To think that if you are a man you shouldn't stop a school girl on a deserted street to ask for directions

[solosolong]

Just that really. DD is in year 7 (although she is tall so looks a bit older) and leaves for school early when there aren't many people around. She called on her way in this morning to say that she was feeling a bit nervous because a man had just stopped her to ask for directions.
I'm sure there was nothing dodgy about it but AIBU to think that as a man on your own it wouldn't take much imagination to think that a young school girl will have been told not to talk to strangers and may be scared if you stop to talk to her?
I am interested to know what others think.

I walked a mile to and from school from 11 - 18. Pretty much every week we got some sort of negative "attention" from men in cars so forgive me if I am not overly concerned with their feelings.

My most memorable occasion a van parked outside my house and a big bearded man wanked at me as I went up my front path. I told my mother I had been flashed at and she was very dismissive and not that interested. I was slightly hurt but there you go. We talked about it recently and turned out she had thought someone had flashed their LIGHTS at me and was horrified by the reality and her reaction to it!

shaska Mon 06-Oct-14 14:09:19

Totally agree.

kerala same here. Your poor mum!!

Surely drumming into a child that men in general are a potential danger is going to be quite damaging in the long term?

Not really, just realistic because a small but significant number are a potential danger or at least a fucking pest.

Locally there was a story only yesterday about someone 'performing a sex act' on a train in front of a teenage girl.

To people suggesting perhaps they aren't old enough to go out alone, how do you expect them to get to school exactly?

It is quite shocking to learn that you are suddenly now a sex object at the age of 12/13 but it doesn't mean you should stay in because a few men are complete dickstains.

The OP's daughter did the right thing and told her mum about something which made her uncomfortable.

Blimey there are some funny reactions on this thread.

Absolutely fine that people have different opinions- that's what a discussion board is all about, surely, but Celtic wanting to report someone for a perfectly valid suggestion!!! How odd. There was nothing disgusting about it at all, (as demonstrated by the fact it's not been moderated). Just an opinion you don't agree with.

Then the poster who can't believe that another poster hasn't been flashed at, or sexually assaulted. Erm... in my world, that's pretty normal. I'd suggest that most women haven't been sexually assaulted or flashed at. Even if you unfortunately in that category, then I don't see why you would disbelieve a poster who is.

Then sarky comments suggestion "men should correct their behaviour" -er - as far as the OP is aware, there was a man on a street with not many other people about, who was lost, so he asked the other person who was there if they knew where a place was. That is a perfectly normal thing to do in my world and there is nothing in that behaviour that needs 'correcting'.

How do you leap from being a local person who might know where somewhere is, to being "a sex object at the age of 12/13", pearpotter ?

So many people are putting their own interpretation on this non-incident, it's untrue.

Your DD did the right thing in ringing you if she felt uncomfortable. Developing her own radar for weirdness is part of growing up.

However if I was stuck on a street of all house names & couldn't find the one I wanted I would not think twice about asking an 11 yr old boy or girl for directions. YABU to suggest all men should never ask directions from a girl.

I am ashamed to be a MNetter right now. This thread is disgusting.

I'm with you OP. It's a funny one, agree with vermillions comments.

Yanbu....I don't know any men who would ask for directions in those circumstances.... Actually I don't know any men who would ask for directions from anyone!

Asking someone for directions IS a perfectly normal thing to do. And I definitely don't think, and don't think the OP thinks, that this was an 'incident' or that any damage has been done to her DD, or that the man did anything wrong.

But I think a lot of people, including me, understand why being approached by a man on an empty street might've made the DD feel a little bit nervous. And I don't think it's unreasonable to say that if the man had thought about it, he might've been able to predict that, and could perhaps have waited to ask another adult. Not to expect him to do that, or to blame him for not, but to say that perhaps that would've been the politer thing to do.

Shaska thanks - that pretty much sums up exactly what I do think.

amicissimma - along with quite a few others - that is a complete exaggeration. But actually, yes, I would prefer for her to be prepared for any threat and pleasantly surprised when something passes without incident, than to be living in cloud cuckoo land and have an unpleasant shock. My DD does not think that any approach is a threat. She is not in any way a nervous child. She is rightly wary of unknown men when there is no one else in sight. And so am I.

This does not mean that either of us spends sleepless nights worrying about it, or lets it affect the way we go about our daily business. It just means we are aware of it. I think this is just common sense.

Any approach in an otherwise deserted area has the potential to be a threat, does it not? Sadly; by the time it's "proven otherwise", it's too late...
If women have to think like this, it's not beyond men to understand that.

Fact is that even if it is a completely genuine request for directions, many men would realise that leaning out of a car window talking to a girl alone in school uniform looks dodgy, and she may feel intimidated.

Well, as I have clearly led a very sheltered life I am grateful to everyone who has shared their experiences on this thread as it will certainly inform how I prepare my DCs for increasing independence.

thinking about this, i would be fine telling my dd to be v suspicious of requests for directions from men

men never ask for directions if genuinely lost!

fromparistoberlin73 "had a respectable pensioner asked her, she would maybe not have felt scared?"

I'm interested in this sentence, because I asked my husband, who is 68, whether he would have asked a girl of about 12 for directions if there was nobody else to ask, and he said "probably" (looking a bit non-plussed - although he knew it was re. a thread on here). Now I know that he is a rspectable pensioner, but would the girl? How do you tell which pensioner is respectable and which isn't?

I also believe it is important to teach our children that they do not have to comply with a strangers requests nor be polite to them if they feel threatened or scared in a particular situation.

formerbabe we don't know - because the OP doesn't know - whether the man was in a car or on foot.

men never ask for directions if genuinely lost!

Not true. My husband does.

Right, I must be extremely weird then.

Because if I was walking down a deserted street, alone, and a man stopped and started to talk to me, I would not be thinking, "How nice! A chance to make a new friend! I'm absolutely certain this encounter will end well!"

All you posters horrified at the fear of the poor menz would be fine with that? No increase in heart rate? No sussing out possible escape routes?

There have been two stranger rapes in broad daylight recently locally. I reserve the right to be alert.

not only a man who will admit he is lost (ok, there are a few such as gruntfuttocks dh) but also one without a smartphone

might fit the profile of my grandad but not many other men

and then, there happens to only be a young school girl to ask...

poor maligned unfortunate technophobe new age man

I prefer to teach my children to be wary of any stranger who may approach them, when they're alone, regardless of gender.

Females can be, and indeed have been, used to lure children into (or near) cars because they're seen as being trustworthy.

I know it's rare, but if the message is "better safe than sorry," surely the same applies whether the stranger is male or female?!

I hope in regards to my children, I'm teaching them to be wary, but not be paranoid everyone is out to get them!