Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To ask if you do this...

132 replies

LokiBear · 21/09/2014 18:13

Do you buy your other children presents on the birthday child's birthday? Genuinely interested because my parents didn't but it seems that many of the family's, whom I met at baby groups when I had dd, do.

OP posts:

TarkaTheOtter · 23/09/2014 11:35

Maybe I'm naive but I think they'll probably learn all that either way. With siblings they're exposed to the jealousy part every day. I just don't think it matters if the exception is made for birthdays when there little. I honestly can't see how getting a token present on sibling birthdays is that big of a deal when they are little. It's not like they are getting equal presents/attention.
I don't think I'll bother but I expect the grandparents might and I can't get that worked up about it. Birthdays are meant to be fun days not a learning experience.

Surfsup1 · 23/09/2014 11:47

I felt hurt by it when my sister got a present on my birthday. I think I just felt that she was being compensated for me having a special day.
It was one of the first things I was really aware of that I knew I would do differently when I was a parent.
I was very focused on fairness as a child, tbf.

Surfsup1 · 23/09/2014 11:52

Maybe I'm naive but I think they'll probably learn all that either way.

You're right to an extent - what my younger sister learnt was that if you make a pouty face and sulk/cry you get given things even if you don't deserve them or it's someone else's special day.
She still struggles with being happy for other people's successes without getting jealous and comparing her own lot.
Obviously not every child will react in the same way, but I think it is important to be very clear from early on that celebrating others is something that should make us happy not jealous.

TarkaTheOtter · 23/09/2014 11:54

I think it's nice to share the special day. But I don't think it matters, whatever works for your family. I'm just amazed that it gets such strong responses. Maybe if the children are older, but for little ones? I'd just rather everyone was having a nice a day.

TarkaTheOtter · 23/09/2014 11:56

Your attributing all that to the fact that she also got a present from grandma on your birthday? Surely you got one on hers too?

Surfsup1 · 23/09/2014 12:02

No, because I was older and I wouldn't have had a tantie on her birthday. I'm not attributing it ALL to the the birthday thing, but it was part of a pattern IYSWIM? I think it's a bad thing to get into, but particularly on birthdays. I was annoyed by her being given things to pacify her on normal days, but I was hurt that even on my birthday she still got a gift.

It doesn't make perfect sense now, trying to put it into words as an adult, but it certainly made a big impression on me as a child.

Clarabell33 · 23/09/2014 12:03

I wouldn't because for me it takes something away from the specialness of the birthday child's own day. My cousin was a year and a few days younger than me, and always got presents on my and her birthday, while I only got presents on mine (and hers were bigger/better - bitter much?? ) and DH's brother, younger by 11.5 months, always got two lots of presents while DH as the elder was expected to be able to understand why he didn't get an extra present on his brother's birthday. This went on til they were well into their teens, while we stopped seeing my cousin for birthdays when we were still quite small so it didn't go on as long. I also think getting presents when it's not your birthday kind of devalues your actual birthday iyswim, so you might expect something exponentially bigger on your own birthday because 'small' presents are just the norm for non-birthdays.

MrsEames · 23/09/2014 12:09

I have never, EVER heard of this! No, I don't it's not their birthday, why would they get a present on someone elses birthday!?

RabbitSaysWoof · 23/09/2014 14:42

I think I totally get where your coming from surfsup that a chunk of your childhood revolved around preventing your sister crying, now shes still a brat because she never actually got around to developing that side of herself that could make her happy for others is that right?

ithoughtofitfirst · 23/09/2014 14:49

I have wondered about this... i only have the 1 dc atm so i don't know but i really don't think i would. Say if you all go for a nice meal or to the cinema then the sibling would have a nice day by default right?! I don't think my parents did it either. It's not really the done thing here i don't think i know anyone who does it.

hazeyjane · 23/09/2014 14:51

We do, and I didn't realise it was such a big deal! The other 2 always get a small 'non birthday' present, usually something really little that the birthday child gets too. They always really love the bit where they all get to open their non birthday gift!

hazeyjane · 23/09/2014 14:52

I also just have to add, they are generous and never jealous of each other's gift (well ds is a bit, but he doesn't quite get that he doesn't own everything!) and the dd's will often give their brother a gift of theirs to open and help each other open presents.

cherrybombxo · 23/09/2014 14:55

I'd find it strange - each child also gets their own birthday so they don't need to gatecrash their sibling's day!

middlings · 23/09/2014 15:00

Funnily enough I was having this conversation with DM and DMIL this weekend as it was DD2's first birthday. They were both very pleased to hear we wouldn't be doing this. I think it's important for the DDs to learn that there are days that are special for other people. DD1 (who is only 2.4) was a lovely big sister yesterday. Handed over her present with aplomb, sang happy birthday, told everyone we met it was her sister's birthday. we had one episode of envy but she found a solution by going and finding DD2's favourite ball and giving it to her which meant DD2 dropped the present with which DD1 wanted to play!

I have a colleague who does it, and I think it's odd TBH.

You stick to your guns OP.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 23/09/2014 15:05

I posted this on another thread but it seems quite apt, so....

I can beat the madness of buying someone else a gift on your birthday (wtf?!)

I dropped into conversation with my mum that it was almost a year to the day since we got our cat, and she replied.....

"Oh I remembered, I've got her a present but I haven't wrapped it up yet

I love my mum.

Ludways · 23/09/2014 15:07

No, it's not their special day. They get their own days, end of.

LoonytoadQuack · 23/09/2014 15:14

No. It's ridiculous.

NoodleOodle · 23/09/2014 15:15

I only had one DC so it didn't come up but, no I wouldn't do unbirthday presents.

My family didn't do it with me and my siblings. I'm not bothered by what other families do though and knew families who did when I was growing up.

Bambambini · 23/09/2014 15:34

SarahLDixon00 · 08/12/2014 19:55

I wouldn't do that. I usually give gift only to my child who is celebrating her/his birthday.

NancyRaygun · 08/12/2014 20:00

ummm I do! I buy one small gift for the other sibling on birthdays. Just something for them to unwrap too. Mine are only little so I might not continue it but I just though it was nice. I also buy for the siblings of close friends DC who are having a birthday (if that makes sense), but literally a token thing like a Peppa colouring book or something.

WalkWithTheLonelyOnes · 09/12/2014 11:06

I never saw my nan very often but when I did she would always bring small gift. Usually the freebie make up testers she got with her expensive face creams for me and a massive bag of coins for my sister. So when she came down for birthdays se would still bring them.

So on my birthdays my sister gets a huge bag of coins and on my sister's birthday I'd get a bag of miniature makeup bits.

Nancy66 · 09/12/2014 11:08

never. it really irritates me when people do this. Learning to share and understand that other children get presents and have birthdays and it's not all about them is an important part of growing up.

18yearstooold · 09/12/2014 11:11

No, my MIL does though and it drives me up the wall -I asked her to stop so she just did it behind my back instead

It was only ever something small but that was not the point, it's not their birthday!

needaholidaynow · 09/12/2014 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6