Bra-less at my BBQ?

[BioSuisse]

Last night DH and i hosted a BBQ for newish friends whom we had never hosted before. DH invited a female colleague whom i had never met before. She turned up with her boyfriend but not her bra. She was wearing a thickish cotton white top. You could see the outline of her boobs and nipples if you looked.

After the party i mentioned it to DH. He claimed to not have noticed.

MN jury?

Are some of you hard of thinking, unable to read or just a bit thick?

This is just the sort of thing I mean. I'm none of these things, but I think that some posters are just aggressive and unpleasant in their posting. Your post quoted here is exactly what I mean. I don't agree with you, but that doesn't mean that I'm wrong.

Sam Fox sized boobs

If you're old enough to use Sam Fox's knockers as a reference, you're too old to whittle about a new friend's foundation garment preferences.

Did you have a bouncy castle at the barbecue?

Oh christ, now I wish I'd RTFT. Sorry.

Your timing was fucking brilliant

Your posts are not pleasant either, Professor. If you had read the thread (and comprehended it) you would see that it shifted 2/3rds in (approx.) and NOBODY was unsupportive to the OP, nobody.

The only posting after that was the wittery posts from those who hadn't read it and come in to talk about the bra-less-ness and they were asked to RTFT.

I'm genuinely sorry for the OP post-disclosure and the tone of the whole thread would have been different had it not been firmly about being bra-less at the start. Your snidey comment changes nothing, I know what I feel.

I'm really getting tired of explaining myself. You think what you like. This isn't an honest agreement/disagreement thing, it's impotent posturing from those who weren't on the thread/haven't read it/have forgotten the details/or whatever - and pronounce judgement and jeer. Why they choose to police AIBU when MNHQ has been asked several times to pop in (and has done so), I can't fathom.

This thread needs a shitload of mint sauce.

I feel like such a twat. I normally do read threads, but I jumped in like an idiot.

Sorry op, very thoughtless and silly of me.

I've done that myself, Shatners, when my pages go from one long one to multiples and I don't notice.

OH Op. Trying to catch up on the thread and I have just read your post about this woman been the other woman. I am so sorry to hear this. clearly your instincts told you something was up other than the dress code. I hope you are as well as can be.

Do you have RL support, OP?

lying and shatnersHindsight is a great thing and I would never proselytise to such experienced and eloquent posters. < no brown nose emoticon >

Shatners we've all done it. It's hard when it's such a long thread. You've apologised so try not to feel bad.

Don't be darft shatners you said sorry as soon as you realised

Keep posting, Lying, you prove what I say every time you post.

I have read the thread, I have understood it, and I have not just come in at the end. If you'd read the thread, you'd see I posted a number of times much closer to the start of it.

What I don't understand, and you won't persuade me otherwise, is why it's such a crime to form an opinion of how someone else is dressed. Everyone does it, all the time. I suspect even you do it, Lying.

I think your accusation of 'policing AIBU and MN' applies to you - you are one of the posters who have jumped on and been very unpleasant to the OP, just because she happened to feel that the woman turned up at her bbq dressed inappropriately. Perhapsyou should reflect on your own attitudes to people before you criticise others, whether that be the OP or me. You won't change my mind either, Lying.

What BS

I made an assumption from the outset that there must have been a nuance to the bralessness which prompted the OP to pose the question. Now to me this was key, but I'm genuinely interested to know from those who reacted so strongly against her whether in their view that would be relevant?

IME of MN there are so many odd questions posed (some of which I just don't engage with, leaving the thread shaking my head and tutting in a 'what's the world come to?' way ) that the OP did not get my Spidey senses going that there was more to it tbh. Just Another Day on MN.

I really wish for the OP's sake that she'd not posted in AIBU and that she'd given a bit more salient information. Clearly Bio had massive alarm bells already ringing before this ill-fated BBQ.

I think this thread must have been, at times, an utterly vile experience for you and the posters to whom this applies know who they are, despite some of them now trying to portray themselves as nice, reasonable people

Oh dear, my brain's exploding.

