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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you do this...

132 replies

LokiBear · 21/09/2014 18:13

Do you buy your other children presents on the birthday child's birthday? Genuinely interested because my parents didn't but it seems that many of the family's, whom I met at baby groups when I had dd, do.

OP posts:
AggressiveBunting · 22/09/2014 07:13

My mum used to do this which is totally out of character because she is 100% out of the "Life's not fair" stable. I dont do it for mine, but other people do (so at DS's party, 3 people also brought a little gift for DD)

Redhead11 · 22/09/2014 07:32

Nope, never. My MIL insisted on doing this with my DDs and i sat down and explained to them that this was not the norm. I have never met anyone else who did this. She also wanted to give the kids gifts on my birthday and EX's birthday as well - although neither of us was going to receive anything from her! I put my foot down on that, and tried hard to stop her doing it on the DCs birthdays, but lost that battle. Yes, if there's a new baby, a gift for the older child/ren, but not on birthdays. How is it special for that one person if everyone gets something?

Meglet · 22/09/2014 09:14

Yes. The dc's get a new book when it's the other childs birthday, unwrapped though. And always educational.

It started because a) I'm a LP and wanted to make sure the non-birthday child had extra quiet time with me at the end of the day and b) I am incapable of going into waterstones and only buying one book Blush.

AnnaFiveTowns · 22/09/2014 09:55

Yes, when we were kids we always got a little token gift on siblings' birthdays and I do likewise for my kids. It's nonsense to say it makes the other child's birthday "not special." They have a big fuck off present, party, cards, cake etc - the other child has a small token gift. It lessens the resentment and jealousy that lots of younger children find it difficult to cope with.

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 22/09/2014 10:09

I only have twins Grin

sunbathe · 22/09/2014 10:20

I've never done it, though mil wanted to.
It would detract from the special day for the birthday person, imo.

MammaTJ · 22/09/2014 11:15

No, the non birthday child also benefits through having cake, so that is enough.

My DCs birthdays are two weeks apart though, so when it is DD's birthday, DS knows he only has 14 sleeps till his. They do fit in a visit to the in laws, so get a load of presents between their birthdays from uncles and GPs. They get them at the same time, as it is the only way they would get to see them open them.

poolomoomon · 22/09/2014 11:28

No and I don't understand why people do. It takes away from the person whose birthday it is IMO.

poolomoomon · 22/09/2014 11:28

No and I don't understand why people do. It takes away from the person whose birthday it is IMO.

SixImpossible · 22/09/2014 11:33

We used to when we only had the 2 dc, fairly close together in age. The non-birthday present would always be something fairly small for them to unwrap if they struggled watching their dsib unwrapping masses of gifts.

By the time dc3 came along we had stopped doing it, because dc1&2 were old enough to understand, and dc3 is very different to dc1&2 and rarely struggled to cope with things that totally threw 1&2.

MehsMum · 22/09/2014 11:35

No.
The only times they got presents on a sibling's birthday was when the sibling was born and there was 'a present from the baby'. These went down very well.

RabbitSaysWoof · 22/09/2014 17:00

Envy is a normal emotion tho, I'd rather not protect my child from the risk of maybe feeling a bit jealous for a day. I don't know how a person would develop emotionally if they are not allowed to experience a whole range of feelings.

trikken · 22/09/2014 17:14

No. Birthday presents for the birthday person only. It would get ridiculous otherwise. Kids have to learn to give. Plus they become spoilt and expect gifts all the time.

samlamb · 22/09/2014 17:18

I do they are called 'unbirthday presents'.

samlamb · 22/09/2014 17:19

We live in the midlands!

DrCarolineTodd · 22/09/2014 21:15

I know people who do this unbirthday present thing. I think it's ridiculous and sends out a terrible message.

Darkandstormynight · 22/09/2014 21:20

Dc is an only but I wouldn't. Why? I think sometimes everything has become a little too pc. I have a friend that 'can't' buy one child something expensive without getting the other child the exact same thing. These children are 6 years apart! Why should the 'little' one get a much more mature gift (electronics) because the older one is ready for it?

I don't say anything but I get the feeling she thinks it's because I have an an only. However, I came from a family with more than one and we learned about being grown up enough for certain gifts. She, on the other hand IS an only and doesn't get it. I just keep my mug shut!

DrCarolineTodd · 23/09/2014 08:59

RabbitSaysWoof said it best:

"Envy is a normal emotion tho, I'd rather not protect my child from the risk of maybe feeling a bit jealous for a day. I don't know how a person would develop emotionally if they are not allowed to experience a whole range of feelings."

Exactly!

treaclesoda · 23/09/2014 09:18

I don't do this, and I don't know anyone who does. I've never known kids to be jealous of a sibling getting a birthday present because even at a young age they understand that one day it will be their birthday and they'll get the present.

I feel very out of step with most of mumsnet though in that birthdays aren't a huge deal amongst my family and friends. I'm always open mouthed with shock when I see how hurt people are by other people not making a fuss of their birthday, because it's just not an issue amongst my loved ones.

AugustRose · 23/09/2014 09:44

I have never done this and don't agree with it but I know several others who do.

Plomino · 23/09/2014 09:57

God no . There's 5 DC's in our house that have to share the attention on 364 days of the year , so it's not much to ask for it to be all about them , by themselves for one day of the year .

SistersOfPercy · 23/09/2014 09:59

Yes, when they were smaller the other had a small token gift of a few pounds. I'm not really the person to set the bar by though given the kids get a Christmas present from the dog (and the DS's are late teens) Blush

TarkaTheOtter · 23/09/2014 10:09

I probably won't (youngest only 8months). But I don't see why it is so "bizarre" or "precious" or "pandering". I know some people who do and some who don't. I can't see why it really matters.

DrCarolineTodd · 23/09/2014 10:15

It matters because part of your job as a parent is to equip your DCs to exist in the world by allowing them to learn to handle different situations. Like being jealous. Or celebrating someone else's birthday without needing a present.

Surfsup1 · 23/09/2014 10:57

No, and I've had to stop my MIL from doing it too. I think it's v important for children to understand that some days are about other people.
My Granny always got my sister a present on my birthday and it always made me feel sad.