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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know what sort of crime someone's dad committed?

155 replies

Twentythree9teen · 08/10/2014 10:26

My son is friends with a nice little girl in primary school, and I talk to her mum from time to time. After she got to know me she volunteered the information that the girl's father was in jail. He's out now, and I've met him, and he's a nice enough bloke, though some people might find him a little scary. He's tall and muscular and gruffly spoken.

He was in jail for roughly three years. When I asked why he was in jail the mother said only "he got in a fight" but claimed it wasn't really his fault.

It occurred to me the other day that I know the family name (a highly unusual one, not Smith), and his case and sentencing must be a matter of public record. I could probably google him right now.

Would you do it? Can any good come of it?

I'm torn between curiosity and feeling I might be better off not knowing. Next time I run into him at the school gates I might not be able to look him in the eye. After all you don't go to jail for three years for "a fight"...

OP posts:
HibiscusIsland · 08/10/2014 21:07

Curious

Clawdy · 08/10/2014 22:06

She was being very honest to tell you. Perhaps she thought you would be sympathetic.

Original poster
Twentythree9teen · 08/10/2014 23:46

Update/clarifications:

  • I haven't googled yet
  • he was in jail recently (we've known them 4 years, he was in for the first 3)
  • There's no contact with them except casually at the school gate/park; he never looks after my child, I never look after his
  • not in the UK so court/sentencing info doesn't necessarily apply, but a broadly similar justice system.
OP posts:
AlpacaYourThings · 08/10/2014 23:47

Why haven't you googled him yet?!

ChippingInLatteLover · 08/10/2014 23:47

Why haven't you googled??

BigPawsBrown · 08/10/2014 23:49

I'm a lawyer. To get any custodial sentence you need previous convictions or to have committed a serious crime. He likely got a six year sentence and served half of it, which is normal.

6 years for getting in a fight - I would put bets on him having caused an injury that turned out to be way worse than he anticipated (like one punch manslaughter) or some sort of wounding with intents

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 08/10/2014 23:54

Shamelessly place-marking in the desperate hope OP gives in to the peer pressure

steff13 · 08/10/2014 23:56

I'd have googled as soon as I got home. I'm pretty nosy, though.

Dontlaugh · 08/10/2014 23:58

If it was a fight, he wasn't an innocent bystander nor was he "caught up in it".
IF we are all going with the fight story, then somebody suffered injury with intent and with repercussions.
Served 3?
Sentenced to 6.
It is a matter of public record, if a court case was held. Why wouldn't one Google?

PoisonousCentipede · 08/10/2014 23:59

Oh just Google ffs

Babiecakes11 · 09/10/2014 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whereisegg · 09/10/2014 00:35

I would have googled as soon as I knew his name!

Original poster
Twentythree9teen · 09/10/2014 00:56

Hope I'm not dripfeeding but I've only just realised I know their name. There's a kindergarten class photo on the wall at home and it includes surnames.

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 09/10/2014 00:58

I would have googled too

(though maybe less likely as you say no contact at all with your child)

ChippingInLatteLover · 09/10/2014 00:58

I just assumed you would.

Why haven't you googled? What do you want us to say?

Thruaglassdarkly · 09/10/2014 01:07

Is this the start of some sort of suspense based novel??? Because I reckon, if not, the OP should write one. Grin

Thruaglassdarkly · 09/10/2014 01:08

In other words...GOOGLE ALREADY OP!!!!!

KoalaDownUnder · 09/10/2014 02:56

I'm kind of begrudgingly impressed that this is a moral dilemma for you.

Can you please just google it now, though, and tell us?

bombolina · 09/10/2014 03:55

are you in nz? i want to know if you have googled too

Bulbasaur · 09/10/2014 04:03

You are innocent until proven guilty. That means there was enough proof and evidence to lock him up for 3 years.

I would not be letting my child go to a house of an ex-convict, regardless of the reason they went to jail. Their second chance and clean slate means jack to me. He was stupid enough to get caught, which probably means he impulsively lost his temper in a public area. I would not want an impulsive, hot headed idiot around my kid. Even if he wasn't dangerous anymore, I'd want any adult I'm allowing into her life to at least be a decent role model.

Iflyaway · 09/10/2014 04:16

Ah FFS we,re on page 4 and still no wiser.... Hmm

BastardGoDarkly · 09/10/2014 04:17

You absolutely must Google, and come back and tell us Grin

FrontForward · 09/10/2014 04:35

I'd have googled. What you do with your information is probably more significant than whether you find it out or not. If you just use it to make a judgement on how much contact you want with the family that's fine. Its a personal decision and I think completely reasonable for someone who has done such a long time for a violent crime. If you gossip or made the family pariahs...wrong

FrontForward · 09/10/2014 04:36

It would also be wrong to tell your child or do anything which compromised the other child's innocence

saffronwblue · 09/10/2014 04:40

Google him. The information is in the public domain. He has a criminal record which is part of the outcome of what he did. Don't gossp or tell others but do be aware that once you know what he did, you can't unknow it.