To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

YANBU and I cannot understand why so many people think you are! Sadly, its a mark of this day and age that men have to be on guard what they do/say and youngsters need to have their alertness switched a notch higher. Its not being over protective or wrapped in cotton wool as some have suggested, neither is it over paranoia.
I think asking a young girl directions as a grown man is a little off, and the man should of been aware of this. My friends DS walked home for the first time (he is 10) and was approached by a man asking bus stop information. This was on a London street where he could of asked other people, but no he chose a 10 yr old boy ffs. He too felt uneasy.

I along with every women I know has suffered either sexual assault or sexual harassment by a stranger

from flashing, groping in a bar, on a crowded train, had sexually explicit remarks shouted out to us, touching genitals, being rubbed against the list goes on and on

this is not unusual it is more usual than not as many threads on here have shown

YANBU

My dd, Y8, would have blanked him. I have specifically told her to avoid answering requests for directions - especially if a car tries to pull alongside to ask.

Posters who are scathing and suggest that to take this approach is overdoing the stranger danger bit seem to lack the intelligence to see that some of us in turn would consider their lackadaisical approach I'll considered, but are generally too polite to say so

'ill considered' (auto correct!)

Can't believe people think sexual assault and sexual abuse is uncommon.

Far from it. It's commonplace. Like I said, in my younger years some form of sexual harassment was a literally daily occurrence. Many men don't know this about women's lives but it is a fact.

It is uncommon in my experience, but not unknown, I'm 47 and have never been flashed at or seen anyone masturbating in public, never had parents friends or friends parents make a pass at me etc, just the odd wolf whistle etc when I was much younger. However it can happen anytime, any place, I was groped recently in a crowd while holding hands with my 8yo DD, it was definitely not accidental, the perpetrator disappeared before I had time to react. It could just as easily have been my DD.

Hakulyt re: the urban myth of men driving round suspiciously in a white van, I would have agreed with you, had I not witnessed exactly this a couple of weeks ago, on my own road. I was walking home from work (about 5.50pm) and tried walking fast to overtake a woman walking ahead of me (I'm a woman BTW). She started walking faster to keep pace with me and was talking quite loud on her phone, there was a white van crawling alongside her. I was kind of tuned out until I realised she was trying to keep up with me, then realised the men in the van were talking to her. She then shouted at the men to leave her alone. I asked her if she was ok and she said that the men had followed all the way from a few streets away asking her her name, where she lived etc. They drove off when they saw we were walking together so we walked up the rest of the street to where she had arranged to meet her mum (who she'd been on the phone to). I told her to call 101 to report it. It all happened a bit fast (my experience of it anyway, probably felt very slow to her) but it was really quite scary. I live in south east London in a nice-ish area and it was a truly bizarre and intimidating thing to happen to her, and to witness.

I can completely understand why your daughter was unsettled OP and I think the man was most likely just oblivious to the way such interactions can be interpreted. Most normal men just don't think about personal safety in the way that women often have to, so it doesn't occur to them that the way they approach a situation can be intimidating.

Loved the Schrodinger's rapist post - very interesting and rang true for me in lots of ways.

Good lord YAsoNBU OP the "poor mens" responses are laughable. I will be telling my two girls to walk away fast if they are alone and a car slows down - if they hurt some random mans feelings too bad if he had two brain cells he would realise why he got that response and that it wasn't personal.

Since the age of 12 or so (not for the last few years I must say ha) pretty much any dealings I have had with strange men in cars usually ends up with me being called a bitch, whore, slut etc or being flashed at. Marvellous.

yanbu. Can't believe the amount of people on here who think the OP is being over dramatic.
My DD knows never to stop and speak to any random person looking for directions. She would definitely keep walking if it was a male.
I really couldn't give a stuff if anyone is offended by that.
My DH would never approach a child of any age asking for information/ directions.
Oh, and by the way, y'know that saying that there's a paedophile on every corner.
My friend works in child protection. It's a lot truer than you imagine!

YANBU and ignore all the over-protective WHAT ABOUT THE MEN tribe. SHE felt uncomfortable. That is all she needed to know.

My brother said that he is always aware of this type of thing and so will slow down to allow a woman in a lonely street to get far ahead of him so she never feels followed. It's not nice but there it is.

Goodness. Just came back after a few hours and can't believe how many people have been moved to post. I suppose that means it is a topic worth discussing.

