To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

I've also walked a Year 7 to his house after he panicked as it was his first day at high school and he couldn't remember which way to go. Was that inappropriate?

Of course not It was lovely. I would do the same.

There's a difference between asking for help from a child, and offering help.

'just use your common sense i suppose
a lone child or early teen might be frightened. why would you do something that might frighten a child?'

why on earth would they be frightened by someone asking (for example)where the post office is?

honestly, moaningminnie, you need to ask?

because it is a way to get physically close to someone and then physically hurt them

many parents teach their children variations of 'stranger danger'. why would you deliberately undermine that by asking a child when you dont have to? what child knows where the post office is in any case?

even putting all that aside, many children are naturally wary of strange adults anyway.

i really dont see why you would do something knowing it might make a child feel uncomfortable. it is just rude, apart from anything else

Andrewofgg "Gruntfuttock o/t but seeing your nickname and now your age - am I in the presence of another one who listened to the unforgettable and evergreen Round the Horne when it was new?"

Yes, it was always on when we sat down to Sunday lunch. I still think of it whenever I nadger my cordwangle, me deario.

If as a teen a car drew up alongside me with a lone man in it it on an empty street my experience has taught me that means trouble. Sorry but there you go. If he seemed normal and then asked where the post office was ok but I would have been poised for fight or flight, heart rate up and would really rather of preferred him to ask someone else or use his sodding sat nav to have spared me the stress.

Gruntfuttock - given that everyone who's unexpectedly shown my their genitals, tried to make me get in their car, or commented randomly on my tits or arse has been male, I do find women less threatening and wouldn't be surprised if my DDs had the same view. But I don't know - I guess it's like sanfairyanne said, it's just common sense, and different in all situations.

Mrsstarlord - I don't know about other people but I have never thought twice about men at playgrounds with children, and I don't see it as a similar thing to what's being discussed here at all.

I'm Julian and this is my friend Sandy - they'd never get away with it now. I don't think the top brass at the Beeb understood it.

All right: hijack over!

moaningminnie an potential attacker wont start a conversation with "I am going to attack you". He will start it with "Hey, I'm lost. Can you help point to where I am on the map?" and use that as an excuse to get physically close. Or "can you jump in and show me and I'll drop you off at school on the way?". Or "I am looking for my lost puppy - i think he went into that bush over there." Can't think why anyone would be frightened by someone genuinely looking for a lost puppy but the problem is you can't tell them apart from the ones pretending to be looking for a lost puppy. Ditto asking where the post office is. i am guessing you live in the middle of somewhere lovely like Cumbria?

I havent Shaska, it was something which he used to say and as I say I thought he was overreacting but given that the OP was concerned about someone asking for directions perhaps there are people who are that suspicious of peoples motives.

"Why would you need to approach a child, gruntfuttock?"

Well, it's extremely unlikely that I would, to be frank. I have frequently encountered teenagers walking home from school (they're in uniform) when walking in a local nature reserve which has numerous footpaths leading to various roads. I can just about imagine wanting to check I'm heading on the right footpath I suppose, although I have a very good sense of direction.

My question was more out of curiosity about attitudes than something I actually expect to do in the future. Some paths get very muddy if there's been recent rain and I might want to take an alternative one if I know the one I'm on is practically impassable further on. I will make sure to wait until I saw an adult dog walker rather than traumatise a teenager by speaking. Let's face it, them seeing my old face will be upsetting enough.

Sorry for rambling (no pun intended)

I guess it just wouldn't occur to me that a regular man with children at a playground would be up to something weird, it's not part of my 'range of weird/threatening behaviours' radar, where men approaching women (especially very young women) who are alone sort of is, in a low grade way. Not that I think every man who approaches a lone woman is suspicious, just that I'm conditioned to be aware that that's possible.

So for me I think your DH is totally overreacting - but who knows, maybe you're right and others feel differently. But then... how does one get rid of everyone for an hour if you can't send them all to the playground?

