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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave our DCs in our house while we go next door for dinner?

321 replies

Tapewormuprising · 22/09/2014 12:58

Our neighbours have invited us for dinner next week and i was wondering what people's thoughts were on this.

We live in a semi-detached house on a quiet road. Our DCs are 8 and 15 months. 8 year old will be in bed reading and will fall asleep at about 8.30 and our 15 month old will be asleep with a baby monitor (we will be able to get signal next door. There is also a movement sensor). We'll be one room away really.

So, will we be awful parents if we leave them?

OP posts:

PiperIsOrange · 22/09/2014 14:10

No way, the trouble is the doors will I assume be locked and in a moment of panic keys don't go into doors.

Have you tried opening your door when busting for the loo, it take 10x longer.

waitingforthegroundtoopen · 22/09/2014 14:14

We do this with dd, but only because we can leave the front door open and the neighbour's door open as we share a main frontdoor. We have the monitor on but she can wonder down and find us with ease if she wants to. Our houses used to be one, so we are still technically in the house. I wouldn't feel comfortable if we were locking her in and going next door through.

We've done it since she was going to bed earlier than us at about 11 months old and have never had a problem. Neighbours also use this arangement when they've baby sit for the odd evening when I've needed to be out after bed time.

Littledidsheknow · 22/09/2014 14:16

On the face of it it seems safe enough, but are you absolutely sure the 8YO would be happy with this? Think mine wouldn't be.
Also, what if he pipes up about being left on his own at school or to others... you may find you have some explaining to do!
Just get a babysitter!

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/09/2014 14:18

What if there's a power cut?
A monster under the bed?
A daddy long legs behaving threateningly?...

My standard operating procedure is to call to them that I'm coming, to reassure them.

Can't do that if you're next door....

waitingforthegroundtoopen · 22/09/2014 14:19

And we are actually a short distance walk away from her bedroom in their living room than our living room or dining room.

Quenelle · 22/09/2014 14:19

No. I wouldn't be able to relax if there wasn't a responsible person on the same side of a locked door as my son.

A friend of mine was once invited to a BBQ in his NDN's garden. He went, but stayed on his side of the fence. He's a big, fit fella who could leap a fence without difficulty if he had to, but psychologically he wasn't comfortable leaving his own garden when his kids were asleep in the house.

Vintagejazz · 22/09/2014 14:30

I would actually feel easier about leaving a baby than an 8 year old in the house. An eight year old will be aware that there's no adult in the house and might feel quite scared, even though they know you're only next door. A baby, as long as you come running if he starts to cry, won't know any different.

rainbowfeet · 22/09/2014 14:30

I wouldn't.. But I would just worry what the 8 year old is up to..

At 8 my dd was still doing silly things like drawing on walls, cutting her own hair & climbing kitchen surfaces in search of treats!!

PeonyStick · 22/09/2014 14:33

I can see your thought process and the logic, but I am fraid its a complete 'no way'. There is no legal age that yoy can leave children by themselves , only NSPCC guidance of 14 yrs . or until deemed competant. It is a huge amount of responsibility on an 8 year old child and IF anything did happen...... ( climbing out of cot, falls, illness, fire, breakins..... - anything). You would be deemed negligent under section 47 of the Childrens Act. It would be classed as neglect.

I know it seems crazy as you are the same amount of physical distance away, but the fact is you would be at a different address.

Original poster

Tapewormuprising · 22/09/2014 14:37

Unfortunately both of our babysitters are away at the moment.

8YO would be absolutely totally fine. He would like the responsibility. There is no way he'd decide to 'wander down the road'! He has walkie talkies so we can be in instant contact with him too.

Power cut= torch he uses to get around at night.

Monster= we haven't had a 'monster under the bed' for a good few years now.

Our doors open from the inside and are locked from the outside. 8yo knows the fire escape plan as i'm a childminder and we review it regularly. But really, we would hear the alarm at the same time as them, so i really don't anticipate it being more of a problem than it would be if we were in the house.

OP posts:

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/09/2014 14:38

My 8 year old is like a stealth ninja child after bedtime.

