To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

So to turn this round, suppose your child in this deserted street had been mugged and left stabbed and bleeding, would you want a man happening on her to walk on by?

I feel deeply, deeply sorry for the people (and the men they know!) who think men are unable to tell the difference between 'I am alone on the street with an 11 year old girl who may feel somewhat apprehensive if I approach her at random' and 'that 11 year old girl has been stabbed and needs medical attention'.

Would you let your son's car be repaired by a female mechanic?

A: No way! I would only use a male-staffed garage.

B: No. Female mechanics have a history of relieving less training than male mechanics.

C. When I was 18, a female mechanic fixed my friend's car. She intentionally cut the brakes and he died.

D. There isn't enough evidence to decide if female mechanics are just as good as male mechanics.

E. Yes, why not?

solongsolong if the man was in fact on foot, then please think about tomorrow and the next day if your DD will be on the same stretch of empty road at the same time. He probably was someone lost and will never be there again but he just might be local and have now clocked your DD. Not wanting to frighten you but please make sure your DD knows what to do if she sees him again approaching her....

I live in London (always have) and also remember being regularly flashed at on my walk to school (TBH I thought it was normal), a man in a white van has tried to snatch my DD (aged 17) and she is endlessly wolfwhistled and asked for her number. I also had a van driver ask me and a young DD to get into his van to look at his mate who was ill. When I said I wouldn't but would get them a doctor, he became very abusive and threatening - the more he wanted us to get into his van, the less I wanted to, and I was a grown woman. An 11 year old needs to start learning to be street smart if she lives in London. This is a great chance for the Op to talk to her DD about what to do in various situations - running if poss, and making a very loud noise and fuss early on in the encounter are good strategies, but to have the confidence to do this you will need to reassure her that it is okay to be RUDE to male strangers approaching her.

shaska I agree absolutely with you

Well personally I'd be, in general, suspicious of men in situations like that. Entirely from my lived experience. In fact, I used to bring my hockey stick to school every day because there often used to be a man waiting and following me as I walked home. I'd be hugely distressed by the time I got there. The man who asked me for directions was masturbating in his car. Just two instances in my school uniform. Random men can keep their distance as far as I'm concerned. I've no sympathy if that seems harsh, either. No good or even neutral has ever come from a chance encounter with a man in my life.

Completely agree with Nameexchange. I am also from London and was often approached for my number when I was in my late teens. Many of these men view politeness as a 'come on'. Sad but true.

Actually, OP even if the man was in a car then it is also worth talking to your DD about what to do if he approaches her again (in this case I would say run in opp direction from the one the car is facing in, shouting loudly to attract attention to the situation, as the same man would be unlikely to be lost twice in the same district).

YANBU. I just wouldn't ask a child for directions from a car, school uniform or not.

I was taught to always keep going and say I can't help as a child, regardless of whether it was a man or woman behind the wheel. DM used to say adults should be able to look after themselves without asking for a childs help and, tbh, I'm inclined to agree with her. Maybe it was/is stranger danger overkill but I will teach my children the same.

As a teen walking to school I was cat called and once wanked at. Amongst my female friends these types of experiences (when we were younger) were not uncommon.

As a middle aged dad to 2DD (13&11), I am wondering about this.

If I was on my own, in a car, I would never slow down to any female regardless of what innocent question I may have.

If I were walking on an unlit street I would (and have) crossed the road in the hope that this might offer a small signal that I am harmless.

With my own DD's; it's such a tricky question. We live overseas, the younger DD expresses no worries about... well, anything really. In England, DD will not go to the bus station on her own. She would be polite to a stranger, but may well phone us for reassurance

I wouldn't ask a child of that age for directions - and I'm sorry to say that that is for my own defence.

Of course if I call Excuse me to what I think is an adult and s/he turns round and turns out to be a tall child with an overcoat over the school uniform, I suppose I would then ask. I'm not sure how I would play it.

Nor am I sure when for these purposes childhood ends.

I try to avoid walking behind a lone woman at night, but then at 62, specs and slight of build, I try to avoid being out alone in the first place. I once found myself behind a woman late at night when there was no pavement on the other side of the road, and decided the least worst option was to hurry past her and get well ahead of her - she might be concerned for a moment while I approached but that was better than keeping her worried for longer by staying behind her. Was I right, ladies?

If I were walking on an unlit street I would (and have) crossed the road in the hope that this might offer a small signal that I am harmless

I really like this....My dad used to do the same thing.

Yes, you were right, Andrew

I was taught to always keep going and say I can't help as a child, regardless of whether it was a man or woman behind the wheel. DM used to say adults should be able to look after themselves without asking for a childs help and, tbh, I'm inclined to agree with her.

Me too.

We have no idea in what manner this man asked for directions from this 11yr old schoolgirl, whether he was genuinely lost or whether (as in so many cases) he was using it as an excuse to strike up a conversation with her. But we know she was sufficiently alarmed to call her mother afterwards.

I can't imagine any situation where I would ask a lone school child (boy or girl) on a deserted street for directions. If I did, I would expect them to ignore me and hurry on tbh.

How many posters think that a woman should not ask a child for directions if there is nobody else about? I don't drive, I am 60 and I don't have a mobile phone of any type, let alone a smartphone. This is a serious, not goady, question as I do like to go for long walks when I feel well enough and am prone to 'explore' by going on unfamiliar routes.

Cross-posted with Sabrinnnnnnnna who, certainly thinks that a woman should equally not speak to a child. I hate the thought that even an old woman (like me) would be terrifying.

My Dad once witnessed two women being mugged in a park - he was in his car driving through the park and saw the mugger running off. He drove after the mugger but lost him when the mugger ran off into the trees. My Dad circled back round the park and came back to the ladies and wound down the window to say he had seen what happened and would they like a lift to the police station/a witness statement, whatever.

Before he could get any words out, they shouted at him to eff off. And he got it totally. No "poor menz" attitude. He wanted to help but understood why he, in his car, in a park with two women alone, was not the right person. If the worst thing that men ever have to put up with is that women aren't automatically relaxed with them as strangers on the street, then that's just too bad. Most men are grown up enough and nice enough to understand why this is the case.

ideally, i would not approach a child on their own to ask for directions, no. i might approach them through concern for their well being eg if crying or looking lost, but, no generally adults dont need to rely on lone children for directions

"but, no generally adults dont need to rely on lone children for directions"

Of any age? Teenagers?

Gruntfuttock o/t but seeing your nickname and now your age - am I in the presence of another one who listened to the unforgettable and evergreen Round the Horne when it was new?

just use your common sense i suppose
a lone child or early teen might be frightened. why would you do something that might frighten a child? or that makes them do something they have been taught not to do ie ' dont talk to strangers'

My dh refused to take the kids to the playground on his own when they were younger, he said that he was worried that people would think a man hanging around the playground was odd - I thought that he was over reacting, perhaps not

Why would you need to approach a child, gruntfuttock?

I do think a 60yr old woman is an awful lot less threatening to a child than a young adult male - but anyway.