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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave our DCs in our house while we go next door for dinner?

321 replies

Tapewormuprising · 22/09/2014 12:58

Our neighbours have invited us for dinner next week and i was wondering what people's thoughts were on this.

We live in a semi-detached house on a quiet road. Our DCs are 8 and 15 months. 8 year old will be in bed reading and will fall asleep at about 8.30 and our 15 month old will be asleep with a baby monitor (we will be able to get signal next door. There is also a movement sensor). We'll be one room away really.

So, will we be awful parents if we leave them?

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 22/09/2014 16:17

I would, yes.

CheerfulYank · 22/09/2014 16:19

Mine are similar ages to yours (seven and 16 months) and I don't think I would. Something about it just seems wrong. Although DH and I sometimes have a bonfire in our yard while the DC are sleeping and I'm probably farther away in that instance than you would be.

I think my worry would be the little one choking? Though why I don't know.

I might presumably leave my 7 year old though.

merrymouse · 22/09/2014 16:19

Why take the risk if you can invite the couple to your house (and they can bring food and or drink) or put the children to bed at the neighbour's house?

It just seems less hassle to be in the same house as the children.

Random1999 · 22/09/2014 16:19

i've done nothing but point out risks.... All of which can and DO happen, doesnt matter happen about the chance.

Random1999 · 22/09/2014 16:20

doesnt matter about the chance * sorry guys my laptop likes to duplicate words :S

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/09/2014 16:22

Just take a travel cot and ready bed to your neighbours house and pop the kids to bed there. The chances of something going wrong are slight but not worth the risk when their is a simple solution. You would risk losing your job too if someone found out you'd done this and reported you.

Original poster
Tapewormuprising · 22/09/2014 16:24

Combust, that is an awful thing to say. That was a very rare tragedy and totally different circumstances.

Yes, i am a childminder, but i'm talking about my own children, not someone else's! I do plenty of things with my own children that i wouldn't dream of doing with a mindee. I think the point i was trying to make was that my house is childproof and my fire alarms and carbon monoxide detectors are checked daily.

At my PIL, both the DS's are further away and through more doors than they would be here. We even (shock horror) sit in the garden sometimes, so we would be much further away.

My 8yo hasn't gotten out of bed (apart from to go to the loo) since he was about 4. He's a sensible lad.

OP posts:
StripyBanana · 22/09/2014 16:33

No I wouldn't. I'm not sure I'd use a childminder I knew did too... simply as my assessment of risks would be different to hers and it would worry me what else they were prepared to risk!

I too know of a housefire where one person ended up in a burns unit for a while, and the other occupant only just saved them. That was in a room in the same house. If you add leaving one house, finding keys, opening door etc. No way. I guess being aware of the risks makes you more cautious. I would sit in the garden with the patio doors open though.

Random - so sorry to hear your story.

KellyElly · 22/09/2014 16:39

Threads like this always surprise me. Nipping to shop across the road to the shop while child is asleep = terrible parent, leaving 15 month old in house alone (even if you are next door) = fine (general consensus).

windchime · 22/09/2014 16:42

I just couldn't, wouldn't leave them. Never have left my kids to their own devices, and never will. Surely it would be illegal to leave them home alone anyway Confused

KittenOverlord · 22/09/2014 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/09/2014 16:48

EllyKelly - I agree with you that the MN consensus does vary surprisingly at times. I think it depends on the tone of the first 10 or so posts which set the tone of the rest of the thread.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2014 16:48

How is a prawn cocktail and an overdone steak at the next neighbours worth taking a risk with your children for ?

I don't get it.

It's not a life or death situation. Nobody will suffer from not having this dinner party. Why tempt fate ?

KittenOverlord · 22/09/2014 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beastofburden · 22/09/2014 16:52

I guess I would just take the easy route and have your neighbours round to your place instead.

Darkandstormynight · 22/09/2014 17:10

YANBU, but I have done it and wouldn't do it again. Felt too guilty afterwards, but that was just me.

Viviennemary · 22/09/2014 17:13

I certainly would use a childminder who thought it was safe to leave small children alone in an empty house.

PedlarsSpanner · 22/09/2014 17:20

Just host the supper at your home

Easy

SweetsForMySweet · 22/09/2014 17:28

I wouldn't do it no matter how near the neighbours lived. Leaving an 8 year old home alone minding a 15 month old HmmShock. I too would think twice about using a childminder who shows such poor judgement does things like that. Sadly MM was the first person to spring to mind when I read the op, her parents will never recover, they'll have to live with that regret until the day they die. Is going to dinner in someone else's house really that important to you, that you would leave your children home alone rather than having the neighbours come to you? An 8 year old is a child, no matter how confident or "mature" you think he is.

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 22/09/2014 17:30

I would do it.

I live in a semi, when the beasties were day time napping, I used to hop over the fence and share lunch with my NDN. I was all of 12 feet away.

I really dont see a problem - proved the front door is lockable and the 8yo cant wake up and go wandering.

Aherdofmims · 22/09/2014 17:31

I wouldn't. I agree with inviting them to yours.

Or at most leave the 8 yo with a monitor and take baby with you.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 22/09/2014 17:32

What it boils down to OP is that you would be leaving the dcs in their home alone. Irrespective of actual distance to the next house. They would be alone in the family home whilst you were in another home.

The fact that you are a CM should make you more inclined to want to have them minded as if they did report you it would jeopardise your livelihood.

I also havent seen a respnse as to why they cant come to you.

comfycushion · 22/09/2014 17:33

I am a social worker and if you did and someone reported you be prepared for the consequences.

AmysTiara · 22/09/2014 17:34

I wouldn't do it and I don't think I'm particularly over cautious. 8 is a bit too young for me.

Sallystyle · 22/09/2014 17:35

I wouldn't do it.

Funnily enough I have no problem being at the end of the garden when mine are upstairs and I do not live in fear of fires, disasters etc and not over protective as a rule, but for me I don't think I would be able to relax, but yet I can't think of one single logical reason why not.

So I wouldn't judge anyone who did it, I don't think it is dangerous or even risky, It's just not for me.

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