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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be rude to this woman even when she was polite to me?

186 replies

Bearsinmotion · 25/09/2014 18:21

Just got home from work with DD. I am 18 weeks pregnant and knackered. DP is away on business. I am also disabled and have a parking space outside my house. One of the neighbours is parked in it - no blue badge. After driving round the block I find a space about 50m away - further than my normal walking distance. Wrestle DD out of the car, my work bag, her nursery bag and my walking stick and stagger to the house, stopping every few m.

Neighbour appears in gym kit and unlocks the car saying "oh sorry, is this your space?"

"Yes, this is my house"

"Sorry, there wasn't anywhere else to park"

"Do you think there was anywhere else for me? I'm 18 weeks pregnant, disabled and I have a toddler to look after! I'm exhausted. What am I supposed to do?!"

"I'm really sorry, can I do anything to help?"

"No! no you can't. It's too late. Maybe next time you could think about why these spaces are here and who might need to use them."

Am now in house trying not to cry. I'm going to have to make the same journey back to the car in the morning and will now worry all day in case it happens again. That space is my lifeline. If the only space was another 50m away I would not be able to get home at all :(

OP posts:
CoreyTrevorLahey · 25/09/2014 22:06

You were definitely not BU. Even if she'd never seen you before (which of course she had), it was still a marked disabled space, and there for a good reason.

I'm glad you confronted her.

MrsDeVere · 25/09/2014 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 25/09/2014 22:11

perhaps the two of you can apologise and move past it. Afterall, its not the end of civilisation

Spoken like someone who really doesn't have a clue!

Don't you dare apologise to her, bears.

That's not just inconsiderate it's totally cunty. Why would an able bodied person even do this?

What a total cow.

HavanaSlife · 25/09/2014 22:22

Ywnbu and don't apologise, you said nothing wrong!

TeamScotland · 25/09/2014 22:39

What you said to that woman was entirely appropriate.

Don't feel bad. Sometimes people need to be told.

ColdCottage · 25/09/2014 23:08

Have you moved the car yet?

If not you could call 101 and explain the situation. Then ask if one of their traffic officers is in the area tonight before you go to bed or tomorrow morning if they could pop in and move it for you. I'm sure they will help if they are in the area.

Also Mobility cars would still be covered 3rd party if the other person has insurance which covers any car 3rd party. Be careful though, lots of people wrong assume that if they have fully comp insurance it includes 3rd party cover in any car, it doesn't. It has to be specifically in the wording and most don't include it these days. My DH works in insurance.

TaraKnowles · 25/09/2014 23:26

Yanbu.

Don't feel bad, you've helped her to understand, and she obviously needed that.

iamsoannoyed · 25/09/2014 23:27

I can understand your reaction. She was thoughtless and should not have been parked in the disabled space. However, she did apologise and ask if she could help- it doesn't make what she did acceptable, but it might indicate she is sorry. And I tend to think people should be given the benefit of the doubt, in the first instance.

I find all this what she did is "unforgivable" talk a bit OTT- unless she does it repeatedly. Make a mistake once and be damned as an "arsehole" forever. It would have to be a massive mistake and very serious for me to feel that someone is never to be forgiven for a mistake/a bad decision. Parking in the disabled parking space was clearly an inconsiderate and thoughtless thing to do, but not the crime of century.

I'm not sure if the apology was "half-hearted" or insincere or not- the OP hasn't said either way, just what was said.

And yes, not all Blue badge spaces are legally enforceable. Depends on how the local council has designated it. If the police have been out and fined other people for parking there, then this would suggest that it is. You could check with your local council.

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 25/09/2014 23:28

Actually the apology would have sent me over the edge too.

It's all: Oh, I know I did wrong, and don't actually care but look, I'm being nice! Just check out my lovely superior social skills! Can't berate me now, can you!...Oh, er, you can. Damn.'

BlackeyedSusan · 25/09/2014 23:29

I have hypermobile hips and in my forties they are beginning to ache. I look at those blue badge spaces and hope like hell I am not going to need them anytime soon/ever.

she is lucky you did not collapse against the car with all those scratchy things

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/09/2014 23:32

I've not caught up with the thread but have been shocked by MrsD's post.

If the blue spaces aren't enforceable then surely the council are carefully contravening some law/guideline.

That doesn't sound right at all. By that I mean they are wrong, not you, MrsD.

Purpleroxy · 25/09/2014 23:36

Don't feel bad. She did something she knew was wrong and then tried to use a polite tone to cover up her wrongdoing. I hate seeing people so that.

Patrickstarisabadbellend · 25/09/2014 23:37

The same thing happened to my nan. She can only walk a few steps without her wheelchair.

She got a disabled space outside of her house but the neighbour (who has a drive) parks in the bloody thing.

She's now trapped in her home (space directly out of her front door) because she can't use her chair unless a relative is there.

