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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a seat on the bus?

145 replies

Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 09:02

This morning got a later bus, was gobsmacked to board it and see a number of people's heads drop.

Even school children (teenagers - bus in on the route to 2 schools)

AIBU to be pissed off and disappointed?

I am almost 6 months pregnant by the way, wearing something tight today and there is no mistaking I am pregnant - not just fat!!

OP posts:
pillowaddict · 06/10/2014 10:56

I'm also nearly 6 months pregnant and convinced it's obvious to all but many people don't notice or haven't picked up on it. I physically can't walk to work anymore due to spd but if I could (as I could up to 1 month ago) I wouldn't feel I would need a seat on the bus let alone expect someone to offer one. I know it's frustrating when you feel miserable and uncomfy but most people do tend to travel in their own wee world rather than pay attention to others, particularly on morning commutes.

cherrybombxo · 06/10/2014 10:58

I wouldn't offer a seat to someone I thought was pregnant because maybe they just had a big meal and that would mortifying for all involved. I'd only presume to offer if they were fit-to-pop, waddling-around pregnant. Much in the same way, I don't offer my seat to anyone older than me unless they are quite obviously elderly and infirm. I've offered to older women before and had very haughty responses about how they weren't that old.

As others have said, just ask.

DiaDuit · 06/10/2014 10:58

However surely of 40 people (sorry not sure how many the single decker busses seats) I "trump" someone who has a seat??

You know the best way to find out? ASK!

Stripylikeatiger · 06/10/2014 10:59

I think people just don't notice, 6 months isn't that pregnant, your bump may feel huge to you and your body will have changed drastically but to people who have never met you you might just look like you carry weight on your tummy.

I'm 9 months pregnant with a huge bump, last week I bumped into the lady who runs the playgroup I take my son to, she have me a big hug and said congratulations on the birth of my baby! I was wearing a tight top and in my opinion look very pregnant but apparently not to everyone!

Some people are just rude though, I went to an open evening at the local maternity hospital when I was about 8 months pregnant, all the ladies were 8/9 months pregnant, we had to wait outside a lecture theatre and there were 8 chairs outside and around 30 couples, the first 4 couples sat in the chairs, both the man and woman with a chair, then when the other 26 couples arrived the men stayed put and didn't offer their chairs to the other pregnant mums (despite knowing they were pregnant because we were all there for a birth related open evening!) their wives/girlfriends didn't say anything to them.

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 10:59

I am not expecting everyone to notice / care.

I do think that out of {say} 40 people that someone (who doesn't have a hidden disability / hasn't been working a nightshift etc) does notice and decides to offer me a seat as they think to themselves 'she probably needs it more than me'

Sheesh...

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 11:02

Sheesh, just ask.

I'm sure if you asked you would have no problem getting a seat.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 11:03

But why would you need it more than them?

This is what you've failed to tell us.

Where you feeling faint? Dizzy? In any kind of pain?

All you've said so far is that you're 5 months pregnant.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/10/2014 11:04

To those who are saying 'teenagers don't notice' - well, they bloody need to!

When you pay for a ticket on public transport, you're paying for the transport, not an actual seat. If it's busy enough that there are more passengers than seats, then those passengers who are fortunate enough to be seated should look around now and then in case someone with a greater need than them has got on.

Icelollycraving · 06/10/2014 11:06

I am overweight & carry most of my weight on my tummy. I got a seat on dlr & tube at about 8 weeks Blush

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 11:07

Koala, the bus was packed. It's a cold day, so the OP was probably wearing a coat.

Are you seriously suggesting teenagers should inspect every person who enters the bus, asses them, come to the conclusion they are pregnant and not just fat, and then get up and offer them a seat?

Really? Because on most packed buses here in London, you can barely see over the heads and shoulders of the people in front of you...let alone look down the bus and asses the people without seats.

LadyLuck10 · 06/10/2014 11:10

If you want it just ask, you probably would have stood right in front of me but I have a million things running through my mind I would not have noticed. Most people would have given you a seat but don't think everyone's focus if attention is you.

