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Original poster

To not want to meet nor have any clue how to handle this sexist arse?

387 replies

Vintagecrap · 10/10/2014 08:51

I am meeting the boyfriends father tomorrow. I have been pre warned that he is rather sexist and is known for offending people.
He will refer to woman as ' look at that little machine' and ' the bird likes x, does she'

The boyfriend says that he would probably be diagnosed with some condtion nowadays, but as it is he is 60 ish and it isnt going to happen, and that in some ways his behavoior has led him to be successful as he has done very well for himself in terms of career and wealth.

All of his previous girlfriends have hated him, bar one, who let him suck her toes once ( and i cant imagine a situation where this would even happen)

The brother is also going to be there, he doesnt work, lives like a hermit, lives off family money and rarely speaks.

Normal course of the evening is to get awfully drunk, argue about politics and wave their arms around.

I really do not want to sit in the company of someone who thinks im a ' machine' because i happen to have boobs and a vagina.
I have no idea how to handle it at all really.

I know no family is perfect, but at least mine made my boyfriend feel welcome and he was sent home with a ton of food and cake.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 12/10/2014 14:47

He loves you a lot after 4 months of dating?

Coupled with his behaviour that's all the more reason to stay cut off from him!

YonicScrewdriver · 12/10/2014 17:16

My dad's cousin is a bit sexist. This manifests itself in grumbling about women wearing trousers not skirts and grumbling about women taking "holiday" (aka maternity leave). Annoying bollocks but perfectly ignoreable on the odd family occasion.

So that's what I'd be expecting if someone told me their dad was a bit sexist!

nippiesweetie · 12/10/2014 17:26

Blimey, Pinter without the pauses.

Glad you're ok Vintage. A horrible experience but it's over now and you're safe. Somewhere down the line you'll laugh at this and it will become a great anecdote.

Send BF a recording of The Great Escape.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 17:27

exactly, not questions about how oral sex with their son was.

Ive heard nothing more, which is a blessing in disguise as at least i dont have to deal with feeble sorry's that mean nothing.

I will, at somepoint, when i am ready to articulate the whole thing, in a calm manner, do so, and point out exactly why the whole thing was so bad and why he is a massive dick. Until then im saying nothing.

OP posts:
ethelb · 12/10/2014 18:20

Vintage sorry you had such a shit experience.
Ignore all the blamers on here. They have obviously never been in a vulnerable situation caused by men deciding that your comfort and safety is not their priority.
These men chose to put you in this position, you did nothing wrong.
Since when did women have to remain sober at all times to out run abusive men? FFS! Hmm

PiperIsOrange · 12/10/2014 18:53

I think you handled it pretty well.

You wasn't in any physical danger in the flat, just uncomfortable.

Tbh I would have said to go, because you couldn't avoid the rest of your life not going and meeting his family, but I am glad you did go because now you know how much of a dick your boyfriend is.

ArgyMargy · 12/10/2014 19:22

Well, no-one got hurt. Vintage got an early indication of the "real" man she's been dating and has called it a day. All's well that ends well?

BakerStreetSaxRift · 12/10/2014 19:57

Holy shit Vintage I am actually reading this thread agog. I'm so sorry you had such an awful night. I'm also quite shocked at how well some men people can act like socially functioning normal people and actually be harbouring this sort of attitude underneath.

Have you seen him drunk before? As in, is the the drink or the dad that brings this out of him?

The victim-blaming on this thread is appalling. Seriously, you lot ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 20:13

I've seen him drunk a few times. He was never even slightly like that.
Was attentive and affectionate. Made sure I was ok.

I think it was the dad, but at the end of the day my boyfriend was shit. He let me down, let me feel awful and embarrassed and then puked all over the place....so, excuses don't wash really..

Still haven't heard any more from him.

OP posts:
minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 12/10/2014 20:25

BadLad, cheers!

are you a fan?

PedantMarina · 12/10/2014 21:12

Well, that's another reason to be cheerful: at least he didn't puke all over your place! Grin

Hope you're OK now, Vintage Smile

BadLad · 12/10/2014 23:45

I certainly am.

