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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Want to Complain(& to think DH handled this like a wuss]

181 replies

RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:26

Or am I over reacting because DD is already having a really tough time & just didn't need this upset too Confused

As her 12th birthday treat DD wanted a day of shopping with her best friend, including a meal in her favourite pizza place & then onto the cinema.

Sadly due to health problems, they were both too exhausted & overwhelmed by shopping in town on a Saturday - so they skipped the meal & headed home to chill out to recharge for the cinema instead (bizarrely not only do they share a less than common name, they both share the same health condition, which includes CFS & anxiety as symptoms :( )

They are both very sensible, mature 12 yr olds, who look & act older

On proudly arriving at the cinema to see a 12A film on their own, they were refused entry & told they need proof of age - nothing on the cinemas website or notice board says proof of age needed for a 12A, (only 15 & 18 - which is fair enough) SM was quite happy to take their money for over priced popcorn & drinks though, but not for cinema ticketsHmm

DD rang us, obviously upset & embarrassed to be stopped in front of a queue full of teens & preteens, but holding it together & acting maturely.

DH ran down to the cinema with her passport - that not only proved her age, but clearly showed it was her birthday - he told the staff member that it was DDs birthday & that they were both 12 & had parents permission to be there on their own.

Staff member was having none of it, refusing because he only had ID for one of the girls - DH said SM was polite & Young & he thought she might just be new & over zealous, so he didn't want to make a big fuss, but this SM refused point blank to back down no matter what DH said.

Though unfortunately DDs friend got so flustered that she accidentally gave her wrong month of birth, making her a week under 12, she corrected this, but SM refused to believe & insisted that they could only go in, if DH went in with them - At this point I would have been discretely demanding to see the manager - DH sadly didn't want to make any further fuss because the SM was polite & "sorry"

This ended up with DD running off to hide her tears as she was so upset & humiliated - on her birthday! Angry :(

DH ended up having to go in with them - even more annoying, as I was at home just finishing off cooking a meal for us both

AIBU in thinking this was a bloody ridiculously Jobsworth thing to do & on DH arriving with passport the SM should have just backed down & apologised & to want to make a formal complaint?

TIA

OP posts:
gincamparidryvermouth · 28/09/2014 11:54

this was the first time she could go to the cinema on her own,mouth her friend & not have an escort, it was a big deal for her, something she was really excited about

I don't understand why the girls didn't have proof of age with them TBH, if it was such a big thing.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 28/09/2014 11:56

Cinema was right OP. Your DH could have insisted more, got nowhere and been labelled a difficult person but what was the point.

I looked mature for my age too, used to be able drink underage when people didn't bother to ID.

Pico2 · 28/09/2014 11:57

Fast forward to 18th birthday, at the pub. You'd expect to be ID'd. Why would you expect this to be any different?

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:57

gin Because DD has never been stopped & asked for ID before, nor have any of her other friends - they have been going in on their own for about a year - just not going to the cinema alone, but escorted there & gone in on their own

OP posts:
Groovee · 28/09/2014 11:58

Both my kids have a young scot card which states their DOB and has their photo on it. Is there anything like this which is a credit card size which they could get to prove their age in the future? It means they can prove their age without carrying a passport around.

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 11:59

pico
Fast forward to 18th birthday, at the pub. You'd expect to be ID'd. Why would you expect this to be any different?

Because bit is NOT written on their notice board along with ID needed for 18 & 15

OP posts:
whois · 28/09/2014 12:00

DH could have bought a ticket, gone in with them, sat near the door and then left 10 mins into the film.

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 12:00

Great idea Groove thanks - I will look into this for future

OP posts:
hormonalandneedingcheese · 28/09/2014 12:03

RockinHippy chance are if this is new for them then the cinema has been 'mystery guested' and found lacking. Of caught allowing underagers in and got in trouble.

Shame for your DC but get her an id card so she can show off her ageing, she then has proof to flash proudly.

