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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Want to Complain(& to think DH handled this like a wuss]

181 replies

RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:26

Or am I over reacting because DD is already having a really tough time & just didn't need this upset too Confused

As her 12th birthday treat DD wanted a day of shopping with her best friend, including a meal in her favourite pizza place & then onto the cinema.

Sadly due to health problems, they were both too exhausted & overwhelmed by shopping in town on a Saturday - so they skipped the meal & headed home to chill out to recharge for the cinema instead (bizarrely not only do they share a less than common name, they both share the same health condition, which includes CFS & anxiety as symptoms :( )

They are both very sensible, mature 12 yr olds, who look & act older

On proudly arriving at the cinema to see a 12A film on their own, they were refused entry & told they need proof of age - nothing on the cinemas website or notice board says proof of age needed for a 12A, (only 15 & 18 - which is fair enough) SM was quite happy to take their money for over priced popcorn & drinks though, but not for cinema ticketsHmm

DD rang us, obviously upset & embarrassed to be stopped in front of a queue full of teens & preteens, but holding it together & acting maturely.

DH ran down to the cinema with her passport - that not only proved her age, but clearly showed it was her birthday - he told the staff member that it was DDs birthday & that they were both 12 & had parents permission to be there on their own.

Staff member was having none of it, refusing because he only had ID for one of the girls - DH said SM was polite & Young & he thought she might just be new & over zealous, so he didn't want to make a big fuss, but this SM refused point blank to back down no matter what DH said.

Though unfortunately DDs friend got so flustered that she accidentally gave her wrong month of birth, making her a week under 12, she corrected this, but SM refused to believe & insisted that they could only go in, if DH went in with them - At this point I would have been discretely demanding to see the manager - DH sadly didn't want to make any further fuss because the SM was polite & "sorry"

This ended up with DD running off to hide her tears as she was so upset & humiliated - on her birthday! Angry :(

DH ended up having to go in with them - even more annoying, as I was at home just finishing off cooking a meal for us both

AIBU in thinking this was a bloody ridiculously Jobsworth thing to do & on DH arriving with passport the SM should have just backed down & apologised & to want to make a formal complaint?

TIA

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/09/2014 11:31

Sorry..being honest.. they did need ID for both especially since DD's friend had said..even mistakenly. .she was 11.

Sorry it spoilt their day though

exexpat · 28/09/2014 11:31

I'm afraid that I think you are being a bit unreasonable. The law is clear about film ratings. You only had ID for one of the girls, and as it was your DD's birthday and she was just turning 12, it was reasonable of the manager to suspect that her friend might be under 12, particularly if she gave the wrong birthdate when questioned. Getting your DH to go in with them was a reasonable solution. It's a shame your DD got upset on her birthday, but I don't think the cinema could really have done anything different.

gincamparidryvermouth · 28/09/2014 11:33

YABU. He only had proof of age for one of the girls and the other one had already told the SM she was under 12.

worridmum · 28/09/2014 11:34

sadly they do need ID cinemas are being heavily fined for letting in underage people into screenings (think of people buying ciggirettes and alchool) its the person selling the tickets that also gets a fine. (acording to Dniece who is a assistant manager at a cinema in london)

so while its upseting for your DD the sells staff member is just doing there job to avoid being fined.....

UniS · 28/09/2014 11:34

I don't think your dh is a wuss. He did try and prove the girls ages and when he was unable to do thathat he went to see the film with them. Problem solved.
The friend fluffing her own date of birth was very supspious and I'm not surprised Cinema staff refused unaccompanied entry in the circumstances.
If your dd looks young she will have to get used to carrying ID. Its going to be needed for several years.

callmewhatever · 28/09/2014 11:35

I am sorry to say but I think YABU. I understand the frustration but the cinema have every right to ask for ID if they believe the girl is under 12. Your dh provided ID for your dd but if there was no proof other girl was 12 or over then they shouldn't let her in. How many threads do we see on mn about parents unhappy that that their dc was shown a movie that they weren't old enough to see?! I can remember being refused to a number of movies because I couldn't prove my age, it happens.

greenfolder · 28/09/2014 11:36

but you cant have it both ways. it is a good thing that there are film classifications. it is a good thing that the staff check properly. your dd clearly looks around the 11/12 mark. it is an impossible thing to guess. that is why the rules are there. she has the next 10 years or needing to prove her age ahead of her. there is nothing for you to complain about.

Icimoi · 28/09/2014 11:37

I really don't see how you claim your DH was a wuss. Do you really think him having a shouting match about it would have helped anyone? He did absolutely the right thing.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 28/09/2014 11:40

I can understand that it was a bit annoying but I'd like to bet the cinema has to deal with complaints of 'how dare you let my underage child in to see a 15/ whatever film' so they're understandably wary.

