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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to know what sort of crime someone's dad committed?

155 replies

Twentythree9teen · 08/10/2014 10:26

My son is friends with a nice little girl in primary school, and I talk to her mum from time to time. After she got to know me she volunteered the information that the girl's father was in jail. He's out now, and I've met him, and he's a nice enough bloke, though some people might find him a little scary. He's tall and muscular and gruffly spoken.

He was in jail for roughly three years. When I asked why he was in jail the mother said only "he got in a fight" but claimed it wasn't really his fault.

It occurred to me the other day that I know the family name (a highly unusual one, not Smith), and his case and sentencing must be a matter of public record. I could probably google him right now.

Would you do it? Can any good come of it?

I'm torn between curiosity and feeling I might be better off not knowing. Next time I run into him at the school gates I might not be able to look him in the eye. After all you don't go to jail for three years for "a fight"...

OP posts:
mdpis3 · 08/10/2014 11:52

I just wanted to add that you actually have no idea about the backgrounds or criminal history of the vast majority of people you come across. Including all those parents in the playground (and even some of the teachers). I know people that you wouldn't have dreamt could have committed the crime they did. In my experience, those that are honest enough to tell you their partner or child's father is/was in prison (and that the father still has access to that child) aren't the ones to worry about so much. It's those that are no longer allowed access to their children, those that hide their criminal past (although not everything is disclosable) and those with truly heinous crimes (which again, you wouldn't know). I agree that curiosity gets the better of us and that google and freedom to information makes it easier but keep in mind that the judicial system in this country is beyond broken and that people get less time for sexual assaults than they do for driving without a licence. 3 years for a fight isn't unheard of, it could have taken a year to get to trial and time spent bailed or on remand is usually added to the sentence by laymen. I agree that if you plan to let your child go to their house then you should know but you could also just ask the Mother as she shared that much with you, just keep in mind that this man has the right to privacy just like you have the right to keep your child safe. If in doubt, keep your child away from him.

championnibbler · 08/10/2014 11:54

Someone i once knew went to prison for sexually assaulting his niece, he was in his 60s. His partner - who stood by him, as they often do - glossed over it afterwards and is back, nice and snug, with him. The rest of his family did the same. they don't seem to fully grasp what he did. I would most certainly google if I were you.

IAmBalonz · 08/10/2014 11:54

Have you googled yet?

AlpacaYourThings · 08/10/2014 11:55

I would Google it in a heartbeat. What if she isn't being truthful?

edamsavestheday · 08/10/2014 12:00

I'm nosy so looked up sentencing guidelines - 5 years is max for GBH without intent, 3-16 (poss life sentence) for GBH with intent.

celestialsquirrels · 08/10/2014 12:01

If he was actually in prison for 3 years his sentence was actually probably no less than 6 years and was more likely to be higher. To get a 6 plus year sentence it has to something really serious, possibly involving previous offending.I would google without hesitation.

ChippingInLatteLover · 08/10/2014 12:02

thestarslookdown I would want to know as well and I would do whatever I could to find out. Or move.

PrivateJourney · 08/10/2014 12:02

BookABooSue, did any innocent bystanders get caught up in it though? I agree it's easy to make a plausible explanation for that happening but in practise I don't know of a single situation where it has. It doesn't make me sound great, but I really have witnessed a lot.

The thugs are looking for other thugs and they have a kind of sixth sense for them, innocent bystanders might occasionally get hurt in the cross-fire but they don't get involved in the fight.

edamsavestheday · 08/10/2014 12:16

I think it might be unlikely that the victim of an attack, or an innocent bystander, is convicted and serves three years inside. Years ago dh and his friend were attacked when they went to the aid of two girls who were being hassled - turned out the guys hassling the girls had lots of mates who piled round the corner and jumped up and down on dh and his mate.

Police arrived, arrested everyone, but it was sorted out when they got back to the nick - thugs charged, dh and his friend interviewed and treated as victims/witnesses for the court case. (Girls unharmed.) dh says he's never been so thankful to hear the words 'you're nicked'.

BookABooSue · 08/10/2014 12:29

private and edam I don't think someone caught up in a fight would serve three years. I was just making the point that it is possible to get caught up in a fight even if you're 'not that sort of person' as edam's example proves.

PrivateJourney · 08/10/2014 12:33

Hmm, Edam's example prove that innocent bystanders don't do the fighting or get sentenced. They might be there, they might (rarely) be attacked but they don't fight.

Bigoldsupermoon · 08/10/2014 12:34

Agree that serving three years has probably got to be something a bit more than 'a fight'. The partner of someone I know pulled a replica gun on someone in a pub and only served 18mo.

ARGHtoAHHH · 08/10/2014 12:34

so come on then, what did he do?

Kthmai · 08/10/2014 12:35

Google! I'd keep it to myself though as nobody likes a gossip!

youareallbonkers · 08/10/2014 12:49

I'd have googled already. Let us know :-)

BookABooSue · 08/10/2014 12:51

Private I said get caught up in a fight. You seem to be struggling to understand my posts so do feel free to ignore them so as not to derail the thread.

momnipotent · 08/10/2014 12:55

I would have Googled as soon as I could after she had told me that. I wouldn't spread it around but I would want to know for my own peace of mind.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/10/2014 12:57

Often when people describe prison time it either gets rounded up or down dependant on who they are talking to they also tend to lump remand time in.

But no I wouldn't google and I would have no interest at all unless my child was around him unsupervised

youareallbonkers · 08/10/2014 12:57

Better yet, tell us and we can all google it too

kelda · 08/10/2014 13:00

I would have already googled. It's human nature to be inquisitive about something like this, especially when your children are involved. Although to be honest even if they didn't have children I think most of us would have googled.

Branleuse · 08/10/2014 13:03

its probably manslaughter

Guitargirl · 08/10/2014 13:04

You are thinking about typing his name into Google not breaking into the bank for his account details. I google lots of people! Doesn't everyone?

Fifibluebell · 08/10/2014 13:15

I would have googled ages ago! I would keep it to myself but definitely would have googled!

treaclesoda · 08/10/2014 13:23

I would Google. Don't see any reason not to really - it's information that will be in the public domain anyway.

HibiscusIsland · 08/10/2014 17:29

Did you Google op?

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