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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am not too skinny?

247 replies

WhatALovelySingingVoice · 21/09/2014 20:16

I used to be quite overweight - at my heaviest I was around 13 stone at 5'2 but over the last year I've been trying really hard to lose weight and I'm now 9 stone.

I really don't think 9 stone at 5'2 is anywhere near too skinny but ever since I've reached this weight a couple of months ago I've been getting comments non-stop about how "skinny" I am.

Last week both my mum and my sister pulled me aside to tell me they were very concerned as I am "wasting away" and they really think I should say a doctor as it's not healthy being "this thin". Then later on that day my sister sent me an e-mail with links to various websites with information about eating disorders, anorexia and the health risks of being underweight with a message saying I really should get checked out Confused. Then yesterday my mum gave me a huge half hour lecture about being too skinny and went on about a TV show she'd seen about people who were too skinny and the effects on their health it was having Confused.

I've also had other comments from other people about how they think I've lost a bit too much, how I looked better this time last year, etc.

But really...I'm not too skinny am I?

Am I being unreasonable or are they?

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 22/09/2014 16:15

this is the only thing I can find about Hilde Bruch's interest in the surprisingly high numbers of obese children during the Great Depression

Taub's book as a whole though is a bit too head fucking for me, the paucity of any actual evidence for the whole calories in calories out equation undermines the very fabric of my existence

TalkinPeace · 22/09/2014 16:16

Kale is YUMMY Grin

Humans have evolved for tens of thousands of years in an environment where food was hard to get.
Those genetic lines that were NOT good at storing fat died out in the ice age.

NOW food is all too easy to get
so our genetics are dumping us in it

the only way to stay lean in developed countries nowadays is to develop a sport habit or with constant significant willpower

Mintyy · 22/09/2014 16:20

I've seen some quite convincing stuff about obesity being linked to use of anti-biotics and the consequent permanent reduction of certain beneficial gut bacteria.

If they put the good gut bacteria into obese mice they become normal weight again, or summat like that.

Mintyy · 22/09/2014 16:22

I love kale, cabbage, broccoli, brussells sprouts - all of those green veg. And still I'm a disgusting fat individual with no self control Hmm.

RabbitOfNegativeEuphoria · 22/09/2014 16:22

Talkin I don't think it takes significant willpower. I think it just requires a mindset that appears to be very different from the 'norm'. This is what the vested interests play on. Fuel has been rebranded as 'treat' 'luxury' 'comfort' 'compensation' 'art' 'hobby' etc. The point of eating has been lost. I completely lack willpower - I can't walk past a bookshop without spending too much money. Not buying into the deification of food isn't having willpower. In fact, attributing not buying in to the current orthodoxy to willpower is, in a sense, bolstering all the messages the orthodoxy pushes - that conspicuous consumption is good, nice, lovely etc.

RabbitOfNegativeEuphoria · 22/09/2014 16:35

Mintyy if all you eat is kale cabbage broccoli and sprouts then I'm amazed you can ever get off the loo! Shock

There are many many medical reasons why people may become fat. But the obesity crisis is down to one thing and that's the change in attitude towards food, and that has been pushed by the people with a vested financial interest.

Darkandstormynight · 22/09/2014 16:43

I agree with being jealous. Five years ago I lost 32 lbs. and I looked healthy and not skinny. Not one of my good friends said a Thing about it, neither my close family (other than dh...he was VERY supportive!) I wasn't looking for a hurrah party, but as my family had said some rather not nice things to me when I was overweight, I expected at least a, "You look nice" kind of thing. Nothing.

I had more aquaintances and not-close friends compliment me. I chalked it up to jealousy. I've since gained a bunch of it back, and I am dreading a family visit since I know "that" they will comment on.

Congratulations on your weight loss!! I never expected when I made such a major accomplishment I would get no recognition from my close friends. It just goes to show you how ridiculous jealousy can be!

Suzannewithaplan · 22/09/2014 17:45

imo in a few generations we will have evolved (via epi-genetics-the genome is actually far more plastic than most are aware) such that we'll be able to be fat without it having a negative effect on our health

Suzannewithaplan · 22/09/2014 17:49

also consider leptin resistance

itsbetterthanabox · 22/09/2014 17:49

Suzanne I don't mention peoples weight in a positive or negative way. Congratulating people can be just as toxic as telling them to change. It's simply none of my business.
When I have lost weight before I don't want people commenting, same as if I gain it. It's my body and I don't change it to look attractive to others.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 22/09/2014 18:12

Can I just add that the healthy weight range for our height OP (yes im another short arse) goes right down to 7st 9lbs. 9 stone is actually fairly near the top end of the healthy weight range for that height. I'm currently 9 stone but I've been weight training a lot so I'm very toned and I think judging by my clothes, that my body is the same size it was at over a stone lighter. My natural weight always sat at the very bottom of the healthy weight range, at around 7st 10 and I still had curves at that weight. I'm just very petite. It takes a fair amount of weightloss below the healthy weight boundaries to start looking actually gaunt. For my it was 6.5 stone when I started to look too thin and that's over a stone lower than the lower bracket of healthy weight. At that weight my periods stopped and I was fairly ill. I agree that peoples perceptions of what "healthy" look like are becoming v v skewed. Bigger is becoming the norm.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 22/09/2014 18:14

And that 6.5 stone weight was due to abuse and my subsequent depression rather than anorexia and wanting to be thin, just incase anyone wants to argue that my own weight perceptions are skewed.

poolomoomon · 22/09/2014 18:29

When I was a healthy weight pre-children (gained a lot during my three close together pregnancies, have lost a little over 5 stone and have another stone and half to go till goal) I bounced between 10 and 11 stone. I'm 5 foot 7 so both are perfectly healthy and normal. When I went down to 10 stone everyone said I was 'wasting away' and they were concerned for me. One person said I resembled a lollipop- charming. 10 stone is by no means light! But it obviously didn't suit me.. When I look at pictures now of me at ten stone I can sort of see what they meant, I was a bit too thin for my frame. I'm naturally an hourglass, at ten stone it made my boobs shrink to near nothingness and a lot of my shape disappeared iykwim. I always looked a lot healthier and happier with a slightly fuller figure but still a healthy weight.