I can't see the big deal really though or why something like that would cause such upset.

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:40

Thanks everyone - this wasn't the manager though - DH did handle it well enough, but I think he could have tried speaking with the manager.

DD doesn't look young, neither does her friend, both girls look older & friend is also very tall.

That explains a lot worrid - DD has been going in on her own with other groups of friends for about a year - all of them 11 at the time & no one has ever questioned them

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Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:41

It was a 12A Film not 15

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worridmum · 28/09/2014 11:42

and TBH if the manager was any good would of backed the member of staff and if you started a shouting match you would of been asked to leave as that is what happend all those years ago when i worked in a cinema (you would not of been given a refund on the food you bought ether)

ByTheWishingWell · 28/09/2014 11:42

I'm with everyone else I'm afraid. They have to check, and especially once the friend had told them that she was 11, there was no way they could back down. I'm not sure what you would have wanted your DH to do differently? Surely getting into a big argument with the SM would have been much more embarrassing for your DD.
I'm sorry she got so upset on her birthday though.

pissedglitter · 28/09/2014 11:43

You are being ridiculous

Of course both girls needed ID

Don't complain about someone doing their job

choirmumoftwo · 28/09/2014 11:44

YABU. It's your responsibility to make sure your child has ID and the cinemas responsibility to ask for it. Not the cinemas fault that your DD was upset. Sorry.

SauvignonBlanche · 28/09/2014 11:45

Sorry, YABU, the cinema was right, see here.

It's a mistake you only make once. DS always takes his passport to the cinema now.

worridmum · 28/09/2014 11:45

12 A means no one under the age of 12 can see the film without an accompling adult....... so the cinema was still right in asking the girls to prove the age.

cinemas have to follow the guideline/ law on age restrictions and 12 (12A) is still a age restrcition you would have a case with the U or PG rating tho but since 12A is classed the same as 15 , 18 they all have to be inforced in the eyes of the law

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:47

I can't see the big deal really though or why something like that would cause such upset

Because she is a preteen & they all like to think they are grown up & this was the first time she could go to the cinema on her own,mouth her friend & not have an escort, it was a big deal for her, something she was really excited about - & she was very embarrassed to be turned away in front of other kids her age, some younger, some older - she does not look young for her age, far from it, but is a bit paranoid at the moment that she is short - she isn't, just her friends are all tall

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Lilicat1013 · 28/09/2014 11:48

I used to work at a cinema, we were reminded constantly if we let someone in under age we personally would be fined several thousand pounds and we would lose our jobs.

If you get to the point where you have asked them and they can't produce ID and get their birthday wrong there is no way they are going in. You could husband could have got the manager and got the same answer. The cinema I worked at would have giving them the option of a refund, bring an adult with them or swap to a film with a younger age certificate. If they had chosen to go home they probably would have gotten their food refunded.

The staff member was polite, she was doing her job but essentially she has to protect her own interests. When I did that job I certainly couldn't have afforded a several thousand pound fine and I needed that job to pay the bills. I would not have risked my job because a child's parent's didn't check the terms and conditions.

You can complain if you want, you will probably get a standard sorry and free tickets but as long as the staff member was polite and respectful she wasn't in the wrong.

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:48

Who mentioned a shouting match!Confused

OP posts:
exexpat · 28/09/2014 11:51

She may be embarrassed, but I'm sure no one in the queue would pay much attention to seeing someone be turned away - having a parent kick up a huge fuss would be much more embarrassing.

And for at least the next 10 years or so she is going to have to produce proof of age for all sorts of things (cinemas, pubs, supermarkets, bus drivers etc) so she might as well get used to it.

Marylou62 · 28/09/2014 11:51

My DD, 16 at the time but younger looking was taken to the cinema by her tutor from her residential horsey college...they were in a group of about 15 other teens....it was a 15 film and she was the only one questioned...even with the tutor showing his ID and explaining that you had to be over 16 to be at that college, the answer was still no...shame as they all left the cinema...went for pizza instead. It did make her remember to take her ID everywhere. It was a horrid thing to happen but maybe you'd be a bit more upset if she'd been let in to an unsuitable film when she was too young?

insancerre · 28/09/2014 11:53

Yabu
The girl was just doing her job.
Or are you one of those parents who thinks an exception should be made just for their child- afterall they are more special than anyone other child Hmm

BadLad · 28/09/2014 11:54

What exactly is there to make a formal complaint about?

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:54

Thanks everyone - points taken & if the staff themselves get such hefty fines then it makes perfect sense Shock

Though I do think if that's the case, that the cinema needs to make that more clear - why have website notifications & notice boards insisting on ID for 15 & 18 year olds, but not for 12 year olds when they obviously have to insist on it - that doesn't exactly help the staff nor the kids or parents

Thanks again

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