To be rude to this woman even when she was polite to me?

[Bearsinmotion]

Just got home from work with DD. I am 18 weeks pregnant and knackered. DP is away on business. I am also disabled and have a parking space outside my house. One of the neighbours is parked in it - no blue badge. After driving round the block I find a space about 50m away - further than my normal walking distance. Wrestle DD out of the car, my work bag, her nursery bag and my walking stick and stagger to the house, stopping every few m.

Neighbour appears in gym kit and unlocks the car saying "oh sorry, is this your space?"

"Yes, this is my house"

"Sorry, there wasn't anywhere else to park"

"Do you think there was anywhere else for me? I'm 18 weeks pregnant, disabled and I have a toddler to look after! I'm exhausted. What am I supposed to do?!"

"I'm really sorry, can I do anything to help?"

"No! no you can't. It's too late. Maybe next time you could think about why these spaces are here and who might need to use them."

Am now in house trying not to cry. I'm going to have to make the same journey back to the car in the morning and will now worry all day in case it happens again. That space is my lifeline. If the only space was another 50m away I would not be able to get home at all :(

I stand by that.

Decent people would see the disabled badge and just not park there.

They would go along to next street.

the world would be a better place if people didn't park in BB Bays "by accident"
surely if you can't tell a BB bay from an ordinary one you shouldn't be driving.

FanjoForTheMammaries I agree with you 100%

I do believe there are two types of people in world.

Those who just wouldn't park in a disabled space ever..decent people.

And those who would if it was convenient. Selfish people.

You don't momentarily lapse from one to other iMO.

motherinferior

I am not defending what she did- it was wrong. It could be a lapse of judgement, a bad decision or whatever you like to call it. Or perhaps it is not, and she does it all the time and maybe even is, generally speaking, an unpleasant person. I don't know, really.

But I can imagine a situation something like this- neighbour is in a hurry, no parking spaces, neighbour thinks "I'll only be a little while, it'll probably be fine" and doesn't really think about it any further. Gets back, sees the impact she's had on her neighbour and feels really sorry for what she's done, so offers an apology.

Clearly she was in the wrong to park there and deservedly got a ticking off from the OP. However, a sincere apology (and not doing it again) should not mean "fuck all".

If we are without Dd and her badge and we go somewhere and there are no spaces except disabled spaces..there is no parking for us and we go elsewhere.

If we go somewhere quiet at night and the disabled spaces are nearer the door, we still don't park in them.

It's not hard.

Even if we do have Dd we don't park in other peoples disabled spaces at their houses.

We drove round for 45 mins trying to get a space in a small town the other week..only one was a disabled space at someone's house..which we could have used with our badge,but we left it for them and went home.

It's just how it is.

And we have always done that even before DD.

We were brought up like that.

People now seem to think they can decide when it's ok to park there.

You are not being unreasonable and you were rude, you were accurate. Disabled spaces are for people with the appropriate blue badge not for people who cannot find anywhere to park.

Well Fanjo, I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I don't see it in quite the back and white that you do. I think decent people sometimes make mistakes/do the wrong thing, and as long as they don't repeat their actions and make a genuine apology, they deserve some forgiveness.

I am not perfect and have made mistakes and I'm fairly sure I may make a mistake at some point in the future. I hope that when I do I will not be labelled as a terrible person forever. I think that decent people will forgive anthers mistake/error of judgement/wrong doing, if it is clear the person means the apology and does not repeat the offence.

I'm willing to bet most people will have done something wrong in the past or will do in the future. I'd like to think that if someone did something which impacted negatively on me, but then apologised (sincerely), I'd be decent enough to accept the apology and move on.

SORRY you were NOT rude at all.

I don't make mistakes about disabled parking spaces.

It's easy.

It's a mindset.

You don't accidentally do it

Anyway it's not about me.

I do however respect people more who have mindset of those spaces are not for them.

It does tend to make you less well inclined to those who abuse the spaces when selfish people cause you hassle nearly every day.

A mistake? How can you accidentally park in a disabled space?

Exactly. And then, when it was pointed out by a person with a disability, she didn't immediately say "Oh my god, I feel so awful. I do apologise for making such a stupid mistake. Here, hop in, I'll move the car straight away and take you back to your car so you can then drive back here to use your space."

That's what a normal person, who'd made a genuine mistake, would have done (well, it's what I'd do).

But instead, she asked you ineffectually if she could help you. But she didn't move her car, and help you get back to yours so you could use your spot.

You were far far kinder to her than she was to you. Really. Don't doubt yourself.

I do agree that good people are allowed the odd mistake, but I'm with Fanjo on this one. Parking in a BB space when you don't need to, just to save able-bodied you a few mins' walk, is selfish fuckwittery, not a momentary lapse of judgement.

I'm sure I do tons of things that drive others mad (although I do really try not to) and I have absolutely no need of BB spaces so have no axe to grind, but for some reason I feel very strongly that this is one of those dividing lines between nice people and twunts. I have said for years that the only thing you REALLY need to know about John Terry is that he thinks it's OK to park his Bentley in a disabled space.

Ok fine, you would never make THIS mistake. I am not saying she did this unwittingly, and could not have avoided doing so. It was clearly thoughtless and inconsiderate of others.

It is something you feel strongly about, I understand that.

I don't park in disabled bays and have never done so. It annoys me too, as I have seen how much trouble it can cause (my dad has a blue badge) when others park in the BB spaces.

My point is that I believe for most mistakes/errors/wrong doing a sincere apology and not doing it again, should generally mean the person should not be labelled as a terrible person forever more. You, however, clearly believe that no-one can make a mistake/do the wrong thing without generally being selfish/inconsiderate/not decent and nothing they can ever do should negate that. We will agree to disagree.

Were you rude? I don't think so,you just refused to pretend what she had done was alright. Justifiably angry maybe.

iamsoannoyed, an impressive extrapolation there.

I don't believe people make this - this specific one - mistake without being selfish twats. I am not saying they all keep kittens at home for the express purpose of poking them with pins; I'm not saying they push grannies over for fun; I'm not saying they've never done a good thing in their lives.

But I don't believe it's a momentary lapse of judgement either. They've weighed up someone's pain over their own convenience and opted for the latter. That's quite a bit worse than, e.g., eating something smelly on a train IMO.

But I dont think that about most things.

But I think if you make this particular mistake then you are fundamentally a bit selfish.

Harsly meana I nwvwr forgive anyone for anything.

However its not about me so still not sure why I am getting singled out and disagreed with so much.

*hardly means I never. Oops

Needs has it exactly right

i'm sure that if that parking spot was the only option whilst she was rushing to save a child from a burning building people would understand. but that's obviously not the case. she started by saying "oh sorry...", she knew where she had parked exactly

It's not a 'mistake'. It's a bad thing. And yes a proper apology would have involved vacating the space immediately and trying to assist the OP.

You don't mistakenly park in a BB space outside someones house. She knew exactly what she was doing.