Just for the record I wasn't trying to validate my response (certainly not DD's). My first reaction was simply that I thought it was odd of the man to have stopped her, and then I genuinely wondered whether that was a reasonable reaction or not. It seems as though the response is fairly evenly split. I certainly wouldn't want to (and don't!) wrap my child in cotton wool, which is why I wanted to keep a sense of perspective.

The reason I was asking is precisely because it wasn't a terrible situation, just a disconcerting one, and one she is likely to come across many times in the future. I always like to think about my response to make sure that I am giving her the best advice I can.

I certainly have not brought my DD up to fear all men. I would say she is a child who fears very little. However, I have brought her up to be aware. We live in London and I think it would be irresponsible not to. She is just starting to go out into the world on her own, and I think these early steps can be very important to how self-confident she feels later on.

I think it is far better to deal with the world as it is, than how we would like it to be. Yes, it may be sad to think about these things, but I think we do all have to - especially as parents (whether to girls or boys).

And yes, of course I am glad that she was able to call and tell me how she felt. She wasn't really upset, just a bit nervous and wanting to check that she had done the right thing. She told the man she didn't know where the road was and walked off.

To be honest, I am not sure if the man was on foot or in a car. I think he was on foot but I didn't ask for details. I just checked that he wasn't hanging around and that she was on schedule to meet her friend to complete her journey to school.

No doubt we'll talk about it when she gets home from school this evening.

And, of course, in the meantime I will ponder on all of these responses...

See, that's never happened to me, people ask me for directions pretty regularly (confusing road layout near my house) and I have never had anything untoward happen at all. It is really good to hear other people's experiences as if I was just going by my own I would probably think it equally unlikely to happen to my DD, which clearly isn't true at all.

Yeah, just looking at the ' poor men' responses. I personally couldn't give a flying fuck about some random man on the street who is stupid enough to approach a teenage girl!

For me it is a stark choice

Innocent man insulted or not helped v A female being attacked if he is evil.

Whoknows how have you managed that?! You obviously have never been to St Malo - the town of perves. I as a spotty 14 year old was flashed at/wanked at 3 times in two days when I was there on my French exchange. Must have been my seductive outfit of fleece, anorak and jeans that did it.

YANBU. I personally would be a bit nevcous if i was approached in a deserted place by a man but this is not because I am down on men or think they are all the same etc etc but because of things that have happened in my past. I think it depends what sort of person you are whether it unnerves you. I do think he should have considered that when approaching her

YANBU

Personally I would be uncomfortable in some circumstances if someone pulled over to ask me directions as an adult - certainly at night if I was alone or in a lonely area generally. I always stand well away from the vehicle in any event.

A van pulled over once near me when I was walking back from the pub on my own at about midnight and I didn't wait for them to say anything, I legged it- was most likely completely innocent but I wasn't taking any chances.

If you are that worried about men asking for directions on deserted streets then maybe you shouldn't let your daughter walk alone on the deserted streets

If you are that worried about men asking for directions on deserted streets then maybe you shouldn't let your daughter walk alone on the deserted streets

She felt uncomfortable. So she phoned her mum. Absolutely fine.

However, teaching a teenage girl to "blank" any man who addresses a word to her is not helping her to learn how to look after herself. Yes, of course tell her to keep well away from cars. But it is perfectly possible to engage in normal conversation without putting yourself at risk but you need to learn how to do it!

It was thoughtless of the man to approach her, but I bet he didn't realise how young she was.

Without reading the thread - I was taught to step well back, look around me, then give the directions. I still do this.

Of course she should call you if she's worried. She can even call you in front of the direction-seeker, saying "I'll just check with my Mum." :)

Yeah, just looking at the ' poor men' responses. I personally couldn't give a flying fuck about some random man on the street who is stupid enough to approach a teenage girl!

QUITE.

I've been to St Malo quite a few times as it happens. Someone did try to mug me there when I was about 11, but they were definitely trying to steal my purse not attack me (I was on a school trip). I have honestly never been flashed at / wanked at in my entire 47 years.

If you are that worried about men asking for directions on deserted streets then maybe you shouldn't let your daughter walk alone on the deserted streets

Yeah, it's not like men should correct their behaviour at all...

So how old does a girl have to be before a man can ask her where the post office is?