine, till about 9:30/ 10 pm ish. We got there at 6. Until then it had just been a few sexist comments, as i was expecting. Then suddenly everyone was awfully drunk and i have explained why it was hard to leave.

but sure, blame me. Good old MN, had i had followed your advice......

OP posts:
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