To be rude to this woman even when she was polite to me?

[Bearsinmotion]

Just got home from work with DD. I am 18 weeks pregnant and knackered. DP is away on business. I am also disabled and have a parking space outside my house. One of the neighbours is parked in it - no blue badge. After driving round the block I find a space about 50m away - further than my normal walking distance. Wrestle DD out of the car, my work bag, her nursery bag and my walking stick and stagger to the house, stopping every few m.

Neighbour appears in gym kit and unlocks the car saying "oh sorry, is this your space?"

"Yes, this is my house"

"Sorry, there wasn't anywhere else to park"

"Do you think there was anywhere else for me? I'm 18 weeks pregnant, disabled and I have a toddler to look after! I'm exhausted. What am I supposed to do?!"

"I'm really sorry, can I do anything to help?"

"No! no you can't. It's too late. Maybe next time you could think about why these spaces are here and who might need to use them."

Am now in house trying not to cry. I'm going to have to make the same journey back to the car in the morning and will now worry all day in case it happens again. That space is my lifeline. If the only space was another 50m away I would not be able to get home at all :(

In particular for those bays that are clearly for specific residents, it is very twattish to park in them. Particularly if there are no other parking spaces anywhere near.

You could be excused in a large car park, as the spaces are much less used.

no you couldn't be excused in a large car park, sorry.

In a large car park..if there are loads of spaces..use them instead.

If there are hardly any then the disabled ones WILL be needed.

Plus..just don't use them, wherever they are.

YWNBU at all, she needed telling. I hope you got out OK this morning?

Another one here thinking you were actually much more polite than she deserved. Hopefully she may think twice about doing that again.

People parking in disabled spaces when they are not entitled to do so give me the rage. I spotted a woman I know (and used to like) parking in one when we were picking up our kids from after school club. She definitely went down in my estimation after that.

YW definitely NOT BU. What the hell was she thinking? If there's a disabled space in a residential street, it's because there's somebody with a disability who needs it.
I imagine the posters who suggest that you were a little strong have never had or known anyone with a disability that makes walking 50m a real struggle.
Hope it wasn't too difficult for you this morning.
And I hope your neighbour has had time to have a good long hard think about why you don't park in disabled spaces unless you have a disability FFS.

A mistake? How can you accidentally park in a disabled space?

Totally agree with YoutheCat. She did it because she thought she could get away with it, and because she couldn't be arsed to park further away. There's no way that anyone can fail to notice that they are parking in a marked disabled bay with a post. They are just deciding to go ahead anyway. Your response was perfect, OP. People absolutely need to be told/shown the impact of their actions. Fuming on your behalf.

I don't see where you were actually "rude". Just assertive and forthright.

I definitely felt rude, but that's probably because I hate confrontation and I know I was very abrupt and angry and hormonal.

Agree with sauvignon. You weren't rude at all.
Hopefully she's learnt the error of her ways.

YANBU.

She was being rude and inconsiderate by parking there. Then she tried to make herself feel better by saying that "oh sorry" business.

I also hate confrontation. But hopefully now she will think before selfishly using a parking space reserved for blue badge holders again.

YANBU and I hope she never does anything like it again. You said exactly the right thing. You were not in the least rude and you put your point across very well.

Fanjo

What the OPs neighbour did was wrong, no question. She should not have done it, it was inconsiderate and I doubt she was confused/didn't realise it was a disabled parking space. She probably didn't give it much thought and it was more of a thoughtless act than a deliberately malicious act aimed at the OP/disabled people in general.

The OP was clearly not unreasonable to be upset and to make it clear how what the neighbour had done had negatively impacted upon her and how upset she was.

She would however, in my opinion, be unreasonable to not accept the apology offered and move on. Assuming the neighbour in question has not been known to do this before and does not do so again in the future. Obviously if she does it again, the OP would be perfectly entitled to take it further/have a word with her neighbour.

You know, people are allowed to make mistakes/errors of judgement. As I said before, I find all this "unforgivable" and the like comments completely OTT (unless proven to be repeat behaviour).

I am assuming many posters on here have never made a mistake/error of judgement which has negatively impacted on some else in the past? The level of righteousness on here is quite something.

I know I have, and felt badly about what I had done, so I apologised and have never done it again. But I suppose that would automatically make me a terrible person, never to be forgiven and forever to be shunned by others. I am human and therefore fallible.

Why are you addressing me particularly?

I told OP she handled it perfectly.

Did you miss the fact I said 'you weren't harsh enough' and then said I was kidding, you handled it perfectly?

I also said hopefully she will have learned lesson now. Well I meant to but missed out the "learned".

Hard to see why I should be singled out from everyone's comments really,

Oh come on, where's the 'error of judgement' in parking in a disabled drivers' space? It's really simple. The only rude person was the idiot who parked in it. A 'nice' apology afterwards means fuck-all.

Parking on our road is a horror. It is truly nightmarish. I have sometimes had to park several streets away.

But I don't park in the space for disabled drivers unlike some of my neighbours because I am not disabled.

It's hardly malicious to park there but its pretty damn easy not to.

Agree with Iamsoannoyed. She was embarrassed and asked if she could help in any way. Even the OP feels she might have been a bit offhand so lets take her word for that , seeing as none of us were there. This world would be a better place if people could just forgive and move on and be kind...even when it doesn't feel like others are being kind to you. The world is also a more bearable place when we get on well with our neighbours.

It's not malicious but it is nasty, actually. Maybe not done deliberately to make someone miserable but not caring a damn if it does.

yanbu
what was the point in her being polite after being so bloody inconsiderate.

Actually I don't even think you were rude - honest and more restrained than I'd have probably been in your shoes.

Fanjo

you did say "Decent people just don't do that.

She wouldn't have just had a momentary lapse.of consideration but undoubtedly does it loads and got caught out"

Although, you are right that many people have said this, not just you. I was responding to you as the last post I had read along the same theme. Apologies if I upset/annoyed you.