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Original poster

To be rude to this woman even when she was polite to me?

186 replies

Bearsinmotion · 25/09/2014 18:21

Just got home from work with DD. I am 18 weeks pregnant and knackered. DP is away on business. I am also disabled and have a parking space outside my house. One of the neighbours is parked in it - no blue badge. After driving round the block I find a space about 50m away - further than my normal walking distance. Wrestle DD out of the car, my work bag, her nursery bag and my walking stick and stagger to the house, stopping every few m.

Neighbour appears in gym kit and unlocks the car saying "oh sorry, is this your space?"

"Yes, this is my house"

"Sorry, there wasn't anywhere else to park"

"Do you think there was anywhere else for me? I'm 18 weeks pregnant, disabled and I have a toddler to look after! I'm exhausted. What am I supposed to do?!"

"I'm really sorry, can I do anything to help?"

"No! no you can't. It's too late. Maybe next time you could think about why these spaces are here and who might need to use them."

Am now in house trying not to cry. I'm going to have to make the same journey back to the car in the morning and will now worry all day in case it happens again. That space is my lifeline. If the only space was another 50m away I would not be able to get home at all :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Bearsinmotion · 26/09/2014 06:52

Hello everyone, thanks for the replies. FWIW I do think it was a genuine apology, she did look embarrassed. I just don't think she'd thought through the implications. Particularly her comment about "There was nowhere else to park" - that's never true where we live, it just might be a long walk, which for her is an inconvenience, for me it's impossible.

I fell asleep with DD last night so car is still there, but I think I can get there with DD and then drive round the one way loop and get our stuff.

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/09/2014 11:37

I'm sure she was embarrassed, but because she was caught up. I hope she doesn't do it again.

If she does, stay there with your car, honk until she shows up and call the police/council anyway.

ExpiredUserName · 26/09/2014 11:55

Please don't feel upset Thanks. The lady was out of order and I'm sure she isn't going to do it again.

I don't think you were unreasonable to let her know what you were thinking.
It was selfish and lasy of her.

Hopefully after a MN rant and a Brew you will feel better.

MrsHathaway · 26/09/2014 12:06

No! no you can't. It's too late. Maybe next time you could think about why these spaces are here and who might need to use them.

That was a brilliant response. It says exactly what it needs to.

Near me someone recently avoided illegally parking in a blue badge space by parking across it so that nobody else could use it. Some people just don't think...

vdbfamily · 26/09/2014 12:08

Just out of interest,and I am not condoning the behaviour but.....

There are two types of residential disabled parking bay:

Formal (statutory) bay. This bay is legally enforceable and in addition to the marking on the carriageway includes a post and sign. It requires the making of a traffic order and therefore involves significant administration and much greater cost to install.

Informal disabled bay. This has no legal force but comprises a marking on the carriageway and the word "disabled". It acts as a reminder to neighbours and visitors to respect the needs of the disabled resident. However, since these bays are unenforceable they cannot be used in a controlled parking zone.

My job used to involve assessment of whether people needed a disabled parking bay. When there were difficulties with inconsiderate and sometimes abusive neighbours we did not sanction the bay because it was pointless.The neighbours knew that no-one could stop them parking in the bay so it would be a waste of resources.As a general rule,anything marked in white paint is discretionary and yellow paint is enforceable by law. So...your neighbour was not breaking any law,she was just being inconsiderate.
Disabled parking bays are of particular interest to me at the moment because I have a broken leg and am temporarily using a wheelchair/crutches for mobility. Strictly speaking I am not entitled to used DPB's but we have been and where possible have been into the shop/service station/visitor attraction and explained the situation. Everyone has been fine about it but strictly speaking we have been breaking the law. You cannot get a Blue Badge for a short term issue! But I guess that should be another thread!

Lweji · 26/09/2014 12:14

Near me someone recently avoided illegally parking in a blue badge space by parking across it so that nobody else could use it. Some people just don't think...

Surely that's illegal as well, as it's double parking.

vdbfamily · 26/09/2014 12:15

Sorry....hadn't read all the previous threads and most of this had been said already. But good to keep good relationships with your neighbours.I am sure,having seen you so upset, that she wont make the same mistake again.

PetulaGordino · 26/09/2014 12:19

i don't think you were rude. you just didn't let her think it was ok and that you were fine. that's a good thing

noddingoff · 26/09/2014 12:23

Somewhere, on another thread, on another forum, there is probably somebody posting:
"Aaaagh! Most mortified I have ever been. I parked in a disabled space to go to the gym, thought it would be fine as I was only there an hour and I didn't expect the owner to come back. Came back to find the owner who had just about made it to her front door, not only walking with a stick but laden with bags and with a toddler in tow who looked like she might collapse with effort of god knows how far she had to walk (cos there weren't any spaces nearby or i would've used one), who then burst into tears. I feel awful. I'm never ever using a disabled space again"
Good on you OP to educate someone- pity she couldn't have envisioned the consequences of her actions herself- but I think the sight of a disabled pregnant lady in tears will be burned into her conscience now to good effect. She is probably genuinely remorseful (would have to be some sort of non-human stone hearted being if not)

YouTheCat · 26/09/2014 12:27

If she's the type to park in a disabled bay when she knows her neighbour needs it then she'll be one of those who also parks in disabled bays in car parks. It's most definitely not that she didn't realise. It's because she doesn't care. Her convenience is paramount in her mind and sod everyone else. And while, her apology and embarrassment may be genuine you can bet it was only because she was called out on her selfish behaviour.

