This thread brings back so many bad memories of being a teenager. As a woman I am lucky to have got to adulthood without being raped, assaulted, groped or harmed. But oh, I wish that more men would understand the general level of threat, invasion of privacy and subordination of your own interests which teenage girls experience on a daily basis.
I still remember being a fourteen year old girl in school uniform, approached by a london underground ticket inspector when i got off the tube who asked to see my ticket, and then followed me out of the station, saying that he wanted to "chat me up". I remember trying to ignore him as I waited at the bus stop, my heart sinking as he followed me onto the bus, and then a few stops later jumping off a moving bus to get away from him.
I still remember being a twelve year old girl on a flight with my mother. I was in the middle seat, some middle aged bloke on my left. Mum got up to go to the loo and bloke leant over to say "I bet we can trick some of the stewardesses into thinking your my wife. How about it?". (I have no idea what he meant by that, but we can all agree that it isn't a normal thing to say, and there is a sexual undertone to it and who the fuck says that to a teenage girl.)
I still remember being a sixteen year old girl on a summer music camp and two of the male instructors coming on to me. I remember one of them persuading me to dance with them, and placing his hand in the small of my back. I remember him rubbing it and telling me off for being too tense, and my wanting to sink through the ground.
You know what's interesting about all three of these stories? That I didn't tell anyone at the time, and I didn't make a fuss at the time. I didn't say to the bus full of people in the first example "I am an underage girl who has been followed onto this bus by a middle aged man and I don't like it, please help." I jumped off a moving bus instead! I didn't tell the man in the second example to shut up you freak, or tell a stewardess or my mum. I just focused very hard on my book for the rest of the flight.
Do you know why I didn't stand up for myself in these instances, or tell anyone? Well, first because I thought that I might be being ridiculous. That it could be my fault for being too neurotic. (Because women are taught to internalise things, and to think of themselves as neurotic). Second, I was worried that if I did tell someone, my parents might not allow me important freedoms such as going home from school by myself or going to music camp. And third, I just didn't know how to complain - because young women aren't taught this. And we aren't taught how our needs and our safety are more important than being polite.
I would really like the men reading this thread, and the women concerned about their feelings, to read this and think about it. Against my sort of background - which is actually, extremely mild compared to what a lot of women go through - is it any wonder that your approach however benignly intended will not be interpreted that way? And does it really cost you anything to wait until you see an adult, or a feckin shop, to ask for directions?
And can you really not see that there is a difference between approaching a young woman to ask for directions, and calling an ambulance when one has been hit?