To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

YY Boulevard I think that bringing it out into the open, how appallingly common this is, how it starts at such a young age etc is the only way to move forward against this insidious behaviour.

Women and girls aren't going to be able to do much about it by ourselves, we need everyday men to understand and believe that it happens and speak out against it / support women who try to take action to reduce it etc.

Yes, but that's all boring when you could be looking at the tits on that.

I remember DH's first moment... I was going to a gig by myself, he asked me what I was going to wear, I said jeans & T-shirt.

He said: why don't you wear what you wore last time? [short kilt, high boots]
Me: Yeah, right, a skirt?! I'm standing this time! I'll be in the pit.
DH: Er, so?
Me: So... well, someone will have their hand up it at some point, of course
DH: Why would they do that?!!
Me: Er... because it's there?

To be fair, 'why' is not a question I'd ever considered. I'd just accepted random groping as a fact of life. It is worth asking though...

But it was interesting to get an insight into the mind of someone who assumes they can go where they want, wear what they want etc, without anyone grabbing their crotch; ie a bloke.

OP, you say this isn't a place for judgment, but it is a forum called 'Am I Being Unreasonable?'. The only logical response can be a judgment, and your initial question was asking for exactly that.

I compared it to race, because the paranoia that you describe is based on the same kind of prejudice/generalisation that makes so many white people so terrified of black people on the street. It's entirely unreasonable to expect others to modify their entirely normal and innocent behaviour because of your own psychological problems.

It actually reminds me of the insistence by certain Muslim men that woman should be veiled, so as not to tempt poor, hapless men into lusting after them. Another case of projection and passive aggression to try to force other sections of the community to comply to some people's bonkers views.

Get a grip and chill out. And teach your daughter that people are generally decent, and that it's not useful to judge and jump to assumptions based on a person's appearance or characteristics.

Teach an 11 year old girl not to give her mum a quick call for reassurance when something unexpected happens?

FFS, babycham, it's not like OP's DD yelled insults at the man whilst pelting him with stones. She felt uneasy and called her mum to check. Doubt the man gave it a second thought, if he was just a regular guy, or thought any of the things you've decided to feel on his behalf.

Damn you Buffy and your succinct posts!

Babycham I was expecting judgement on my opinion - not on me. There is a big difference.
I asked whether I was being unreasonable, not whether I should be ashamed of myself.
I am genuinely baffled as to how you think what you are describing is in any way similar or relevant to the situation which I have described.

Buffy YES!

YANBU, OP. Any grown man with an ounce of common sense would not stop and ask a young girl for directions. It has absolutely nothing to do with sexism...loads of kids have been lured into cars this way . If you're an adult and you're lost, stop at a gas station, ask another adult (who is far more likely to know than a pre-teen anyway), use your GPS or a map. No reason whatsoever to stop and ask a statistically vulnerable child or lone female.

Just wrote a long post and then deleted it. Because I couldn't be bothered.

Babycham your post is very silly.

I was hitherto unaware that one of the world's most oppressive groups was, in fact, 11 yo girls. Disgusting the way they abuse adult men by politely not giving them directions and then going somewhere else. The bastards. Right up there with IS and the Ku Klux Klan.

I think that post deserves an eyebrow, quite frankly.

Babycham - it's late, the kids have been ill for days, I can't be arsed advanced searching you to find out if you have a habit of... inflammatory posting.

You genuinely never got harassed as a teenager? You have no idea what we are talking about?

Your post about the pit BoulevardOfBrokenSleep, reminded me of a youtube video I saw recently. Basically a young girl crowd surfing and being sexually violated by the people passing her about. Just. Because. They. Could.

The lead singer of the band saw what was going on and stopped the concert to give them all a bollicking. Will try and find it, dreadful stuff.

Found it

Of course they may be nice, they be may be completely innocent. But ime, they never ever are. Like a pp said, it never rarely ends well.

Sabrina, this is desperately sad. I've had at least my share of assaults, harassment, robberies & rapes, but have also had many, many more harmless interactions with strangers. Some have even been downright pleasant! I'm so sorry your experience has been this negative.

Before anyone tries to make me a poster girl old woman for Talking Merrily To Strangers - I am always cautious, sometimes confrontational, and do keep my distance at first (but have still succumbed to bad intent.) It's just stupid not to be cautious of people you don't know. But also very limiting to be frightened of everyone.

I can't think why a person, who needed to ask directions from the only other human on an empty street, wouldn't do so from a safe distance. I would! If he went running right up to her, or was crawling his car level with her, then he had lousy boundaries at the very best.

Yanbu.....in a perfect world I'd say yabu but the fact that your dd was unsettled was enough. The man was probably perfectly harmless but then again he might not have been. There's nothing wrong with being on your guard. The fact remains that there are lots of people out there who should not be out in the community and are a danger to people. Your dd wasn't to know if this man had any ulterior motives.

Sorry garlic, I don't mean all my interactions with strangers have been bad

I was talking about scenarios as the OP described - men coming up to me when alone and "asking directions." Ie. being accosted by men in deserted places. Particularly as a young girl.

I was socialised to be polite to grown-ups - I had a very mc naice upbringing. The number of times I remember a bloke (or more frighteningly a group of blokes) trying to strike up a "friendly" conversation with me, I always politely responded to them. It was always, and I mean always, not what it seemed. It always got personal, and sexual within a few exchanges.

I'm sorry, I'm talking school age here - and ime decent men don't accost school girls in the street.

Like I say, I think I've got one of those faces. I've had my experiences minimised on MN before (mostly by men) and it's not a nice experience. I'm not a drama queen, I'm not overly scared of strangers - these are just things that happened to me. I did spend quite a bit of time walking around/taking public transport when I was younger though - for various reasons.

To those who agree with the OP, I'm a man and I promise that if I see your DDs injured or in danger I will walk right past in keeping with your idea of what's right.

Last thing I'd want to do is 'accost' a child.

Very intelligent, Backonlybriefly.

Well, for what it's worth, Sabrinnnnnna, I have found your input very valuable. Thanks!

Thanks solo.

Solo, I thought you were given a very hard time at the beginning of this thread, sometimes MN is like that. YWNBU imo.

I wouldn't want anyone to walk past my DD - or anyone else's - if they were in trouble. That wasn't the case though.
I also didn't say that she had been accosted.
All things being equal though, if you want directions, maybe it would be better if you don't ask her. That's what I thought this morning, and having read all the responses here, I still think the same - although it's clear that not everyone agrees with me.
I don't see any reason for you to be affronted by that though.

Sabrinnnnnnnna what's wrong with it? I can't go near a child even to help one because 'everyone knows' that all men are evil.

Those gut feelings can't be wrong you know. The most intelligent part of the average person is their colon.