Sorry to be horribly sexist but I would be fine with a woman asking directions just not a lone man due to past experience

Sorry to be horribly sexist but I would be fine with a woman asking directions

Rose west. This is how they lured some victims in.

I have had similar experiences, Kerala. Too many to count, unfortunately. I have been subjected to much street harassment (and even sexual assault) by men on the street as a young girl and growing up. I don't remember being an especially beautiful young girl to have attracted so much attention - and from talking to friends they have experienced similar.

When I was at Uni, a man sidled up to me in a car park, and said "do you know where I can get a massage around here, I'm so stiff ?" and continued to leer at me. By that time I was a bit more brazen and confident, and gave him detailed directions to the high street in a loud cheery voice. And watched the smile melt off his face.

I do get asked for directions a lot -I must just have one of those faces- and I immediately do what a pp said, take a step back, then look around. Too many weirdos around.

YANBU I know what you are saying, people should be aware that teens feel vulnerable and should ask someone else.

This happened to me when I was 14 and wearing my school uniform. A man drew up in a car beside me and asked for directions. I just shouted that I didn't know and kept on walking. Most likely he was not trying anything BUT he should have not put me in that position of feeling threatened.

yes, Rose West, Myra Hindley

it is better to not encourage kids/teens/ even adults to be too binary 'men dangerous, women safe'

gruntfuttock, I do feel a bit bad now, but just as I tell my dc not to talk to strangers, I would really appreciate adults not approaching my children, even in innocence. When I'm with then - no problem - but when they're alone - No.

I had a van full of men hoot and leer at me as I was getting my daughter out the car the other day. I'm 43, she's nearly 7 (also tall for age, with very long hair). I'm horrified to say, I'm not even sure which one of us they were hooting at. Men have made comments about her before.

I think it's getting worse for young girls, not better.

Me walking with my 23 yr old daughter. Still frightening? More frightening because there are two of us? We wouldn't be asking for directions in that case as she has a smartphone, but still might want to know about impending muddiness.

I suppose we could be murdering psychopaths hunting in pairs. But we could do that without speaking to our 'victims', so just our existence could be threatening. I think I'll stay in. This is certainly a fascinating and informative thread.

So the girl is 11 but looks older. At what apparent age are men allowed to ask girls for directions?

why the mockery, gruntfuttock?

honestly, AgaPanthers, i see no need for a man to ever need to ask a lone teenage girl (or boy but boys of course are generally over confident, therefore actually most at risk of assault) for directions
why would they?

Gruntfuttock just use your noddle. You would be fine asking directions from a 15 yo boy who was bigger, stronger and fitter than you as he is very unlikely to be scared. But you might not want to ask an 11 yo girl in school uniform on a deserted street. I don't think you are likely to be lost for long if you always wait for an adult before asking directions, actually.

It's about putting yourself in someone else's place and imagining how they might feel. If you are a little old lady (sorry, I don't know you and I'm not being offensive as that description probably covers me myself) then it is unlikely that anyone would feel threatened by you and you can ask away. Why don't you go out with a map though if you often get lost?

So the girl is 11 but looks older. At what apparent age are men allowed to ask girls for directions?

After all, she might even be 13 so that's fine, it has a teen in it so clearly fine.

How old could an 11 year old possibly look?

gruntfuttock, just on the offchance

you are probably not scary sorry. i dont think i can remember a case of an elderly lady being used to entice children. usually it was girlfriends/wives below 40

it is more about mixed messages

so, at an age where children can understand that you are not a risk but another adult might be, that is the age you wont be frightening them. sorry, every child is different so i cant say what age that is

of course, you are then entering a dangerous situation yourself, approaching strange teens while you are alone in a wood, for instance

but it sounds like you live somewhere quite safe and rural? otherwise you would surely know all this stuff already?

"At what apparent age are men allowed to ask girls for directions?"

Well, they can ask whoever they want, but they should be aware that if they approach a lone female in a quiet place, she's probably going to view them as a potential threat. Rightly so IMO and IME.