PetulaGordino · 26/09/2014 12:30

OP you shouldn't think of yourself as rude for saying, in a clear and totally non-abusive way, "your actions have caused me huge difficulties"

stripeysmartie · 26/09/2014 12:33

I find all this what she did is "unforgivable" talk a bit OTT- unless she does it repeatedly. Make a mistake once and be damned as an "arsehole" forever. It would have to be a massive mistake and very serious for me to feel that someone is never to be forgiven for a mistake/a bad decision. Parking in the disabled parking space was clearly an inconsiderate and thoughtless thing to do, but not the crime of century.

Definitely OTT.
To read some of the comments on here, you would think some people had never made a mistake in their entire lives!
They must all be walking round with halos above their heads.

Yes the woman made a mistake and what she did was out of order. I doubt whether she will ever do it again. And I understand why the OP was upset.
But, I think the OP should accept that a mistake was made, forgive the woman and move on. Who knows, if this woman is a close neighbor, they could even become friends.

(of course in MN land that would never happen, but in RL people often forgive each other for mistakes made and move on with their lives)

trulybadlydeeply · 26/09/2014 12:34

If she's genuinely sorry, she'll be round soon with flowers/chocolates/wine and will want to make amends.

If she's not sorry, and she hasn't learned from what you said to her, she'll be scuttling to and from her house hoping not to bump into you again...

19lottie82 · 26/09/2014 12:35

Hi OP

I totally feel for you, but just before you call 101, if you haven't already, what colour is your marked space? If it's white, rather than yellow......

"Disabled parking spaces for residents are known as ADPPPs. This stands for Advisory Disabled Persons Parking Place, and are marked out on the road with white paint outside your home.

ADPPP road markings are advisory only and rely on the goodwill of other vehicle drivers to operate. There is no action that the Council or the Police can take to prevent anyone from parking within the ADPPP marking. The Police should, therefore, not be contacted"

Just pointing this out as my ex neighbour had one that people kept parking in and he contacted the council, who told him the above.

Still shit of that woman to park in your space tho, hopefully she wont do it again!

stripeysmartie · 26/09/2014 12:39

If she's genuinely sorry, she'll be round soon with flowers/chocolates/wine and will want to make amends.

It would be good if she did do this. Hopefully OP would see it as a peace offering and accept the gifts in a gracious manner (and ask for a lift to go and collect her car)

This is assuming the woman is a nice person. But I always see good in people (most people have a good side)

ouryve · 26/09/2014 12:41

It's a shame you don't know where she lives, as you could ask her to help you get your stuff to your car.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/09/2014 12:44

I agree with YoutheCat.

Decent people just don't do that.

She wouldn't have just had a momentary lapse.of consideration but undoubtedly does it loads and got caught out.

Hopefully she will have lesson now

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/09/2014 12:47

Kindness of deed appears dead round here.

The minute traffic wardens clock off the disabled spaces are full of people wanting to park near the gym.

Was heartened to see a man telling off someone for parking in disabled space recently until I heard what he was actually saying was "dont park there the wardens are really strict round here, they are horrible".

Bottom line..if you park in a disabled space merely for the reason that you CBA walking a few minutes then you are a massive dick.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/09/2014 12:48

You were too nice to the woman IMO Wink

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/09/2014 12:55

Kidding. You dealt with it perfectly IMO

Original poster
Bearsinmotion · 26/09/2014 12:59

It is confusing - the paint is in white, but there is a sign as well. As I said, an overzealous neighbour called 101 when a car had edged into the space (I could still get in) and they came round and knocked on doors. It was also a long process to get the space - checked with the parish council, county council, emergency services, posters announcing the intent. So it appears to be enforceable.

I don't really want flowers or anything - I'm quite introverted, DP is usually the one up for confrontation and dealing with apologies. But then I don't really want to bump into her and it be awkward Confused.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/09/2014 13:01

I'd be almost certain she wasnt confused but just ignored the sign. Especially since she said "sorry there wasn't anywhere else left".

PetulaGordino · 26/09/2014 13:03

it won't be awkward because of you. i'm sure she knew where she was parking, and she thought she would get away with it. you held her to account, you spelled out exactly how she had personally made your life much more difficult. you shouldn't have to do that for people not to park in the disabled space, obviously, but if they do then you are not the one who should feel awkward. next time you see her, smile and say hello, or don't if you don't want to - you haven't done anything wrong

Original poster
Bearsinmotion · 26/09/2014 13:06

Looking at this I think it is definitely enforceable - there was a traffic regulation order, and before the space that part of the road was double yellow lines as the road is quite narrow.

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 26/09/2014 13:31

It seems to vary from county to county but as you say, if it has a sign marked with blue disabled sign explaining restriction it looks like it is enforceable.

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