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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
purplemeggie · 09/10/2014 19:47

Blimey, Cuppa - this is a shocker. Hope you're okay, that you have a peaceful remains of your pregnancy and that this fcker stays away. Take care of yourself x

Deathraystare · 09/10/2014 19:54

Appalling from beginning to end. Hope you updated his ..daughter was it or sister? Seems to have his number anyway. He treated you very very badly. Well, at least you never have to deal with him again.

Cuppachaplz · 09/10/2014 19:56

Am an absolute nervous wreck, DS is really upset by my jumping at everything.
However bath is running with the last of the lavender from the garden ( feels a bit like putting a band aid on an amputation, but I like lavender! )

Paperwork fine, it was upstairs, which was where I had been until I came down and geared something, so perfectly safe.
Will be contacting 101 tomorrow for advice re follow up with postDSS claims etc. I may have utterly failed to say anything of too much yes to police, but DID make it clear that they had not been in all day (what he initially claimed) so presumably this cast some doubt on his next story...
His dd aware of situation. She was an old uni friend who I have seen a couple of times over the last 5 years, so no massive loss if I get the blame.

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 09/10/2014 19:57

I don't think your uni friend is going to blame you, she seems to have her dad's character pegged!

ChelsyHandy · 09/10/2014 20:00

What an odd lifestyle this man and his girlfriend lead! Do they actually have a proper home abroad that they use in summer, or do they do the same to other people over there?

This man is not your friend. You owe him nothing. Thank goodness the police were involved. He seems to be some kind of sociopath - the ability to take people in, the disrespect for "social norms", the lack of concern for other people...I'm guessing once he realises he can get no more out of you, he will move on and you will never hear from him again.

I once got involved in something like that, nowhere near as bad, but I could see it heading in a similar direction and had to take quite direct action to fend it off. I was persuaded by a chap at my work who was working away from his home country for a year to let him and his girlfriend stay in the flat I was doing up for a fortnight over Christmas and New Year, to cover the gap until their new rented flat was available.

I really didn't want to do this, didn't offer, and he only knew about the flat because I had mentioned doing it up to be ready to rent out in six months or so. I told him it had no fridge/freezer in it, and was in a very basic condition. The moment they moved in they started phoning me to complain that there wasn't this, that, etc. - they actually phoned me up on Christmas Day to complain that there were no wine glasses. I had only charged them a token £50 a week!

Thankfully, they did move on - probably only because if they had stayed, he knew I would have complained about him to our employer. 18 months later though he phoned me on my mobile from abroad (nice!) to ask if I could lie if a UK government department phoned me to check if he had been living in the UK all that time...obviously I said no, and made sure he knew it!

Aeroflotgirl · 09/10/2014 20:01

Oh god poor poor you. I hope that you enjoy your lovely bath. What a shitty way to treat an old friend, you his know what a scheming, vile, criminal this individual is! Yes after that, their stuff would be outside in the rain. I hope there is no more drama. This is stress you really don't need.

MexicanSpringtime · 09/10/2014 20:02

What an appalling person, OP. So glad you and the baby are ok. Have you taken anything for the shock?

cozietoesie · 09/10/2014 20:05

Glad you're rid of them and hope you have a great bath with the last of the lavender.

Might be no bad thing to keep a weather eye on your and DH's credit reports over the next little while - it's good practice anyway even if you haven't had the week from hell that you have. Experian do a month's free trial and noddle do free lifetime membership for the basic info - you can google them to get the details and they can be accessed on line very easily.

Osmiornica · 09/10/2014 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cuppachaplz · 09/10/2014 20:06

I'm not sure where I stand legally if I dump their stuff, and really not feeling up to opening even the garage door ATM. Will just leave it for DH to sort and do the ostrich thing...

Just got if the phone to my brother, newly back from Afghanistan and apparently not having worked up enough male aggression.
Normally hate this kind of attitude, but tonight quite onside...
He us threatening to 'get the boys round' for done kind of combat exercise wherever the fuck this guy has gone. Made me chuckle anyway.

Onwards and upwards to a drama free weekend, maybe.
Thanks again mumsnetters xx

OP posts:
JuanFernandezTitTyrant · 09/10/2014 20:08

ShockShockShock

Not an overreaction on your part at all, I hope you are able to come down off the ceiling and the rest of your pg is calm and relaxing.

MissPenelopeLumawoo · 09/10/2014 20:09

Just read your update- bloody hell is all I can say! You were really brave too, being pregnant makes you vulnerable but you held your nerve, well done. Now, please- have your bath and then PUT YOUR FEET UP!!!

Spadequeen · 09/10/2014 20:23

My god they are with stupid, arrogant or a mixture of both. Although in a way I'm glad they did what they did as the police now know about it and they have been told to clear off, if they do anything again (surely they can't be that stupid) there is a record of what has happened.

Don't suppose you fancy your brother staying for a few nights?!

Aeroflotgirl · 09/10/2014 20:29

Get your brother and his Army mate here now Grin

TheABC · 09/10/2014 20:31

OP, I have read your updates with my mouth open! I am glad to hear they are out and I hope you enjoy the bath. Get DH to give you a foot massage. :-D

UptheChimney · 09/10/2014 20:38

OMG, you poor thing, cuppa -- this guy is a criminal basically. Good for you getting the police. You've done nothing wrong, except being too nice.

Hope things are calmer from now on.

SauvignonBlanche · 09/10/2014 20:44

They were lucky your brother wasn't there earlier!

mimishimmi · 09/10/2014 20:46

I'm confused. Did he actually make it inside or not and then they sat around waiting for the police to arrive? Unbelievable. What reason did he give to you for trying to get back into the house?

MB34 · 09/10/2014 20:47

De-lurking to say hope you're ok. I've never heard anything like this in my life! Some people seriously need an education in social skills!

I read a while back you are in South Wales. So am I and I also have a DS and am due DS2 a week tomorrow. If you want to PM me to chat or if we're near each other we could go for a cuppachaplz Grin

PoppyField · 09/10/2014 21:30

Yeah - chuck their stuff out, definitely. Absolutely no reason why you should harbour their crap!

CrabbyTheCrabster · 09/10/2014 22:27

Might be worth a phonecall to 101 to ask what, under the circumstances, you are legally able to do with his stuff. Not that I'd rely on legal advice given on 101, but might give you a rough idea iyswim. I'd be tempted to dump the fucking lot and let him prove otherwise, personally, but suspect you're much too nice and decent for that. [ grin]

Sallygoroundthemoon · 09/10/2014 22:30

You poor thing OP. You are doing all the right things so big hug.

OVienna · 09/10/2014 22:33

Please for the love of God I cannot read the whole thread but someone please tell me a mob of mumsnetters has been round to forcefully eject this asshole from the OPs house?!

Selinemaratima · 09/10/2014 23:15

Just read your update Hun, in a sinister flash, I'd open the garage door, tape a sign to a bucket which reads "please take - all proceeds to charity" Wink
It's your garage, therefore your property, you can do what you like. Although you are too lovely a person so I suspect you will (as most of us would if we're honest) leave it in there and graciously have him collect it as and when. Do not worry about police, stuff in garage, his DD etc, he is not invading your personal space anymore and you & bubbs are ok, your DS will be fine tmrw Hun, you prob all need a restful nights sleep, big hugs xxx

giraffescantboogie · 09/10/2014 23:36

Hope you feel better soon after a good sleep