MidniteScribbler · 25/09/2014 23:40

You did nothing wrong. She sounds like the type who thinks she can do what she wants, then smile and be ever so apologetic and people will tell her it's ok. There is NO excuse for parking in a designated disabled bay without a badge, regardless of whether it is enforceable or not. They are there for a reason. Stupidity is not a disability.

smallblackcat · 25/09/2014 23:42

I don't know if anyone else has suggested it, but some councils will give you a dedicated bay if you have a motorbility car. MIne does, so it's worth checking out. No-one else, even with a bb can use it.

pigsDOfly · 26/09/2014 00:11

I really don't understand the reaction of some posters to this.

Whether the bay was formal, informal, legally enforceable or not is irrelevant. The woman parked in a clearly marked disabled bay knowing that at some point it might be needed by a disabled person.

She was rude, selfish and inconsiderate. Her apology was meaningless. If she was sorry she wouldn't have parked there in the first place. She saw an empty disabled parking space and felt entitled to use it regardless of how that might impact on anyone else.

In the circumstances OP I think you were extremely restrained.

iamsoannoyed · 26/09/2014 00:26

pigs

Whilst I don't disagree that she was wrong to park there, and that it was inconsiderate to do so, I don't think her apology was necessarily meaningless.

It is not, in my opinion, meaningless if it was a sincere one. That's how apologies work- you do something wrong and if you are sorry, you say so (and also don't do whatever it was you apologised for again). If they are so meaningless, why do people so often insist they cannot move on until an apology has been given?

I don't know if the neighbour's apology was sincere or not, but assuming it was, while I think OP was not wrong to be upset and exasperated with her neighbour, she should accept her neighbours apology and move on. What the neighbour did was wrong, but not unforgivable.

And the point about whether it was enforceable or not is relevant if OP wants to call 101 and have her neighbour fined, as was suggested by a few posters.

pigsDOfly · 26/09/2014 00:46

Iam

Some posters were saying some bays are not enforceable. Whether the bay is enforceable or not doesn't matter, the neighbour shouldn't have parked in it, which is what I mean't by its enforceability being irrelevant.

The OP is worried that she isn't going to be able walk to her car in the morning so clearly moving on is something she won't be able to do until she's managed to get back to her car without too much difficulty tomorrow morning.

I wouldn't assume the neighbour's apology was sincere. If she sincerely felt she was wrong to park in a disabled space why would she park there in the first place. It wasn't a mistake. She could clearly see where she was parking.

Snapespotions · 26/09/2014 00:49

Shocked that not all blue badge spaces are enforceable! Shock

I would like to think that everyone would know it was morally wrong to park in a disabled space without a blue badge anyway, but as some people clearly have no scruples, surely they should be legally protected? Confused

ColdTeaAgain · 26/09/2014 00:55

Good for you, she deserved a telling off! She knew exactly what she was doing when she parked there but hoped she'd get away with it. Hopefully she won't be so selfish next time.

ItIsAllAConspiracy · 26/09/2014 00:58

YANBU at all! It really gets on my nerves when people either don't think or don't care. I go out with my Aunty a lot, she has a blue badge and we take her car as she can park in disable spaces not for my convenience but because she genuinely cannot walk that far without difficulty. For the able bodied it is an inconvenience at worst, for the disabled it can be a life limiting disaster.

Hugs to you OP and don't feel bad.

iamsoannoyed · 26/09/2014 01:00

Pigs

Well mistakes can come in many forms- not realising something is incorrect, or doing something you know is incorrect and then regretting can be both be referred to as "mistakes".

Maybe the neighbour did it without much thought to the consequences of her actions rather than with malicious intent? Which would be my first thought. But now that she has seen how upset the OP is and realises the impact it has had on her neighbour, she really does regret her thoughtless actions and so her apology is meaningful?

Of course, she could not care at all and just be apologising in an attempt to save face. I have no idea. I just disagree that, by default, her apology must be meaningless.

Thumbwitch · 26/09/2014 01:01

No YWNBU.
She might have been apologetic because she was caught in the act, but it didn't stop her bloody parking there in the first place, did it? So she was shamed into an apology - so she bloody well should have been!

And I absolutely agree that you giving it to her straight was far better than doing the British Stiff Upper Lip thing and saying "oh no, that's ok, really". Might give her pause for thought next time she's so fucking selfish. Angry for you.

UncleT · 26/09/2014 02:23

You were right to give both barrels. The effect should be lasting - a very good thing.

bebebringingup · 26/09/2014 05:15

If its your neighbour, unless she's just moved in, doesn't she realise that its your parking space having seen you park there in the past?

In any event, as thebuskersdog said, she shouldn't have parked in a disabled bay. "Oh is this your space" trying to get herself out of a hole/make herself look better. Stupid cow.

YANBU.