Stripylikeatiger · 06/10/2014 11:12

I was of the opinion that pregnant women needed a seat as if the bus stopped suddenly and a pregnant woman fell over it could be dangerous for her baby as the placenta could come away.

That was my opinion when I was pregnant with pfb, now I carry my chunky toddler on the bus and had my toddler jump on my bump I'm not too concerned about the minute possibility of falling on the bus.

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 06/10/2014 11:12

"But why would you need it more than them?"

Because I am pregnant. So whilst I am not disabled or dying or ill, I am tired and carrying around a far bit of extra weight. I also tend to be in people's way on a busy bus so have to watch out for random elbows and bags!!

To be fair buses officially class being pregnant as a reason for having a priority seat anyway.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 06/10/2014 11:13

Not just teenagers, Worra. Everyone who uses public transport. Yes, I am suggesting that people should look around their own immediate vicinity for others who might need their seat. Sorry if that's shocking.

(And yes, I have travelled on packed public transport in London, so I am aware of what people wear and how it all works. Lived there for 5 years without a car. Never pregnant, though.)

The attitudes on this topic just piss me off, really.

HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 11:15

I agree with worra, not everyone is going to notice.

I someone is visibly struggling and huffing and puffing that's a different matter, but at 5 months pregnant without any issues not everyone is going to think you want to be offered a seat, so just ask and I expect several people will offer.

No one is denying anyone a seat, just pointing out people are not mind readers.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/10/2014 11:15

To be fair buses officially class being pregnant as a reason for having a priority seat anyway.

Exactly. And if all the priority seats are already in use by people with disabilities/old people/pregnant people, then passengers further down the bus need to start offering.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 11:16

It's not shocking Koala, it's just ridiculous and impractical

KoalaDownUnder · 06/10/2014 11:18

We'll have to agree to disagree on that. I don't see how it's remotely ridiculous or impractical to look at who's standing in the aisle near your seat.

RiverTam · 06/10/2014 11:20

but the attitude that most people are espousing is that the OP shouldn't passively wait for a seat to be offered, but should assertively ask for a seat if she needs it.

Sorry, but you're idea that everyone should look up from their book or whatever to check out every person who gets on the bus (if they can even see them) at every single bus stop - that's just preposterous.

The OP is in London. She can get a 'baby on board' badge. She can ask. She doesn't have to be a martyr and come onto the internet to badmouth teenagers.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2014 11:20

It's ridiculous to assume someone is pregnant, when over 60% of the population is overweight/obese.

Jesus, how could you possibly make that assessment, every time you got on a bus?

DiaDuit · 06/10/2014 11:20

I do think that out of {say} 40 people that someone (who doesn't have a hidden disability / hasn't been working a nightshift etc) does notice and decides to offer me a seat as they think to themselves 'she probably needs it more than me'

Well did you notice every single one of them and check for disabilities, droopy eyelids, pregnancy, old age, stress, invisible illnesses? I very much doubt it- just like i doubt everyone on that bus noticed you get on and made an assessment that they were in greater need of a seat than you. Pregnancy does not make you fluorescent orange or emit a high pitched sound only non pregnant able bodied young people can hear! If you want a seat then you should ask for one stop expecting the rest of the world to notice that you exist!

WanderingTrolley1 · 06/10/2014 11:22

Yanbu, Mamma.

You shouldn't have to ask, but, sadly, these are the times we live in.

DiaDuit · 06/10/2014 11:22

I am tired and carrying around a far bit of extra weight

So are lots of people who arent pregnant.

cherrybombxo · 06/10/2014 11:24

I am tired and carrying around a far bit of extra weight

I have suffered with insomnia for years so I'm always tired and I've recently gained half a stone due to sheer laziness - do I get a seat?

WD41 · 06/10/2014 11:24

Pre DC when pregnancy wasn't on my radar I worked with a woman and didn't notice she was pregnant until she was about 8 months and massive!

The people on the bus simply won't have noticed.