To be disappointed that my child is not clever?

[Whichusername]

Academically or otherwise. Said child is 5 years old and is always at the bottom of everything child tries (dance/sport, reading & maths etc.) Ofcourse I love my child but just wish child would shine in something. Am I alone?

I must mention that I never let my feelings show. I always praise child for effort etc. Child always cries when coming last in a race game with friends. I tell child that winning is not everything and to remember to have fun. I don't think it is so much about me actually. Child always wants to win in everything but never good enough. Breaks my heart. For child's sake I hope we find something that child will truly enjoy and maybe does not involve comparing self with peers. Child will be joining musical theatre soon as enjoys singing and drama.

Any words of wisdom?

Please be kind.

probably wise to not write him off as thick at 5. He is still yet to find his passions.

My first thought is that your use of 'child' sounds a bit cold. My second thought is that's s/he is 5 years old. Plenty of people don't 'shine' at anything much in particular till much later.

Just keep praising and encouraging. The emphasis should be on fun and participation rather than finding something they're the best at.

squoosh I assumed "child" was so he /she is not gendered in the post.

Your child will shine in something. But she's only little and she hasn't had enough time to find that thing yet.

Is she particularly good at being kind or thoughtful or at understanding and looking after other people? Just asking because in my experience of children, the ones that don't excel at any of the traditional skills like being sporty or academic are often well ahead of their peers in their social skills.

If it's purely for the child's sake, YANBU. For the sake of their happiness and confidence it's good for them to be good at something.

If it's for your own sake, YABVVVU.

Do all 5 year olds "shine" at something.

At 5 DS would have shined at hitting, and looking cute. Is now good at tennis but that certainly wasn't obvious at 5. I suspect even at 8, I don't really know what he's going to be good at.

And lets be honest how many of us are really exceptional at something? It really is much more about finding what you love not necessarily winning at it.

Hope your child enjoys the musical theatre. If s/he is friendly, kind and loving I think that's most important but I can understand how you'd love him/her to have an achievement to be proud of too.

Child is only 5

There will be millions of things they haven't even tried yet

Fair point panzee.

Great response Kew.

OP, mine are not old enough for this to have happened to me yet. Keep up the praise!

My goodness WHICHUSERNAME, it's early years yet, don't panic. Your child is fantastic at something, he/she just hasn't discovered it yet. My youngest boy (nephew, but long story) struggled all through school as he has dyslexia. He hated it and left as soon as he could, with barely any qualifications. His birth parents were not supportive but my DH and I encouraged him to continue doing what he was passionate about, computers.

He went to collage to study computers and excelled to the point that the tutors were asking HIM for advice! He's now in his second year at university, continuing to excell and has an online thing that has over 70,000 followers.

This is the boy that was a mischief in school and the teachers felt had no skills to get a 'good' career.

Just be patient and continue to encourage your little one. He/she will find their talent if you continue to support them. Chin up.

You know, I totally understand where you are coming from, dd 7 has ASD and developmental delays, and it breaks my heart that she is not like her NT peers and that ds 2.7 years, whilst a happy and sunny little boy, is delayed in speech and language and some other areas. It makes me sad that his peers are chattering away and he is still talking in baby language or not communicating at all at pre school. Why can't my kids be like other kids. Of course I don't let that show to them and praise them always.

You know what, your child is only 5, not fully developed yet, and probably is a late bloomer, will show his passions and interests later on. I had developmental delays when I was that age, not good in anything really, but I have a good BA (hons) in Psychology and MSC too and have got various hobbies which I enjoy. Enjoy your child, and don't put pressure on him, theres' enough of that in life.

Agree with the previous posters... your child is 5; plenty of time for them to experience everything and find lots that they enjoy and become good at. Slow down, it's not a race and nobody's judging you.

I hunk it's a myth that people just have to find their thing and then they will shine. Most of us are no better than average at most things.

Children need to have fun. And five is much too young to be worrying about their special thing. They don't even really notice yet if they are good or bad at stuff as long as it's all fun.

How much support and encouragement do your give child, do you read to her, make list do simple maths?

The child is 5. Stop listening/taking note of other peoples children who have allegedly sat their a-levels, composed a musical piece and all in time for a 6-30 bedtime.

If your child is happy and doesn't feel a let-down at such a young age, together with encouragement will find their own path.

Thank you all for your quick responses. The reason I use child is to not be easily identifiable. Thank you for the reassurance. I will keep praising and encourage fun side of things. Child can be very caring to friends and will always run to help when a friend falls over etc.

Child is rather shy though and probably that is what is holding child back. I will give an example. At the tennis lessons coach kept giving instructions but child couldn't exactly follow. Coach ended up using that slow patronising tone when speaking to child. Broke my heart. Pulled child out of those lessons so looking for a different class as child insists on keeping in with the lessons.

Indeed quangle - reminds me of school assemblies and 'Everybody has a talent'; I'd look at the slack-jawed faces around me and think 'nah.'

You don't need a talent or to shine it to be remarkable. Just yourself.

I do hear where you are coming from. My DD1 is spectacularly unsporty, borderline dyspraxic. Hurts herself a fair bit, never catches the ball, took ages to learn to ride a bike, knows how to swim but hates it and only swims under sufferance, you get the picture.

When I see other kids zooming about on scooters and climbing trees and arguing with their big brothers to have a go on their big bikes, kids just "taking" to roller skating or gymnastics without any help or teaching, I do feel a bit sad and disappointed for her. Seems like she is missing out on a lot of fun of childhood, but it's just not her thing.

Which that tennis coach is not the right one then, he does not sound good with young children. Your ds is only 5, they need instructions to be clear and concise. Don't put pressure on him, just let him be himself. Are school worried about him?

You need to teach him/her that it's okay to come last or take a lot of time to learn something.

Why don't you take up a new instrument or sport and show them that it's normal to be crap to begin with!

As an aside I was rubbish at pretty much everything at 5, it doesn't mean I'm not smart, I have an excellent degree!

2mins, yes I read with my child, do maths etc. Actually not too bad at reading to be honest. Always tell child they are the best thing that has ever happened to me and that is the truth.

Thanks again everyone. I was welling up reading the encouraging posts. Child is competitive and hates losing. I think that is why I wish for this for m child. Will try to relax and keep encouraging.

You need to reassure child that there is so much more to life than coming top.

And then reassure yourself of that.