To Want to Complain(& to think DH handled this like a wuss]

[RockinHippy]

Or am I over reacting because DD is already having a really tough time & just didn't need this upset too

As her 12th birthday treat DD wanted a day of shopping with her best friend, including a meal in her favourite pizza place & then onto the cinema.

Sadly due to health problems, they were both too exhausted & overwhelmed by shopping in town on a Saturday - so they skipped the meal & headed home to chill out to recharge for the cinema instead (bizarrely not only do they share a less than common name, they both share the same health condition, which includes CFS & anxiety as symptoms :( )

They are both very sensible, mature 12 yr olds, who look & act older

On proudly arriving at the cinema to see a 12A film on their own, they were refused entry & told they need proof of age - nothing on the cinemas website or notice board says proof of age needed for a 12A, (only 15 & 18 - which is fair enough) SM was quite happy to take their money for over priced popcorn & drinks though, but not for cinema tickets

DD rang us, obviously upset & embarrassed to be stopped in front of a queue full of teens & preteens, but holding it together & acting maturely.

DH ran down to the cinema with her passport - that not only proved her age, but clearly showed it was her birthday - he told the staff member that it was DDs birthday & that they were both 12 & had parents permission to be there on their own.

Staff member was having none of it, refusing because he only had ID for one of the girls - DH said SM was polite & Young & he thought she might just be new & over zealous, so he didn't want to make a big fuss, but this SM refused point blank to back down no matter what DH said.

Though unfortunately DDs friend got so flustered that she accidentally gave her wrong month of birth, making her a week under 12, she corrected this, but SM refused to believe & insisted that they could only go in, if DH went in with them - At this point I would have been discretely demanding to see the manager - DH sadly didn't want to make any further fuss because the SM was polite & "sorry"

This ended up with DD running off to hide her tears as she was so upset & humiliated - on her birthday! :(

DH ended up having to go in with them - even more annoying, as I was at home just finishing off cooking a meal for us both

AIBU in thinking this was a bloody ridiculously Jobsworth thing to do & on DH arriving with passport the SM should have just backed down & apologised & to want to make a formal complaint?

TIA

There's also the Validate UK ID card for 12-15 year olds - www.validateuk.co.uk/official-UK-ID-Card/

It's a society that thinks a new rule solves every problem.

It doesn't.

It's human nature to feel rules don't apply to us and to feel those in charge are a bunch of idiots.

When the first laws teens encounter are petty, annoying and they break them if they possibly can, it's not a good way to bring up respectable citizens.

It means that when the politicians being in a sensible law like 'no mobiles will driving' people stick up two fingers to that too.

I don't agree - I think we live in a society with laws that protect. I'm all for that.

As for young people wanting to break the law - nope, again don't agree. If you bring your children up to be law-abiding by example (ie don't go roaring like a lion when you're asked to provide ID that everyone else is asked to produce) then they generally don't feel the need to break the laws or huff and puff about not conforming to the norm, me.

As for sticking two fingers up to the law on driving whilst speaking on mobile phones - only the most ignorant of tossers would do that.

Alright.... So we've happily lived with film classification for DECADES, but now it's a grotesque example of the nanny state's interference in our lives and evidence of their failure to tackle knife crime. Get a grip folks.

YANBU - the staff member was being ridiculously spiteful. They were trying to see a film, not buy a bottle of vodka. I'm with elephants , as this is an example of over-applying laws so that you can pretend to be tackling the real problems. Treating the op's dd and friend like this is hardly going to sort out society's ills. What did this achieve? Precisely the opposite, since it alienated two young people who haven't done anything wrong. 'Rules is rules', so no space for compromise and compassion? Great.

Spiteful..... Maybe, or perhaps they actually are trained to enforce this and could lose their job for failing to do so?

Spiteful? In what way precisely? By doing her job properly? She's not attempting to solve societal ills, she's following the rules set out the the BBFC. If you don't like it, complain to them.

And it didn't alienate 2 young people - they saw the film. They might also remember to take ID with them in future - as thousands of other young people manage to do, will no lasting ill effects.

