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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect a seat on the bus?

145 replies

Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 09:02

This morning got a later bus, was gobsmacked to board it and see a number of people's heads drop.

Even school children (teenagers - bus in on the route to 2 schools)

AIBU to be pissed off and disappointed?

I am almost 6 months pregnant by the way, wearing something tight today and there is no mistaking I am pregnant - not just fat!!

OP posts:

TheStarsLookDown · 06/10/2014 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aherdofmims · 06/10/2014 10:35

YANBU to expect people to offer. It would be a sign of common decency I agree. However unfortunately the reality is that you need to ask someone.

It is quite hard I know - I always picked someone healthy looking but of course had they had a hidden disability (a MN favourite) I hope they wouldn't have minded saying so. When that happens someone nearby will nearly always be alerted to the situation and give up the seat.

I have also tried asking the bus/tram generally if someone can give me a seat and that works too.

Re children - I think a child over 5 should be equally prepared to stand as an able bodied adult. Under 5s probably need to sit for safety. I'm not sure that children have less "right" to a seat that a healthy adult but shouldn't expect any special treatment.

DiaDuit · 06/10/2014 10:36

And no, you shouldn't have to ask. What kind of person sees a pregnant woman and stays resolutely in their seat?

Other people with equally valid reasons for needing the seat. Pregnancy doesnt trump all.

Missunreasonable · 06/10/2014 10:37

Many people are afraid of offending somebody who looks pregnant but actually isn't. You might look obviously pregnant in your eyes but some people don't want to make a mistake of that nature.

RiverTam · 06/10/2014 10:38

you still haven't accepted that it is very likely that no-one noticed you were pregnant! I'm in a dream on the bus on the way to work, wouldn't notice anyone or anything unless it was shoved right under my nose.

Or that other people often have an invisible need for a seat.

Or that people have been stung by offered non-pg people a seat in the past.

But you carry on chuntering about the bad manners of today's yoof. It certainly wasn't mine, or many other people's, experience.

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 10:39

I actually do live in London, central London.

I walk in the mornings if its not wet, and I get the bus home (never have an issue in the evening as it's never full so I get a seat)

Have had some good experiences (rarely get the Tube but have a few times recently and was offered a seat immediately) but it's mainly negative.

I used to get a different bus, an elderly lady and her granddaughter would get on at same stop, but always arrived after me and always pushed to get on bus first. I was less pregnant then but still pretty obviously so if not wearing something baggy.

I assume the old woman was worried by letting me on first I would "nick" her priority seat? Although after 3 days or so she'd notice that I sit upstairs?

I just find it an incredible example to set your young grandchild.

I don't think I am designed for public transport in general, it pisses me off!!

OP posts:

kali110 · 06/10/2014 10:41

Some teenagers also have hidden disabilities can i say!

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 10:41

"Pregnancy doesnt trump all"

I completely appreciate this and have never implied that is does.

However surely of 40 people (sorry not sure how many the single decker busses seats) I "trump" someone who has a seat??

OP posts:

MyFairyKing · 06/10/2014 10:42

Why should she ask? Some pregnant women don't need nor want a seat. Some people are in a world of their own. Some people have their own valid reason for a seat.

I'm a disabled person. I ask for a seat if I am not offered. I don't stand and struggle or in my case, fall to the floor and cry, then come home and complain about it. I think that many people genuinely do not notice, I try to be charitable.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 10:44

I wouldn't automatically assume someone needs a seat just because they're pregnant.

Having said that, if someone asked me then I would let them have mine.

kali110 · 06/10/2014 10:45

My fairy hope don't sound rude but do you have an oblivious disability? I can't ask for a seat as it looks like i have no health problems!i can't get on transport if there isn't a seat.

HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 10:45

I wouldn't expect a seat at 5 months ish, nowadays people assume you are ok I think, you could offer a seat and someone could bite your head off.

When I was huffing and puffing around at 9 months with problems walking, then I would have expected it more but still, nowadays you probably have to ask.

I am not sure if it is purely a sign of "broken britian" as such, just that peoole are much more reluctant to interfere in the affairs of others. You could offer someone a seat and not expect to know wether to be thanked or have your head bitten off.

kali110 · 06/10/2014 10:45

My question was how do you go about asking for a seat?

fellowes · 06/10/2014 10:46

i would only offer elderly people a seat , you cant be totally sure if some one is pregnant or not , can you drive or get a taxi if its that bad .

MyFairyKing · 06/10/2014 10:47

Not rude at all. Yes, I walk with a crutch. To be fair, I can't really do public transport, so it's been a while. I'm sad for you that you feel you can't ask, although I admit that I was the same way before I needed a mobility aid.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 10:47

I travel by public transport a lot, as I don't drive. I've had 3 kids and I can only think of one time on a bus that I actually needed a seat because it was hot and I felt dizzy.

I did actually ask a school girl if she wouldn't mind letting me sit down, and she didn't hesitate. She also took an unopened bottle of water from her bag and offered it to me, bless her!

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 10:48

Not every elderly person "needs" a seat but if this thread replaced pregnant with elderly would the responses be the same?

Responses have been really interesting actually - and they go a long way to explaining why I don't get a seat!!

OP posts:

Amateurseamstress · 06/10/2014 10:49

Tbh if you are able to climb the stairs easily and normally walk I would leave the downstairs front seats to those who are less mobile.

Are you sure that people wanting to get onto a bus all notice, and base all their boarding decisions around, your pregnancy?

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 10:49

LOL @ get a taxi - I get the bus as I cannot afford to drive and certainly cannot afford a tenner a day on taxi's!

OP posts:

HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 10:50

I would be more inclined to offer a seat to an elderly person who looked like they could use one than a pregnant woman, becasue in my experience the vast majority of 5 months pregnant women are perfectly fine standing up for a short bus journey.

It's not the same.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 10:50

You can tell an elderly person is elderly by looking at them.

You can't always tell someone is pregnant (even if that person swears everyone can).

I'd rather be asked to give up my seat than risk offending a fat woman.

kali110 · 06/10/2014 10:50

Thanks fairy. Yes i struggle. I usually just get off if theres not going to be a seat.

kali110 · 06/10/2014 10:51

I wouldn't move for an elderly person either op.

HSMMaCM · 06/10/2014 10:52

The teenagers all probably looked down because they looked up to see if one of their friends are getting on, didn't notice whether you were human, or alien and looked back down to carry on texting on their phones.

Many people wouldn't offer a seat, because they have been given short shrift when offering before, but will happily give up their seat if asked. I wouldn't necessarily jump up for someone who's pregnant (as sometimes when I was expecting, I was happy to stand and stretch my legs for a while), but would immediately leap up for a frail, or noticeably unsteady person (of any age).

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 10:54

This is true ^^

What made you think they were looking at you OP?

Even if they were, they probably just glanced your face.

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