I frequently wander to the loo from the front room, and on the way discover she has been out for a drink (glass on side),a wee (loo roll on floor),to raid dads change pot (note asking dad for a pound),or dress up the dog (dog looking haunted with a bedful of hats)....

I dread to think how far she could extent her repertoire if I weren't in the building!

PixieofCatan · 22/09/2014 14:39

I am on the fence. I can see the whole "In a big house you wouldn't hear..." type thing as I work in a big house (as a nanny) and if the toddler woke up screaming I wouldn't hear her unless I was in the room directly under her or upstairs. But it's the idea of being in a separate building that bothers me. A separate building in which they cannot leave if there is a fire, which I would be paranoid about even though it's unlikely!

PixieofCatan · 22/09/2014 14:40

X-post OP, but what about your toddler in the event of an emergency? 8yo couldn't be responsible for his younger sibling.

MrsStark1 · 22/09/2014 14:41

I wouldn't as accidents take seconds. By the time you got through doors especially in a panic it could be to late.

Obviously every precaution would be taken in the first place but these things happen. I would be worried about things like fire and choking. My 8 year old would freeze and cry if he was scared and it was an emergency.

merrymouse · 22/09/2014 14:48

I'd be more likely to bring them over, put them to sleep in a bedroom in the neighbour's house and then carry them back at the end of the night.

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/09/2014 14:54

Are you the only guests?

If so, could your neighbours bring the food over and cook at yours?
Or could you postpone until one of your babysitters is back?

OfaFrenchMind · 22/09/2014 15:02

I would. On the premise the baby phone is working in tip top condition.
IMHO, a confident 8 yo child should be able to stay home alone with mom and dad next door without burning it to the ground or being scared of their own shadow. They are 8, not 5!! Overdependance is not going to teach them anything. Staying alone in this safe way would instead give them a boost in confidence and in responsibility.

Random1999 · 22/09/2014 15:11

At 12 I ran through a burning kitchen and damn near killed myself saving my 4 year old half brother, the ceiling fell down 10 seconds or so after we cleared the back door, I'm still scarred on my hand from opening the kitchen door (handle was metal, doesnt mix with fire) the front door was locked and I had no access to a key. We both survived, barely. but if i'd woken up 1 minute later, I wouldn't be here today. the smoke woke me up as there were no batteries in the firealarm. yours could easily malfunction. my dad was 2 doors down and had been out for just 55 minutes when firefighters arrived. I wouldn't do it. we were both older than yours and I still could have easily curled up in my bed frozen in fear and 3 years on I still don't know how I managed to not only get myself out of there alive but my baby brother too. I don't know if i could have at 8 years old, Even if i could have I wouldnt want to. not now and not ever. it is not worth the risk.

Random1999 · 22/09/2014 15:13

Just playing the devils advocate, I'd heavily advise against it. I am biased, but IF you do. make sure the monitor is always turned up and with you and if you can put a baby monitor in your 8 year olds room make sure the back door is unlocked and make sure your fire alarm works.

Random1999 · 22/09/2014 15:14

also give your 8 year old instructions on how to dial 999 what to say and make sure your 8 year old can recite your address and post code.

poolomoomon · 22/09/2014 15:20

Hmm I wouldn't. The first thing that popped into my head was the obvious Madeline. I know that was different, they weren't next door but that's exactly what it made me think of. It's the same logic isn't it? I'm only around the corner and I'll be going in to check regularly so it should be fine. I guess this is different because you have the monitor so can hear everything and run around in seconds but still...

I wouldn't personally. I wouldn't be able to relax at all. Maybe as someone else suggested leaving the 8 YO with the monitor and taking the 15 MO with you to sleep upstairs in a travel cot.

noddyholder · 22/09/2014 15:21

notagainffffffffs · 22/09/2014 15:24

I wouldn't because im a bit terrified of house fires.

notagainffffffffs · 22/09/2014 15:25

Wow random1999! Very brave xxx

Random1999 · 22/09/2014 15:25

Cant they come around to yours?

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