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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who should be invited him or me?

180 replies

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/09/2014 18:20

My daughter is getting married (we have no issues with our relationship) I am paying for the vast majority of the wedding,and she would obviously like me to come and I would very much like to attend.

The issue with this is my ex husband is apparently also being invited, now under normal circumstances I would say it was down to both of us to put any differences aside for for the sake of one day however this is not a normal circumstance.

I have a life time none molestation order against him prohibiting him from coming within a certain distance of me or communicating with me in any way (the venue is not large enough to accommodate the distance required) three of my other children are also covered by this order. Several times the order has been breached i have only had to call the police once the rest of the time neighbours/friends and a couple of times local police officers have seen him and it has been death with

Without wanting to go into a huge amount of detail about why I have the order think along the lines of arson with intent to endanger life/GBH/ false imprisonment that sort of thing.

However my DD does not know why i have the order nor does she know what happened and will not discuss the matter and I would rather not go into it with her.

Pertinent information, he is not her father and has never had a fatherly role with her,until today I had no idea they even spoke. He is also the type of person who would delight in showing up and making me leave.

For almost 4 years I have been incredibly careful to avoid places and functions that he would be likely to be invited to but I'm pretty sure my own child's wedding should be different and I shouldn't be the one to have to decline the invite.

So am I being UR and selfish by asking her not to invite him?

OP posts:
jacks365 · 26/09/2014 06:54

Flowers Needs enjoy the wedding in peace Flowers

ajandjjmum · 26/09/2014 09:08

Enjoy the wedding!

ChippingInLatteLover · 26/09/2014 09:36

That's a good start :)

You need to keep talking though, because there was a lot that went wrong to get you where you got to. If you want a good adult relationship with her, you both need to talk to see how it got there.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/09/2014 21:51

One thing that jumps out at me from your OP is that you've spent the last 4 years avoiding any functions your exH might be invited to. Please forgive me if I'm overstepping but I can't help feeling that it's very wrong and unjust that YOU are the one missing out on things, not him. Have you protected him in a sense; have you played down what he did to you, out of fear or embarrassment? Because that sticks in my throat a bit, if you are missing out on living your life to the full to appease this monster in some way

I avoid the functions and him because he is such a vile evil piss poor excuse for a human being and I prefer to operate my life in a way that I don't get reminded that he exists. And to be perfectly frank its no loss not socialising with people who value him as a part of their life or visiting venues that are happy to have him in them as not doing so enriches my life.

OP posts:
Littleturkish · 26/09/2014 21:56

So pleased you've had this outcome. Well done. Must have been an incredibly hard thing to do and I'm so pleased your daughter made the right decision.

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