Likewise with my DM. When she loses a lot of weight she looks sick, she always looks better with a bit more meat on her bones so to speak but still within that healthy range.

I'm not saying by any means that this is the case for you! I'm sure you look fab and well done with the loss. I'm just giving that sort of perspective that sometimes it doesn't suit the person, they may still be a healthy BMI but it's too low of a weight for them and they look slightly emaciated. I've seen a few celebs as well that lose a lot of weight and it appears to be too much because their face all draws in.

So that could be where they're coming from, perhaps devils advocate here. They could also be jealous if they're overweight themselves or it could just be the shock of the change and they'll get used to it.

VenusRising · 22/09/2014 18:56

OP this is the same pressure that people report when they've given up drinking, and their old drinking buddies have a go at their sobriety.

Just revel in how wonderful you feel and how fit and vital you are with lots of energy to burn and no pain.

You have to learn how to avoid those who would stab you in the back because you aren't dancing the old dance anymore.

I know it's hard and people can be really mean with comments. I got lots of "oh you're melting" and "you're wasting away" from some of the mums at the school gate.
Whenever I've had a great week and exercised and watched my portions, my mum also has a go with how gaunt I must be. (She has an eating disorder and body dysmorphia) I've learned to think about food the same as alcohol, and to just let the comments wash over me.

Other people's opinions are just that- other people's opinions, and have nothing to do with how I feel about myself.

Keep up the good work. Don't dance to their tune. Live your own life and F them if they try and pull you back down to make them feel better about their own choices. You're on the right path! Keep going! Ignore the naysayers!
Remember how good you feel and move on.

naty1 · 22/09/2014 19:43

5'4 8 st 9 so normal weight.
I have been 7st 7 to 11st (pg).
I think bmi is generous and healthy is at the lower end of the scale.
Anorexia fear seems to have contributed.

People push sugary sweet/biscuit/cakes. They bring them to peoples houses and feed them to your kids.
All our holidays are eating xmas, easter, halloween, birthdays, leaving dos.
DD is allergic to soya - its like an affront to PIL that we dont feed her chocolate. Last visit FIL gave her choc chip cake. Aside from the soya we had already just fed her , including a large portion of pudding but he didnt know as he wasnt there but then decided as he was eating she should have something.
Maybe that is the point people dont want to be rude/greedy eating alone and others dont want to be rude by refusing.
Why do women have the same portions as men when eating out??? If all it takes is extra 50cals a day. Making women overweight, larger appetites.

Yes it is jealousy. Sometimes its genuine concern, which makes sense if the person approaches bmi under 19 maybe.

itsbetterthanabox · 22/09/2014 20:01

Naty what evidence do you have for saying health is the lower end of the bmi scale?

TalkinPeace · 22/09/2014 20:07

Itsbetter
current guidance is that people of Asian and African origin should aim for a BMI of between 17.5 and 23 (due to the way visceral fat is held on the body)

the "healthy weight" boundary was changed two years ago to be 18.5 to 24.9 for the rest of the population

the other really good corollary for body fat (which is what we are really talking about)
is the height / waist measurement : and that is for most people at below BMI 23

Fabulassie · 22/09/2014 20:17

Yes, the only really useful measurement we can achieve without a laboratory (except, perhaps, calipers for body fat measurement) is hip-to-waist ratio. I have a pretty straight-up-and-down torso, so I have to get pretty lean for my waist to be much smaller than my hips. Meanwhile, other women may carry their weight in their hips and buttocks, and they actually do have a lower risk of cardiovascular disease and diabetes.

naty1 · 22/09/2014 20:30

'I think'
But the reason i think so is as i have pre diabetes and pcos.
As its a range people with very low bmi in the range probably do look thinish and high end look chubby.
I managed to have a bmi around 25 at full term.
Also bmi is a tool so hence the range to avoid telling people to all have a bmi of x.

I think as women and or shorter people we just have to accept it wont take a lot to tip us into overweight and you may always have to pay attention to what you eat.

(I wish i was taller)

If 3/4 people are overweight and x% dieting. That doesnt leave a lot of naturally thin people eating whatever they want. Also some are going to be picky eaters or prefer healthier foods or hyperthyroid

TalkinPeace · 22/09/2014 20:31

not hip to waist .... height to waist

your waist should be less than half your height - for men as well as women

Mintyy · 22/09/2014 20:33

What evidence is there that people with a bmi of 25 die younger than people with a bmi of 20?

Fabulassie · 22/09/2014 20:48

No, Hip-to-Waist is considered more accurate.

SaucyJack · 22/09/2014 20:53

There's a far simpler and easier way than BMI or waist-hip ratio to tell if you need to lose weight.

Just take your clothes off and jump up and down in front of a mirror. If it looks bad- you need to put the pies down.

YouTheCat · 22/09/2014 20:55

puts down pie and puts clothes back on Grin

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