YonicScrewdriver · 28/09/2014 12:05

Well done for saying YWBU!

itsbetterthanabox · 28/09/2014 12:09

Email the cinema head office explaining and request they put these details on their website. If it's the law they got to stick to it but they should make it clear in advance so customers don't end up disappointed.
I think it's silly personally to need id to see a 12a. I used to go and see and buy 18s when I was 12. I think film ratings should just be guidelines tbh and then need id for 18s.

gincamparidryvermouth · 28/09/2014 12:23

Because DD has never been stopped & asked for ID before, nor have any of her other friends - they have been going in on their own for about a year - just not going to the cinema alone, but escorted there & gone in on their own

Ah ok, I see. In that case I can see why they didn't anticipate this being a problem.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 28/09/2014 12:33

Sometimes we're embarassed in life. Pre teen or not, dealing with little things in public is as much a rite of passage as going to the cinema for the first time.

Whoopsadazy · 28/09/2014 12:38

Hold on a minute, doesn't 12a mean a child younger than 12 can watch a film of this rating with adult accompanying? I remember being amazed at seeing 7-8 yr old looking children watching Casino Royale. So if your DH was with them, they didn't need ID.

Whoopsadazy · 28/09/2014 12:40

Ah hold on, they were unaccompanied at first? Cinema was right then but you've acknowledged this.

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 12:49

Of course it is Bob life lessons & all that, but though I can now see a reason - I'm naturally not happy that it happened on her birthday, which was already dampened as both girls felt too ill to do all they had planned earlier - when clearer signage could have avoided the situation all together

& yes Whoops that's right - that's why it seems silly when they are both 12, or at very least in the staff members eyes, as she preferred to take the one flustered error, over several protests of correct DoB & age, plus adult backing, 1 x12 & 1 friend who is 5'7" & looks easily 14, is 11 & 51 weeks.

Dad just told me that there were 8 year olds in the queue that she knew from her old school & she was turned away in front of them - we took her out if that school due to amongst other things ongoing bullying, so that crushed her

OP posts:
Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 12:49

DD not Dad

OP posts:
LemonadeRayGun · 28/09/2014 13:54

Sorry but I think yabu. These are legal obligations and the staff member was doing her job.

You'd be quick to complain if same staff member let your 16yr old in to watch an 18 film!

The rules are there for a reason and if someone looks underage they have to provide ID. Particularly if they have just told the staff member they are underage!!

I understand why you feel sad for your DD on her birthday :( but for anything which has an age limit you'd always need ID.

LemonadeRayGun · 28/09/2014 13:57

Sorry just seen that you have posted again. I can see why they wouldn't anticipate needing ID. Sorry your daughter had a disappointing birthday.

claraschu · 28/09/2014 14:03

I think the cinema is being ridiculous, and I don't believe that anyone would have actually have lost their job or been fined thousands of pounds over this (have you ever seen police come in to a cinema and check that every child without ID has a parent with them). The whole thing sounds annoying and officious to me.

redexpat · 28/09/2014 14:18

Well my tuppenceworth is thus:
If there is nothing on the website nor clear signing about needing proof of age fr 12A then they are being unfair to demand it, expecially when there isnt much other than a passport for a 12 year old. Not all 12 year olds have this.

YWNBU to write to the manager of the cinema and point this out. Yes your DH was a wuss.

WanderingTrolley1 · 28/09/2014 14:42

YABU.

Your DP did his best.

LadyLuck10 · 28/09/2014 15:00

Please get over yourself. Why should they take two teens word over anything? One had proof, the other messed up her dob which came across as lying so what did you expect. Did you want to speak to the manager and used their conditions for sympathy? Seriously you would be wasting your time making a complaint. Glad your DH was sensible and dealt with it appropriately.

BravePotato · 28/09/2014 15:20

Glad they got in, your poor DH having to go too.

He handled it well IMO and nothing wussy.

Too many people these days kicking up fusses about why the rules should not apply to them.

Original poster
RockinHippy · 28/09/2014 15:27

Lady - Do try reading properly, before being so rude & judgemental Hmm - the Member of Staff didn't believe DH EITHER!

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