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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a seat on the bus?

145 replies

Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 09:02

This morning got a later bus, was gobsmacked to board it and see a number of people's heads drop.

Even school children (teenagers - bus in on the route to 2 schools)

AIBU to be pissed off and disappointed?

I am almost 6 months pregnant by the way, wearing something tight today and there is no mistaking I am pregnant - not just fat!!

OP posts:
YoniMitchell · 06/10/2014 09:04

Yanbu but did you ask for a seat?

moxon · 06/10/2014 09:08

If people don't offer, ask.
Yes, it is sad people are not all kindly souls, but I'd only be pissed off if I asked and someone said no. That'll be a better AIBU story.
Asking is great too: you can select the seat with the most decent-looking neighbour/easiest exit access/most pleasant view/best proximity to heating or aircon! Grin

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 09:08

I didn't ask, BUT that isn't my point.

I am asking if it's unreasonable to expect people to offer?

What if someone I asked said no? !

OP posts:
ChaircatMiaow · 06/10/2014 09:11

YANBU. I'm 24 weeks and quite big and every time I get on train I lose greater faith in humanity...

moxon · 06/10/2014 09:11

Most people will be too embarrassed to say no, as they've already been caught out directly for not offering, if you had to ask.
And if they did, I'm sure someone else would offer instantly to avoid communal embarrassment further.

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 09:11

To me it's about more than just the seat, it's about the decline of manners and common decency.

I always offer a seat to elderly / pregnant people. I sometimes even forgo a seat so someone else can have it (when not preggers and plagues by backache)

OP posts:
Littleturkish · 06/10/2014 09:12

It is unreasonable to expect people to offer.

If you're in London you can wear a baby on board badge, this signals you're pregnant and would appreciate a seat/caution around you and your bump. If you're not somewhere that does the badges, then you're going to have to ask.

So many of my friends have been in tears when days after MC or months post birth they're offered seats and asked about their bump. Some people have swollen pregnant like stomachs when suffering with different illnesses.

You just have to ask, if someone says no, shame on them.

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 09:12

*plagued

OP posts:
Artandco · 06/10/2014 09:12

You need to ask. Everyone else could also have reasons why they didn't leap up. Maybe baby kept them up all night and they want 10mins sit down before work, maybe they are also pregnant but not showing yet, maybe they have dodgy leg...

Just ask, if they can they will stand, if not they will give reason

ChaircatMiaow · 06/10/2014 09:14

And no, you shouldn't have to ask. What kind of person sees a pregnant woman and stays resolutely in their seat?

Pre-pregnancy I always got up, and couldn't have looked at myself in the mirror if I didn't.

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 09:15

In future I will ask but as I say that isn't my point?

I feel sad that this is how things are? No-one has enough common courtesy to offer a blatantly pregnant woman a seat.

I can understand if I am wearing something a bit baggy / loose - then I may look fat. But today I look like I have swallowed a football.

Its the kids that piss me off the most, are their parents not teaching them manners any more?

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 06/10/2014 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPiggie · 06/10/2014 09:15

yanbu and I don't think you should have to ask.

Rusticated · 06/10/2014 09:15

Just ask. (Though I always feel the need to say on these threads that I never once was not offered a seat on the tube during my pregnancy, which doesn't seem to match a lot of other people's experiences...)

Bunbaker · 06/10/2014 09:18

So many of my friends have been in tears when days after MC or months post birth they're offered seats and asked about their bump. Some people have swollen pregnant like stomachs when suffering with different illnesses."

And there are so many threads on MN from women who carry all their excess weight on their stomachs and then get offended when other people assume they are pregnant. You can't win.

gamerchick · 06/10/2014 09:19

I refuse to get buses on the school run. It's a special kind of hell.

If you're not heavily pregnant then you should ask if you need a seat. People just don't care these days for the most part I think.

neiljames77 · 06/10/2014 09:20

It is a reflection of today's society. Rude and selfish.
If someone needed a seat more than me, they can have it.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 06/10/2014 09:25

The kids very likely won't have noticed you - preteens and teens are wrapped up in their own concerns; your pregnancy is on your mind all the time, so you think everyone notices, but the kids especially probably didn't pay you enough attention to register even the most obvious 9 months with twins on a size 8 frame bump. They are rude if they say no (without a reason - not everyone young and non pregnant can stand easily either) when you ask.

The people clocking your bump and looking down at their phone/ paper/ finger nails are rude, assuming they did clock the obvious bump and decide to ignore.

JustAShopGirl · 06/10/2014 09:26

It is unreasonable to "expect" people to offer - you do not know their circumstances, hidden disabilities afflict many, some may have come off a long night shift where they have been standing for the past 12 hours and have a 40 min walk at the other end (my reasons for mainly keeping my bum on seat) - but I generally sit up the back in a corner .

they may also feel you would be offended at being offered - some people are. I would have been puzzled as I was fit and healthy - just pregnant.

Some parents by the way (I am one of those too) teach their kids to go up to the back of the bus and to sit down - for their own safety - when you have been involved in a bus crash where a standing child (or 2) has come off badly - you get them to sit. Kids HAVE to be in approved seats in a car - their safety is paramount - yet in a bus some adults expect them to stand up and - in our case - end up crushed at the bottom of a pile including a 15 stone man - since then mine will sit on a bus.

FragileBrittleStar · 06/10/2014 09:29

Just ask. You are reading too much into it. Many people either don't notice or are uncomfortable offering (in case of error or reaction by woman). Teenagers can be quite self focussed- talking to friends etc- plus it can be difficult for one child/teenager to put themselves forward/stand out from their friends.

DaisyFlowerChain · 06/10/2014 09:31

Ask if you need one but lots of pregnany women don't as they are not sick.

Children on a bus are far safer seated than standing so I would never take a child's seat.

londonrach · 06/10/2014 09:31

Ask. Yabu if you didnt ask. You dont expect people to offer as they might be worried in case you just on the larger size. When i travel in london with pil they can offered seats every time as its obvious they are older. If not i ask for my mil. People get involved in their own thoughts on trains and buses.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 06/10/2014 09:33

Kids small enough to need car seats should be sitting and not expected to get up, I agree - I was imagining the OP was referring to nearly adult sized teenagers, not fragile 8 year olds... But maybe not.

RiverTam · 06/10/2014 09:34

just ask - on the way to work/school most people are wrapped up in their own little world, and even if they looked up when you boarded they may not have 'seen' you at all, let alone registered anything about you.

I found teenagers to be the best when I was PG (not that I got public transport much as I was working from home) - I once had a gaggle of boys get most aerated on my behalf when no-one offered me a seat on a crowded tube - I was only going a couple of stops so wasn't bothered at all, but they were very sweet!

mumeeee · 06/10/2014 09:37

YABU to expect to be offered a seat. As others have said there might be a reason why they didn't offer. DD3 is Dyspraxic and when she was younger she found it very difficult to balance standing on a bus so had to sit down but she didn't have any physical disability. You need to ask for a seat.

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