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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you do this...

132 replies

LokiBear · 21/09/2014 18:13

Do you buy your other children presents on the birthday child's birthday? Genuinely interested because my parents didn't but it seems that many of the family's, whom I met at baby groups when I had dd, do.

OP posts:
PestoSurfissimos · 21/09/2014 19:36

No

Lesleythegiraffe · 21/09/2014 19:38

I never heard of it till I went to live in SE England and iLs did it.

CatsCantTwerk · 21/09/2014 19:39

Nope.

SauvignonBlanche · 21/09/2014 19:40

YANBU to, ask though the topic has been done to death.
The consensus is, some people do and have a strong opinion on the subject, some people don't and have a strong opinion on the subject. Others, like me, think each to their own and don't see why people get het up over something so trivial.

oldgrandmama · 21/09/2014 19:42

Yes, just a tiny token gift. Did it for my own two kids and now do it for my five grandkids. But comes to a stop when child reached around eight or nine - they don't seem to mind at all.

RabbitSaysWoof · 21/09/2014 19:49

I wouldn't, I think its a bit precious for non bday child if they couldn't be expected to not get a present.

MomOfABeast · 21/09/2014 21:02

I think it's much better to have the other kid chose a present to I've to their sibling. Kids usually love giving sometimes more than receiving.

elQuintoConyo · 21/09/2014 22:16

Fuck no. Barmy idea. I had never heard such nonsense until I joined MN and I've lived all over the place.

fuzzpig · 21/09/2014 22:19

No. Jealousy hasn't been an issue yet (DCs are 5 and 7) and if it is, well tough!

TBH on birthdays the non-birthday child is usually just really excited to give them the gift they chose :)

lomega · 21/09/2014 22:20

There was a discussion about this on This Morning or the like, wasn't there? Can't remember now.

But noooo. I think this is wrong. Birthdays are special for that person born on the day. It's the one time of year where you can be a bit selfish. Growing up my parents called them 'I Want' days where you could demand (reasonably) whatever you wanted and weren't allowed to say please, for example 'I want a drink' or 'I want to play dolls house' etc. Then it was back to manners for the rest of the year :p

DramaAlpaca · 21/09/2014 22:23

My mum used to do this, but I never have.

Bluestocking · 21/09/2014 22:27

I've never met anyone who does this, and have only ever heard of this practice on MN.

manicinsomniac · 21/09/2014 22:35

I've never done this - possibly because there are fairly big gaps between my 3 (now aged 11, 7 and 0).

When I was little my parents used to get my sister and I a little present on each other's birthday up to the age of about 10ish.

I don't think either system hurts.

wigglesrock · 21/09/2014 22:58

No, we don't. My parents didn't do it for us and it never occurred to me to do it. My mother in law used to buy a few books/ crayons for the non birthday children but she hasn't done it for a few years.

WitchWay · 21/09/2014 23:12

I only have one child but wouldn't buy for the others if I had more. We only had presents on our own birthdays as children.

DH's family however give "Unbirthday" presents to the other children - I think this entirely unreasonable - children have to learn that it's not always all about them.

MrsBungle · 21/09/2014 23:16

No. We are in the midlands.

StillSquirrelling · 21/09/2014 23:32

Quite a few of my friends do this - I find it a most bizarre concept! Their reasoning is that the other sibling will feel sad and angry that they are not getting anything. I think it's a bad precedent to set with children. We are considered quite strict by a lot of our friends but feel slightly vindicated in that our three children behave well in all the ways that we feel important (bedtime/sleep, behaving in public, saying please/thank you/excuse me etc). It is important that children should develop a less egocentric view of life and birthdays are a good way of doing this.

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK · 22/09/2014 00:16

Yes my parents did this but only a tiny present and only when we were small.

HicDraconis · 22/09/2014 01:16

No, never have although according to MiL this makes me a horrible mother.

The non-birthday boy still gets to share cake, celebration meal, party activity and has a party bag so it's hardly unfair.

2 boys, 18 months between them.

I do give new brother/sister gifts for friends' children when I give new baby gifts.

KoalaDownUnder · 22/09/2014 06:53

No, and I think it's pandering at a ridiculous level. Hmm But each to their own, I suppose.

ladygracie · 22/09/2014 06:57

Yes I do.

Boysclothes · 22/09/2014 07:03

My brothers birthday was 6 days before mine, so I was super happy and excited for him on his day. I could afford to be magnanimous as I knew it was my turn coming shortly! But no, don't do thinks now and think it's silly.

backbystealth · 22/09/2014 07:03

I think we used to when the kids were very small - just a £1/2 token thing. We have three daughters very close in age so it made sense. None of them are selfish, entitled bastards as a result! It's not really a big deal.

nooka · 22/09/2014 07:09

No, in fact I've never heard of this before. I really don't understand the rationale either. My two are 16mths apart and I can't recall any unhappiness ever from the non-birthday child. Once they were old enough to understand the whole birthday concept they have been very excited about choosing and giving a gift, and have enjoyed the birthday party or meal out (now they are older). I wouldn't be very impressed if they were stroppy about celebrating their siblings birthday without some sort of bribe.

ProudAsPunch92 · 22/09/2014 07:11

No, absolutely not. It should be about the child whose birthday it is, and the other child(ren) should be taught to enjoy giving gifts as well as receiving them.