I have had a lot of very serious mental health problems over the years and very difficult times. For over ten years I have been able to contact a former colleague and rely on him always to be there, through my ups and downs, nearly always on email. He's been a fantastic listener, supportive just be being there and not judging, and, since I had my DCs and he had his, we have exchanged presents and cards etc. As I have got stronger, my emails have been more about everyday life, plans etc. and he never fails to respond. I continue to be in touch with him about 3 times per week.
I have met his wife briefly twice and - I may be wrong -but she has seemed a bit hostile. I don't know what he has told her about me, he is a really trustworthy person so probably wouldn't tell her my whole life story. I am going to visit them again soon with my DCs and I really want to "befriend" her, I feel this is important for my friendship with him to go forward.
I don't want to be perceived as a threat or in any other negative way. Besides not being sure of the best way of befriending her, other than relaxed chatting about subjects of interest to all of us, I do feel anxious about it. I suppose I feel, worse case scenario, that if she didn't like me, he might stop emailing out of respect for her. When I put that on paper, it sounds a bit far-fetched.
I over-analyze my own motives in this friendship all the time too. I am quite confident that I don't fancy him, but I love him as a friend, for sure.