Exactly, even very nice well brought up teens feel alienated and irritated by not being able to see a film or buy a pair of scissors. It's patronising to say to a 16 you have to send Daddy to buy glue for your hobby, which is quite likely something he has no I treats in at all.

DD1 is 16, she's sick to the back teeth of being treated like a baby one minute and expected to pay adult prices the next (being a non NUS sixform, she can't even get student discounts except on goodwill).

Seriously how do we expect to get 18yo to vote if their only experience of authority is that it's petty and irritating at best and in the case of university fees and the paltry under 18 minimum wage downright cruel.

@Downamongtherednecks

'Rules is rules', so no space for compromise and compassion? Great.

Ideally that would be great, but it's not really fair to ask a NMW employee to come round to that way of thinking when they are at risk of losing their job, a 4 figure fine and possible criminal prosecution, is it?

Many of us have to follow and implement rules and laws in our jobs. We also know when to break them. That's why we have the expression "The letter of the law versus the spirit of the law". The spirit of the BBFC rules is to stop younger children being exposed to unsuitable material, not to stop an 11/12 year old who is roughly around the the right age from having a nice birthday treat. The OP asked if this was ridiculously "jobsworth", which is was.

Then go look at the enforcement regimes. When people know that a mystery shopper can get them fired, the spirit of the rules means precisely sod all.

Downamongtherednecks - Again, the member of staff is at risk of of losing their job, a 4 figure fine and possible criminal prosecution. So YABVU accusing them of being a "jobsworth", especially when mystery customers visit these premises regularly.

Then it is the job of the huge chains that run these cinemas to protect their staff, by ensuring there is a simple acceptable proof of age card for young customers. Or better still lobby parliament for a national one, since it's parliament who pass this rubbish.

They are really happy to take their money 99% of the time.

absolutely elephant I am all for the chains pushing back against woolly and pointless legislation. I was thinking about what you were saying about the under 16 glue rule. Given you can join the British Army at 16 (which according to the UN makes you a child-soldier), it is deeply disrespectful to treat them like this.

As for your DD I hope she can find a different cinema to spend her money in in future (here we can't they are all the same chain, hence my assertion they jolly well ought to find a sensible way to do this, not put the fear of God up very poorly paid staff).

In fact DD scuba dives, she can leaf ally risk her life (at any age, although most clubs say 14+), but she can't buy a knife to cut herself or her buddy free from the fishing nets and rubbish that litter our coasts.

In fact the knife laws are such that even DH had hassle buying one.

Any one wanting to commit murder however, can find a perfectly good enough knife in any kitchen draw.

You would probably think differently if you had a child who self harmed or sniffed glue, its really not a big deal as a parent to go out and buy your child sissors, a knife or glue if they need it for some reason.

No I wouldn't, because I've the sense to realise a self harming DC doesn't need to buy anything sharp things are everywhere and a child who wants to abuse solvents is always going to find an older mate to but them or somewhere to shop lift them from.

There is a national proof of age card available to teenagers. The OPs child doesn't have one. Not the cinemas fault.

But is it actually accepted everywhere? There was a thread here saying it was driving licence/passport or nothing for alcohol in a lot of places. Very difficult for parents of DCs who health issues and couldn't learn to drive (and not fair on those who can't afford to).

Or move to Scotland and enjoy our Young Scot card. Or push for one in your country. Do something constructive.
Irrespective of what you would like the cinemas to do the fact is that cinema staff can and will refuse entry - so take ID.

"Given you can join the British Army at 16 (which according to the UN makes you a child-soldier),"

Well, no. Because they are not deployed till 18.

Also they are likely to stop the recruitment at 16 soon anyway.

How did we get from 'child refused entry at cinema because they didn't have ID, as per the usual rules' to child soldiers?

ive never been in a pub where i live that didnt take a provisional licence as proof of ID as well as licence or ID card. When the ID cards first came out places didnt take them but how many years ago was that.

Or they just do what ds1 did and carry their passport around for a year when going drinking. Its not a big issue.

And they need photo ID to join college so unless they have stayed on at school instead most teens will have something by the age of 16