To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

Don't you think it would be a good thing if 99% of teenaged girls' interactions with men were harmless ones, such as someone innocently asking for directions?

As it is the vast majority of decent men, who would never be rude to a teenaged girl are afraid to talk to them because men are intimidating or threatening. The only men who approach teenaged girls are now creepy perverts, who are not going to change their behaviour because they are evil arseholes.

I think nice men should have normal interactions with women of all ages, so that women aren't left feeling like all men are scary creeps.

Slightly cloud cuckoo land there Clara. Back to the real world, usually when a man approaches a lone teenage girl it is so he can be abusive/pervy. This is fact IME and IMO. Therefore its right that normal men don't approach girls on their own where they can avoid it to minimise the heart sinking panic that many teenage girls feel when approached by a random male.

99% of teenage girls interactions with men are harmless though. And I'm pretty sure not many women think all men are scary creeps. In my experience we're often quite astute judges, of who is, and is not, a scary creep.

Oh, and BuffyBot, yes I think you're right about the entitlement being more the actual explanation, and it is gross - and more widespread/insidious than outright creeping.

Men can have normal interactions with women of all ages, of course they can Approaching a lone woman on a deserted street (or in this particular instance, a young schoolgirl) doesn't really come under that heading, does it?
It's not necessary nor particularly desirable. Making what you call "normal" men appear less threatening isn't exactly helpful as obviously they aren't the problem; the not so normal ones don't wear signs on their foreheads to warn the unwary.

I can see why your dd was wary and it's good she phoned you to seek reassurance.

I know my own dp wouldn't approach a young girl in this situation, he is wary like many are off offering assistance to young children etc incase anyone thinks the worst, esp as it could have repercussions for his job (works in child protection).

But can I ask at what age should a boy stop asking directions or for help? I tell my boys if they get lost to go to a shop or ask a woman with children. But my teen is now almost 6ft and I guess could look intimidating to some. He is 15, I doubt he would ask a younger child fir help but he would ask a girl his age...

Also my ds2 (12) is brilliant with little kids, wherever he goes he is like the pied piper kids just flock to him yet at some point he will be viewed as potentially a threat/scary. Which given he is a kind, empathetic child who just loves little kids is sad. Ie if a child falls over or is upset he us always first their to check they are ok. He is frequently praised for his caring nature and the way he looks out for others. At the moment he is small and slight and young for his age. At some point he won't be and his caring nature will remain the same but he may still be viewed as s threat/danger. I guess he will just learn to judge situations.

Maybe this msn misjudged the situation. Was he actually in a car btw?

I hate that sort if attitude.
No man should go and ask direction to a child
Seriously?? And at the same we would like these men to be more hands on, sirens more time with their kids, participate in organising the latest party but we don't think we can trust them enough to be allowed to ask for directions????

What sort of world are we living in where you can't trust anyone at all?

Pots

1. Please RTFT. Or skim it.

1. This isn't about men with their kids and you know it.

99% of teenage girls interactions with men are harmless though. Are they? 99 out of 100 of a teenage girls interactions with men are pleasant and without any kind of undertone? Wow. I couldn't even say that, and I'm 38. I certainly couldn't say it when I was a teenager.

Even this morning - the postman looked delighted to catch me in my dressing gown and was blatantly staring at my (covered) chest and crotch areas until I finished signing for a parcel. But to be fair, the courier who knocked an hour later didn't even make eye contact. So 50% of this 30-somethings interactions with men have been harmless so far today!

Though they have already been answered brilliantly, I am so disheartened by many of the early comments. Don't we always say that intuition is important? This girl was made nervous by the encounter and called her mother for reassurance - for all we know there was something in the way he approached her, looked at her or spoke to her that made her uncomfortable. But the early consensus was that she and her mother were being ridiculous... I don't know why some male misogynists feel threatened by Mumsnet. There are plenty of women happy to do their dirty work for them.

Good grief - YAB totally U and if you're that worried about her being on a 'deserted street' (which clearly is the reason the man asked an 11 year old rather than an adult) then you should be walking with her.

...Your dds reaction was totally correct however - ring mum if in doubt.

Yeah I did wonder about the stat! Maybe more like 90. I mean, taking into account all the men a girl comes into contact with over the course of a day, including friends, relatives, men in shops etc etc. I just meant - a teenage girl comes into contact with a lot of men, and there's plenty of 'nice man interacting' going on without men feeling the need to take it upon themselves to chat to random teenage girls just to prove that they're 'nice'.

BuffyBotRebooted Tue 07-Oct-14 11:34:29

yes yes.

My auntie was pregnant and in her twenties when a man stopped on road and asked for directions
She replied and he said I've got a map here can you show me ?
She leant over , he stabbed a screwdriver in her hand dragged her in the car
Took her to somewhere raped her and then chucked her out the car naked
Please just be aware

An African American man has a 1 in 3 chance of spending some time in prison.

When I see an African American man, am I justifiably anxious because there is a 1 in 3 chance I am approaching a criminal?

Should a black man never talk to anyone because the odds are that he will make them anxious?

African American is not a term we use in the UK. African American is by its name an American term. West Indian, African, mixed race, black are some of the terms we use in the UK.

Did I miss something on the thread? Does it matter if he was a white or a black man who asked for directions?

No, it doesn't matter what colour a person is. I was just responding to the terms used by claraschu to describe ethnic minority males. Her stats are useless anyway as even if one third of black males have spent some time in prison it doesn't take account of the fact that factors such as institutional racism have an impact on prison statistics. It also doesn't indicate whether black males are statistically more likely to commit the types of offences that this thread is about.
Claraschu is just throwing about useless statistics and not even using appropriate terminology to describe people.

murphys - it does not. In the slightest.