To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

Your dd did the right thing, good on her op, as an adult I would have done the same if I felt uncomfortable or unsure.

seriously

yes that is right girls and women should be kept off the street we would not want to offend any man by requesting he thinks before he acts

Unfortunately although it is a minority there are enough flashers, wankers, gropers and rapists out there that pleasant and decent men do actually have to think how they come across to women and young girls.

I'm constantly amazed about how clueless some men are about this sort of thing.

A while ago I finished work very late and had to get my car from a (by then) deserted multi storey car park. I'm getting into my vehicle when a man starts rushing towards me. Now, he probably just wanted change or direction but it freaked me out. Why didn't it occur to him that approaching a lone woman in a car park at 1am wasn't a good idea?

Ditto when a man is walking behind me at night. Just fucking overtake or cross over.

Writerwannabe what a disgusting post. I have reported you

if a girl or woman is on her own in a deserted area a man should perhaps think we they may feel vulnerable I shall wait until they are in a place where they may not feel vulnerable or wait until I see someone else

I can see why you think he was wrong. Many children are taught not to talk to strangers in streets. I think he was just being a bit thoughtless and unaware.

"If you are that worried about men asking for directions on deserted streets then maybe you shouldn't let your daughter walk alone on the deserted streets."

Oh silly me. I wasn't aware I had magic powers to be in two places at once

WW you are obviously fortunate enough to have never been assaulted in your life.

I would think it's unusual for anyone to have to ask directions in the smart phone/Google maps age.
Don't think YABU OP, I was letched at/followed by men in cars as a child in the 70's and 80's many times so am naturally cautious.

Massive overreaction! !! So, should I, as an adult woman, not ask a boy for directions, in case it's misinterpreted? What nonsense!

I don't know hakluyt. how old will you be before you can understand nuance?

I have understood nuance for many years- not sure that you do!

Hakulty

Be very wary of the police notices. They are usually based on some sort of 3rd hand story- but the police have to act on them. There is very rarely any factual basis to them. The "men driving round suspiciously in a white van" is just such an urban myth.

Thank you Hak.

I am more wary of any old poster on the internet, telling me I should be wary of police notices actually.

These reports were based on the same description of a man approaching girls outside various schools with the same distinguishing features and the same car.

A man approaching girls was not a myth it was a reality.

For fuck sake
You know there are some posters on here, no matter what you say they will not believe you, and put everything they don't want to hear down to urban myths or nonsense.

Such a strange way to live?

I have seen enough men lurking in bushes wanking themselves off outside my old schools, approached my dogy men, propositioned by dogy men, to know the reality of whats out there.

I also heard the cry of a woman being raped very near my house in the middle of the night and we have been on alert in our area due to women BEING RAPED AND ATTACKED.,

Not urban MYTHS WOMENS hellish REALITY.

Nice that some posters live in airy fairy land where nothing bad every happens

I agree Nancy. It's not that I think any man is an attacker, it's that because I'm a woman, I am aware that this is something that happens and so if a man approaches me and there's nobody else around, there is a part of me that thinks 'this could be the time'. I make small adjustments to my behaviour day to day because of this fact. None of this causes me undue distress or ruins my life, but it's a fact, because it DOES happen. And I think it's entirely reasonable to expect men to also admit that it does happen, and make small, polite adjustments to their behaviour, just as I do.

And to the person above asking how old a girl has to be before a man can ask for directions? Well, he can ask whoever he wants whenever he wants. But OPs daughter, even if she looked a bit older, presumably still looked like what she was - a young girl walking to school. And surely an adult male should be able to consider that the sum of 'deserted street+adult male+school age girl' MIGHT seem a little threatening to the girl. I personally think it would be polite to keep walking for a minute until he sees an adult, or finds a corner shop or something.

I'm curious as to whether it would be acceptable for an adult woman, to stop and ask a schoolboy for directions, or whether the same caution applies?

What seems to be quite shocking from this thread is that only one poster claims never to have been sexually harassed, groped, flashed or followed by a dodgy car.

My dh would happily stay lost for hours rather than ask anyone at all for directions
same here !

celtic - why was it being horrible? Surely if OP is worried about her daughter being alone on the street then don't let her be alone, I.e is there another route she could take?

I'm not quite sure how that warrants me posting something horrid and you thinking I should be reported.

celtic - why was it being horrible? Surely if OP is worried about her daughter being alone on the street then don't let her be alone, I.e is there another route she could take?

I'm not quite sure how that warrants me posting something horrid and you thinking I should be reported.

Yeah, it's not like men should correct their behaviour at all...

Well that's a sweeping statement.

And the posts about male beggars only asking men for money was ludicrous.

i think people are being a bit harsh

Men will often use the pretext of "where am I" etc to stop and make contact with a female

Its the fact she felt uncomfortable thats the issue- and the Alice Ross story has been everywhere too

and honestly, I cant see my DP stopping and talking to a young girl if he was lost- seriously I think he would feel awkward

Tess - I have taught my DS not to interact with anyone who pulls up in a car, the gender of the person/people in the car is irrelevant.

"What seems to be quite shocking from this thread is that only one poster claims never to have been sexually harassed, groped, flashed or followed by a dodgy car"

YES and YES!! when I was the OPs daughters age I got a lot of unwanted attention (its stopped now I am 40 hahaha) and I got very anxious. In your mind you are a 13/14 year old yet some wankstains relate to you as a sexual being. Its very discomfiting

I find it really sad that a young woman reports feeling nervous to her mother, and people post these incredible scathing and sarcastic comments

I think that there needs to be a good balance when teaching children to be aware of strangers.

You are being unreasonable to suggest men should avoid children and young women. Just because male predators are more common than female doesn't mean that most men are creeps!

Your daughter was not being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable. She is just a child, but perhaps she isn't quite ready to venture out alone?

Surely drumming into a child that men in general are a potential danger is going to be quite damaging in the long term?

but I dont think its the "asking directions" issue- its the man who asked IMO

had a respectable pensioner asked her, she would maybe not have felt scared?

My guess is there was something in this mans demanour that scared her, and thats NOT unreasonable. and its good that she feels like she can discuss it.