• It's vile to answer the OP's question, posted in the OP?

• It's not vile to go on & on about how women who don't wear bras are "inappropriate" or "indecent" or "immodest" or "ugky" or any other of the judgemental things said by [mostly] women about other women.

• It's vile to question the judgementalism about women's bodies, or to make a series of arguments about why wearing or not wearing a bra might be a feminist issue

• It's vile to debate with, or to disagree with the OP's opinions?

But and this is where my weak little brain melts

• It's not vile to be vile about other posters when ticking them off for being vile to other posters (Personally, I think "cuntery" is a vile word to use about women, but then I'm old & prudish, even though I don't wear a bra every second of my life) .

bio

If you start a new thread talking about dh and her sleeping together from the beginning rather than it coming out in the middle of the thread you will get a very different response.

Most of the nastiness was because they hadn't seen what was written later so it looked like you were having a go at a random women about her underwear choice not realising there was a much bigger issue at play.

Just think about it but if course it your choice how to deal with what is obviously a terrible time for you.

Good luck whatever you decide

UptheChimney, if you'regoing to quote something I've said, then please don't mix in things that someone else has said:

(Personally, I think "cuntery" is a vile word to use about women, but then I'm old & prudish, even though I don't wear a bra every second of my life) .

I did not use the word "cuntery", so please don't post to make it look as though I did.

No, it's not vile or anything else to disagree with someone's view point. My point is that it's vile to be so aggressive and accusatory in the way you (that's a general you, not you specifically) do it. By all means, have a spirited debate about anything under the sun, but it would just be so much more civilised if everyone could treat each other with a bit of respect (e.g. not call into question the OP's mental health, appearance, etc.). It would also not be so annoying to see someone who had been aggressive and difficult suddently start to backpedal and post kindly to the OP, which just makes them look a bit foolish and annoying. Only my opinion, I know, but I'm as entitled to it as you or anyone else.

charlie and pacific you've basically said what i couldn't be fucked to.

that's a general you, not you specifically

My point exactly. My post does not revolve around you, Professor ! Sorry. It, too, was a general comment (again, it seems you're allowed to do what you're forbidding others to do). The word "cuntery" was used about posters daring to disagree with the OP's judgement of her guest -- when none of us knew that the guest was the OW.

And one of the elephants in the room in this thread is that the OP's first and quite a few subsequent posts were pretty combative in tone, and were also pretty nasty about her guest. She was called on that, and rightly so.

I don't know when the OP found out that her STBXH was a lying unfaithful bastard, but if she knew before starting the thread -- well, then we come back to that word "disingenuous"

But before anyone puts the boot in, I assumed - and still do - that she didn't know before starting the thread. And found out when she told us she found out.

Just awful for her. Her husband is the one displaying cuntery, (if we're going to use that word). I hope we can agree on that, at least.

The difference is, UptheChimney,that I made it clear that my comment was not specifically about you, but you added the comment about "cuntery" after you'd quoted me. So you didn't make it clear that your post was not about me.

I've never "forbidden" anyone to do anything, as you so touchily put it, just suggested that it would be nice to treat posters with some respect, rather than aggression. If you can't see that, then there is nothing I can do to make it more obvious to you.

Oh Professor Pot, meet Dr Kettle ...

Oh, grow up, UptheChimney. The last resort of the inarticulate . It's quite amusing really

It's not vile to go on & on about how women who don't wear bras are "inappropriate" or "indecent" or "immodest" or "ugky" or any other of the judgemental things said by [mostly] women about other women

See I'm still looking to educate myself about this; I don't think that not wearing a bra is 'inappropriate' - but I do definitely think it's possible to turn up at an occasion and be inappropriately braless - and a family BBQ with people you've never met, and making the whole thing about your tits is, to me, one such example. I assumed this was the case here, otherwise why mention it. I perceived it as not a judgement against another woman's clothing choices, but a discomfort with her attitude. I would think it was rude.