May I say that's a smashing blouse you have on?

BMW6 · 13/10/2014 08:16

TBH OP I wouldn't waste my breath on explaining anything to him (if he contacts you again).

If he really does know that he disgraced himself he won't need to hear it from anyone else, will he.

You had a lucky escape there - best that you found out his true character sooner rather than later.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 13/10/2014 08:55

i felt that way, but a friend pointed out that, if he was that drunk, he might not have been all that aware of what happened or have any memory of it, and just think i left because of the puking.

So, this morning i sent the longest message to him, i went through everything. He has seen it, i have not as yet had a reply. He has to go to work today, so, if he had forgotten all that, he will now have all day at work to think about it.

I dont expect to hear anything back from him now, i mean, there isnt really anything anyone can say to that, is there.

I feel better for having said my bit anyway, clean slate makes it easier to move on.

OP posts:
hackmum · 13/10/2014 08:59

God, how revolting. Tons of sympathy, OP, but you're well out of it.

PedantMarina · 13/10/2014 09:00

Well done, that Vintage ! I really hope you didn't pepper it with loads of "sorry, but I feel that... " type things. He was unequivocally an asshole in this one. Grin

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 13/10/2014 09:23

oh god no.

ive got no need to say sorry for how i felt/ feel.

I did say that he left me down, that his behavior shows he has no respect for me at all and that i think more of myself that to have stayed the night with a man that subjected me an evening like that, and then was puking through drinking too much.

but anyway, it was a very very very long message. Just the facts and setting out what happened to jog his memory a bit.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 13/10/2014 09:25

Good grief OP I've just caught up with all this.
What a nightmare for you.
Well done staying safe and getting away.
I hope your message has the impact it should on your Ex!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 13/10/2014 09:57

Good for you. I hope your message makes him realise what an utter arse he's been.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 13/10/2014 10:06

maybe. maybe not.
probably thinks that is normal and im a nagging woman.

His dad did ask a fair few times if i nagged him.
Its like hes got this awful, shit, view of women. They are there for nagging and sex, thats it.

fucking awful

I just feel really disappointed now, that ive spent 4 months with someone i thought was wonderful, turns out they are a total dick.

OP posts:
Stupidhead · 13/10/2014 10:19

I'm still a bit gobsmacked rereading! I assumed it'd be the odd 'blue' joke and some unPC ideas but it really was a nightmare.

HavanaSlife · 13/10/2014 10:23

Fucking hell what a wanker. Well at least youve found out now and wont be wasting any more time. In some ways its a good thing you went .

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 13/10/2014 10:36

Im still gobsmacked.

i keep wondering if it didnt happen, because it seems so not like a thing that would.

You would never ever think, when you met the parents, that a few hours later they would be stood on a chair, waving their arms around and shouting over the music that this song was about anal sex and did i like anal.

Its just so out of anything you would expect. I dont really know how to process it.

Luckily im off work today, ive got a ton of stuff to do, but am struggling to find motivation. Had a bit of a tear for the first time, so hopefully the anger is going and ill just be upset,and then tomorrow ill feel a bit better.

I just feel like a total idiot.

OP posts:
BakerStreetSaxRift · 13/10/2014 10:44

((((OP))))

You've handled this really maturely and fairly.

Stupidhead · 13/10/2014 10:46

You're totally not an idiot and you're allowed a tear. My DP can be blunt and unPC and texted me a joke about a ginger minge because he thought it was his friend he was texting but he would never put me in a position like that. He would be mortified. That is a normal reaction. Once I was in a hotel full of oil workers having hangover breakfasts, some were swearing and being loud and obnoxious, one clocked me and told them to be quiet as there was a lady (if only they knew!) present. Again, that is normal.

Your being put in that position and your bf not realising how awful their behaviour was and how disgusting they were being is not on. No consideration. I can only imagine how 'nice' the funny little round one who sucks toes is. Ewww!

Put this down to experience, hopefully one day you can laugh at your lucky escape!

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